What have we learnt from the first day of the 2015-16 Test summer?
It’s early on, but there are definite trends to be detected from the action of Day 1 in Brisbane. For example, David Warner hit 163 – if he keeps that up throughout the six Tests, he will end up with a season average of 163.00. Pretty impressive, you must admit.
We’ve also learnt that Joe Burns is an effective and reliable opener until his next innings when he will become useless and the worst selection since the last time Joe Burns was selected. It’s a harsh process, but it’s the way Australian cricket works – we’ve been overreacting since the 1800s and it has served us well.
It was also heartwarming to see a much-maligned battler return to the side and make his maiden Test hundred. Up until now there had been doubts over Usman Khawaja’s work ethic and temperament – there were those who suggested he was less Usman than Himman – but he showed he is now comfortable under the baggy green. We can look forward to seeing Khawaja play many more innings, or possibly not very many if it turns out he’s not actually that good after all.
Because that’s the difficulty of a day on which your team finishes 389-2, you just can’t be sure whether the score is a result of how good you are, or of how bad your opposition is. Ideally it’s both – everyone wants to feel that their team is of high quality, and everyone simultaneously wants to feel that New Zealand is terrible.
Maybe it’s best not to over-think things, and just be content in saying that wherever the truth lies, after the Rugby World Cup it doesn’t matter how New Zealanders are humiliated, as long as humiliated they are.
Therein lies the real lesson of Day 1 – it’s just so good to have cricket back. A real sport. A manly sport. A sport of greater nobility and character than rugby, which I never really liked anyway, in fact who even cares about rugby, am I right? I’ve already forgotten who won the World Cup, it was so uninteresting to me. But remember the Cricket World Cup? Ah, there was an event.
Anyway, the point is, Test cricket has returned, and the world somehow feels right again. Australia is never more Australian than when a Test match is being played. Or when a minority is being dehumanised by government policy. But mainly the cricket thing.
When a Test match is on, and particularly when Australian blades are flashing like they did on Day 1, the world seems calmer, more peaceful. It is difficult to believe that there is evil and suffering in the world when the cricket’s on.
In a way this is deeply problematic, because there is evil and suffering in the world, and we’re in desperate need of solutions – but as long as there is Test cricket in the world, there is one problem we have no need for a solution to – the problem of what the greatest game in the universe is.
But I fear for the future. Will our children’s children be able to enjoy the sight of their white-clad countrymen smearing hapless Kiwis all over the park on a beautiful Brisbane day? I know what you’re saying – who cares, we’ll be dead by then. But we do have a responsibility to succeeding generations, if not to secure a habitable planet or economic security, then at least to vouchsafe them the pleasure of the Test match.
During a long winter, that responsibility can dim in the mind’s eye, but seeing Khawaja lift his bat high in triumph yesterday it hit home to me just how important it is that this spectacle endures.
There are many ways in which you can keep the flame alive. These are just a few.
1. Teach your children the value of playing in the V early in their innings
Too many children these days ignore the merits of playing only between mid-off and mid-on until they’ve fully adjusted to the pace of the pitch, preferring instead to play Call of Duty or take piano lessons.
As parents it is up to us to make sure no child leaves our care without a thorough sense of the importance of getting their eye in.
2. Promulgate the fashion possibilities of white clothing
Start a trend by wearing all-white outfits everywhere you go. People will see you as a progressive thinkfluencer, and when everyone is into white, the all-white sport will be the trendiest game in town.
3. Steer casual conversations around to the supremacy of Test cricket
When you’re at parties and friends discuss mortgages or their favourite Bon Iver album, subtly nudge discussion in the direction of subjects like the impossibility of any popular entertainment exceeding the thrills of the Tied Test of 1960-61, or the fact that any objective measure of a sport’s quality must take into account the range and variety of skills demanded of its participants as well as the potential for labyrinthine narrative twists.
Here is a good sample conversation to get you started.
Ignorant friend one: Goodness the price of chips has gone up lately.
Ignorant friend two (named Jan): Yes, I have had to halve my Ruffles intake to meet my mortgage payments.
You (smart guy): Haha, that’s fantastic! It reminds me a lot of how Justin Langer’s career, though featuring very few limited over international games, was far more accomplished than Michael Bevan’s, for obvious reasons.
Friends (in unison): We are amazed.
4. Write to your local member of parliament (federal)
Canberra is where the big decisions get made, and only by lobbying your representative hard will you achieve the ultimate goal – massive fines for anyone attending sports other than Test cricket.
5. Develop a sense of patience in your local community
Test cricket will wither and die unless we destroy the public’s appetite for instant gratification. Try to do this in your everyday life: stay stationary at green lights, pay with massive piles of change at the cash register, stay in the toilet stall for half an hour, hold up vital infrastructure projects with endless red tape.
Make sure people are used to waiting for satisfaction, so that Test cricket will seem a suitable game to enjoy.
6. Lobby your local cinema
Get your local cinema or drive-in theatre to screen daily showings of highlights from great Test matches from history, including but not limited to: the Adelaide Test of 2006-07, the Hobart Test of 1999-2000, the entire Ashes series of 1989, the 10-day drawn Test in Durban, 1939 and the one from that beer ad with Mike Whitney.
7. Support the popular push to make David Boon the next governor-general
This is just a no-brainer.
The future of Test cricket is up to us. If we want to see more glorious Gabba openings, we need to remain ever-vigilant.
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