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Sometimes we who pass comment on the world of sport can get a little too caught up in the big games.
We are obsessed with the hype and excitement of the major events and perhaps forget to pay attention to the little people of the sporting world, those small but perfectly-formed contests that might lack the star power and epic sense of occasion of the big clashes, but make up for it with heart, spirit and wholesome grassroots tradition.
With that in mind, let me in this column turn away from the over-exposed realm of international blockbusters, and turn my attention to a couple of minor provincial events that will be taking place this weekend and might be otherwise overlooked in our non-stop, 24/7, globalised sporting landscape.
Yes, let’s have a look at the NRL and AFL grand finals. You might be surprised at how interesting they are, if you just take the time to learn a bit about them.
The AFL granny
Let’s start with the AFL decider, which will be played in Melbourne, known to many people who have never travelled outside Melbourne as ‘the sporting capital of the world’.
The AFL grand final will be played between Hawthorn, a suburb of Melbourne, and West Coast, a suburb of the Indian Ocean. The last time these two teams met each other in the grand final was 1991, a memorable game which was in the balance until three-quarter time, when Hawthorn full-forward Angry Anderson drove a speedboat through the West Coast goals, thus sealing victory.
This year the game will come down to whether reigning champions Hawthorn, seeking their third successive premiership but battle-scarred and weary after a gruelling finals campaign, can find the will to overcome the feisty upstarts of the west, who are fresh and fighting fit, but have been forced to endure some difficult distractions in grand final week after former West Coast star Daniel Chick went public with revelations of just how bad an idea it is to treat professional footballers as grown-ups.
Chick’s admission of dangerously overzealous asthma management plans at the Eagles earlier this century has sent shockwaves through the West Coast community, but just how big an impact it will have on current players is difficult to gauge, given the entire playing group has been sealed inside an airtight plastic envelope since Saturday night, and will only be released 10 minutes before the match commences.
On the Hawk side, the main worry is about whether the hunger still remains. This question has been reverberating around the pundit community this week, echoing through corridors and whispering amid the hills and dales. “Does the hunger remain?” the commentators ask. “What about the hunger?” demand the analysts. “What’s the deal with hunger?” inquire the experts.
All are agreed: this grand final will be all about hunger, and who has it, and who doesn’t have it. After two consecutive premierships, some believe Hawthorn has lost a little of its hunger, noting that several Hawthorn stars have been seen about town recently failing to request the dessert menu.
And yet the team retains talent to burn: from its multi-pronged forward line, to its miserly defence, to its five-star midfield, Hawthorn has players on every line perfectly capable of deliberately injuring an opponent behind play. They can also kick goals, though this will probably prove of secondary importance to hunger on the day.
My tip
West Coast to leap out to an early lead thanks to powerful spearhead Josh ‘Chris Judd can suck it’ Kennedy, only for Hawthorn to reel them in during a tense third quarter, before the final term sees several players on both sides fall victim to crippling bouts of hay fever and the game is called off when it’s revealed the AFL never got council approval to stage the grand final in the first place.
The NRL gee eff
Rugby league’s showcase event is a very different beast to the AFL version, not least because it is played in the evening after the game’s administrators made the decision more than a decade ago to try to ruin everything as much as they could.
The NRL decider will see the might of the Brisbane Broncos matched against the might of the North Queensland Cowboys, in a battle of respective might that will determine once and for all which Queensland club has the most might under controlled conditions.
There was a fear that this weekend’s game would be tainted after the NRL hinted that it might be about to become serious about minimising the risk of serious spinal injuries. This fear soon passed, however, and after the powers that be gave an avuncular wink and cheerfully informed the public that serious spinal injuries weren’t such bad blokes really, Broncos skipper Justin Hodges will be free to play. This development delighted Brisbane fans and lovers of aggravating tools alike.
Hodges’ acquittal is a big deal for the Broncos, who are a very different team without him on the field: for one thing, they’re likeable. The firepower at Brisbane’s disposal is impressive, with livewire halfback Ben Hunt leading a backline oozing with power and pace, and probably something unpleasant from Darius Boyd.
This is allied with a tough forward pack that boasts the strength and ferocity of Sam Thaiday, the tireless work rate and vigour of Matt Gillett, and the vast experience of Corey Parker, rugby league’s first professional octogenarian.
But the Broncos are up against a brilliant team in the Cowboys, who surely must be sentimental favourites, particularly among those who want them to win. A premiership would be richly deserved for Cowboys captain Johnathan Thurston, and would obviate the likelihood of him physically assaulting a referee.
Thurston is the greatest player of his generation, and the fact that North Queensland has yet to win a grand final speaks powerfully to the fact that probably everyone else playing for them has been rubbish for ages. Will that change this year?
They’ve a monstrous forward pack, with the gritty Matt Scott, the explosive Jason Taumalolo, and the oddly shiny James Tamou. They have class out wide with fullback Lachlan Coote and quicksilver winger Antonio Winterstein. They have an able lieutenant to Thurston in Michael Morgan. They have a coach with a disproportionately large head. They seem to have it all.
But do they have what it takes to wipe the smug smiles off Brisbane faces? All decent people hope so, obviously. But it will be a damn close thing, unless it isn’t.
This grand final also carries with it the distinction of being the NRL’s first all-Queensland grand final, which has major implications for anyone who cares about it, so not really.
My tip
Brisbane to throw everything they’ve got at the Cowboys early, only to be repelled and then stung on the counterattack as Thurston unleashes his full repertoire of skills to launch an avalanche of points. North Queensland will open up a big lead at which point Thurston will begin showboating and demonstrate his ability to swallow swords and do backflips on a motorbike during set plays.
At the end of the game JT will reveal an effective road map for peace in the Middle East and the NRL, overcome by his dizzying array of skills, will promise never to play a grand final at night ever again. Justin Hodges will cry like a little girl and then be arrested for being a jerk. Everyone will cheer.
So why not give the little guys a go this weekend? Check out the NRL and AFL, you might even like it!