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Australia’s International Rules team hosting a training camp in New York at the moment got me thinking. How does one explain this great game to our American counterparts?
I don’t know about you, but when I love something the first thing I always want to do is make sure that everyone I know appreciates it exactly the same amount I do.
Found a new band? Everyone must listen and be as excited about track nine as I am. Hooked on a new TV show? If you don’t watch the first season you are dead to me.
When it comes to the AFL I am no different. Surely everyone can see the appeal?
Recently I have discovered how challenging it is to impose my love for the AFL onto Americans. Turns out explaining this great game to an American is quite the complicated task.
I mean, sure, American football is complicated, but at least you have 11 hours each game to work out what is going on.
The players spend more time talking trash than actually playing.
The AFL on the other hand can look frenetic and chaotic on first viewing.
So let’s take a look at how a typical conversation with an American – an amateur who I like to call ‘American Steve’ – about the AFL goes.
Steve: Hey duuude, so what is this ‘Australian rules football league’ you ‘Au-cies’ are always talking about?
Me: Good question Steve, allow me to explain.
Australian rules football is the best sport in the world. Imagine if every sport you love in the US got together and then shacked up with the most attractive woman in the world. That glorious love child would be the AFL.
Wow, that sounds pretty great! I love American sports and attractive women.
I know right?
If it is so great though, why is it so confusing?
It’s not confusing Steve, you’re confusing.
The ball seems to bounce around an awful lot though while a pack of guys chase it. When someone finally picks it up they just throw it away while a guy tackles them! It makes no damn sense!
He doesn’t throw it Steve, he handballs it.
Why do players jump on each other then and try and hold the ball under the other guy? Isn’t the point that they want to get it?
Hmm. Yeah. That is a bit strange I guess.
What about the umpires – there seems to be lots of them and they are always running around hitting themselves like a horse?
Clearly, that is how they communicate. Call it m(h)orse code.
Why do the umpires on the sides throw the ball over their heads into play, while the tallest guys from each team hug each other?
They are not hugging, they are wrestling.
Why are they wearing basketball singlets that are three sizes too small and short shorts outside in the cold?
Because they need to move quickly, obviously.
Why do players sprint off after kicking a goal? Wouldn’t it make sense to stay on? Also why do they constantly push and bump each other? And what is that music that is played when they run through the crepe paper? Why do you still score even if you miss the goal?
Why does anyone do anything, Steve?!
Ok ok, I’m sorry… I get it. Perhaps I can best sum the AFL up in the following way:
The AFL is a game that appeals to the niche market of Australian viewers due to its somewhat confusing rules and unique style of play.
For this reason the league is destined to dabble in expanding into an international market in the next 20-30 years only to fail miserably as the questions you raise become too complicated for the league to explain.
That doesn’t sound quite as rosy my superior friend. What happened to the love child and attractive women?
Shut up Steve.
***
Dealing with people like American Steve got me thinking there must be a better way to explain how the AFL works. There are plenty of popular games that are complicated that have worldwide appeal. Surely the AFL can be one of these?
So, after much thought and much less research I came up with this:
I hate you so much American Steve.
I admit it. Our game is about as confusing as it gets.
But you know what? As Rick Astley taught us, when you love something, you don’t give it up. So I’ll be damned if I don’t continue to explain the short shorts and behind posts to our uneducated American friends for many years to come.
Even if they can’t see the genius.
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