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The country’s top teenagers and a few recycled twenty-somethings are holding their collective breaths, hoping to be selected on an AFL list – yes, it’s draft time, with the event be held on Tuesday, November 25.
It is an important day for these young aspirants, but it is Kevin ‘Shifter’ Sheehan’s grand final.
Shifter, the AFL’s National Talent and International Manager, is to the draft what Alan Kohler is to the ASX 200.
No one uses terms such as “elite leg” and “outside runner” quite as effectively as Shifter, and he finds positives in all selections such, citing a “strong work ethic” or “a defensive presence”.
I am waiting for the day Shifter says, “I don’t know what the club is thinking”, or “he couldn’t get a kick in a street fight”.
The draft will be held in Adelaide this year. What has me stunned is that it is a sell-out. I love my sport, but paying for the privilege to say to the grandkids, “I was there when Jacob Weitering was selected, and he still had the odd pimple and a bad haircut” is a bit beyond even me.
Where you get selected does not limit your potential to succeed in the AFL. However, if you have nominated for the AFL draft, below is a summary of the likely outcome depending on when you are selected.
First round
You’re will likely end up a 150-plus game player, the only dangers are you getting a big head and not applying yourself, or getting drafted by the Melbourne Demons.
Shifter knows everything about you including your favourite foods and positions (including in the bedroom).
Second round
A good place to get selected; you’re a gun but the pressure to be one is not there. Your club will give you time to develop, particularly if you’re a key position player or ruckman. Put your head down and you should eke out a solid career.
Shifter is in a rhythm here, effortlessly outlining various details of your CV or describing you as a “project player”.
Third round
Things are starting to get a bit dicey. There is either a deficiency in your game or you could be a bit of a loose cannon (e.g. selection number 38 in 1998, one Brendan Fevola). A good strategy to ensure your place on the list would be to source nude photos of the coach. If your team is not performing well, focus on the list manager or perhaps the president.
Shifter is now starting to really earn his paycheque in the coverage, using terms such as “intercept player” or “can win his own ball”.
Fourth round and beyond
The club is taking a punt on you and it may not be the first time your name has been called out. You are thrilled to just be selected.
Shifter wouldn’t know you know from Adam. The use of the term “smokey” will be utilised at this stage of proceedings. Shifter will also refer to James Hird (pick 79, 1990) and Chris Grant (pick 105, 1988).
Basically, you have got as much chance of Prince of Penzance winning the Melbourne Cup. It was 100-1 and it happened, but is unlikely to happen for a long time to come. If a uni or trade school lecture conflicts with training, statistics would suggest you are better of attending the lecture.
To finish, good luck to those nominated for the draft. May Shifter be describing you at some point during the day.
Who’s in your ultimate team? Pick the best team and compete with other fans for daily prizes on Draftstars. For the best odds on the game try out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Think. Is this a bet you really want to place? Set a deposit limit.
Old mate summing it up better than anyone possibly could!
Not Jake Kelly's finest moment!
