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AFL Draft Diary 2016: Clichés, lots of tall blokes and a surprise Doedee

24th November, 2015
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Many modern AFL stars first arrived as top ten draft picks. (AAP Image/Dave Hunt)
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24th November, 2015
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Didn’t catch the 2016 AFL draft last night? Fear not! I kept a running diary of all of the key moments, so you didn’t have to. And in case you haven’t heard, boy there was a lot of key moments. Welcome to the first annual AFL Draft Diary.

This also means, in the words of a loveable bending unit from the year 3000, I’m back baby.

The vast majority of players have returned from their off-season break, so it’s only fair that those covering the game get stuck into pre-season themselves. It’s a long way to the first Saturday in October – a cliché that we will need to become more accustomed to using – and there is much to do.

But first things first. The 2016 AFL Draft was held in the unfamiliar surrounds of the Adelaide Convention Centre. A lot of things happened.

Was it the biggest thing to happen in Adelaide ever? Well, there was apparently a live site, and the house looked pretty full. Three radio stations covered the event, as well as two TV companies in AFL Media and Fox Sports. It’s a big deal. There is, so I’m led to believe, just something about the draft.

The so-called ‘Phantom Drafts’, which have emerged in plague-like proportions this year, came in thick and fast in the week leading up to yesterday. Our very own Josh Elliott had a stab, as did a number of Roarers. My preparation was, well, it was probably better than Colin Sylvia’s preparation for the 2015 AFL season. But not by much.

You see, I don’t watch Under-18s football. I am an under-age football agnostic. But it’s the draft, people. And any AFL writer worth his salt has to have a view on the draft.

It’s also the first year that the league’s new father-son and academy player bidding system is in play, with the associated software hastily developed by everyone’s favourite monopolist still being tested right up until the night before the draft itself. That’s going to end well, I’m sure of it.

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So with iced beverage in one hand, iPad in the other, I set out to watch the 2016 AFL draft unfold. Here is my running diary (times are in EDST).

4:30pm – The guys at Fox Footy have a sense of humour, it seems. It’s History Month on the greatest channel on earth, and we’re into the 2010s. There’s no real rhyme or reason for when games are replayed on the channel, as far as I can tell, and the cheeky programmer decided to put a 2011 match-up between Carlton and Essendon on as the draft night lead-in.

This was when Carlton were in full premiership contender mode, and Essendon were three games into the James Hird era. How things change. But it’s almost time for the draft, and the Blues and Dons are entering the meat market with wads and wads of drafting capital.

4:31 – Alright, the IQ is set. Time to get back to work. This is the terrible thing about living in the west at this time of year, with no daylight savings. The damn draft starts at 3:30pm in the afternoon for me, which is just the worst possible time. So I switch my phone to aeroplane mode. Those clients will have to wait. It’s the draft, I’m sure they’ll understand.

Some time later in the evening, equivalent to 6:30 – Did someone tell the director that the cameras were rolling? Our coverage of the draft commences with a still shot of the event area, complete with half-full stadium-style seating and absolutely no sound whatsoever. Hard cut to what looks like an ad for a men’s fragrance, still sans sou… oh wait there it is! An auspicious start indeed.

And here’s Fox Footy’s voiceover artist in chief, Jonathan Brown, with a few choice words. The work has been done. Today is your day. Tomorrow, you will find a new home. Tonight, you are the headline act. This is your time to shine. It sounds mildly less clichéd in Browny’s dulcet tones.

6:32 – Jason Dunstall is our host; some confidence is restored. A quick pan to the Carlton War Room – each club is in a partitioned booth hidden away from the crowd, hence I’m calling them War Rooms – and everyone looks to be sweating bullets. You’d think the brass would be used to the pressure of nailing top draft picks by now, but apparently not. Melbourne and Essendon War Rooms, by contrast, look remarkably calm. Perhaps a little too calm.

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6:35 – Wait, the coverage is split over two channels? Who’s idea was that? And when was that communicated? We get the first round on the main channel, before we’re shunted off to a secondary channel while the hosts grill the newly minted draftees. Bugger. Well, first round it is.

Dunstall throws to Brad Johnson. I don’t know how to feel about this. Almost guarantee Johnson will have a bigger smile than most of the youngsters. Brenton Sanderson is our third man, in his role as the Australian Institute of Sport head coach. Okay that’s good. Rounding out the panel is Kevin Sheehan. I don’t know how I feel about this. At least he’s got a good handle on draft history, as he rattles off the decent players taken the last time Adelaide hosted this shindig.

6:36 – Ah, the consensus top two: Jacob Weitering and Josh Schache. I know they are both quite hefty fellows, with Weitering a defender and Schache a key forward. Carlton will take one, with Weitering the pick, and Brisbane will take the other. Carlton simply couldn’t draft a forward after their recent player movement history.

The camera pans to both in the crowd: Schache looks like he’s really concerned his name might be read first.

Someone from the panel pipes up with an absolute howler: “We’re normally talking about midfielders at the top of the draft”. Not so sure about that one.

6:39 – “There’s a new bidding system for father-son and academy players, and it can be really confusing,” Dunstall says. He implores us, begs us to listen carefully to Anthony Hudson and Johnson, who will explain it to us.

The pair run through an example, and to their credit, explain the system quite well. I don’t have a good feeling about this live, though.

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6:41 – Wait, did Dunstall just say “there will be no backroom deals” under this new system? The AFL will take “severe action” if any clubs are found to have colluded in this new system. Baha, let’s see.

6:46 – After an ad break – I thought this was on pay TV? – there’s a pre-recorded piece with twins Harry and Ben McKay. Okay, can we start picking now please?

6:51 – Ben Dixon is introduced as a former number 77 pick. Fair burn there by Mr Dunstall.

6:54 – Gee now we’re talking draft bolters. I don’t understand what a draft bolter is. But there’s a lot of them, so Michael Ablett and Sarah Jones tell us. What makes you a bolter? Your name wasn’t leaked by a club as a person of interest until the morning of the draft? Bolters. There’ll be some bolters. Also some sliders. I guess they are like bolters, but in reverse.

Keiran Collins will be a bolter. A Vic Country… oh my god he’s 17?! The camera pans to this guy, and he’s got a chin like Stan Smith (of American Dad fame). He is 199 centimetres tall, and what looks to be 149 kilograms of mass. He’s a bolter. A freaking big bolter.

6:56 – “How nervous were you Johnno?” Okay, can we start picking now please?

7:00 – After another commercial break, Dunstall throws to our official MC Anthony Hudson. Huddo reminds us that the work has been done. Today is your day. And so on, and so forth. He throws to the AFL prime minister Gillon McLachlan, who does not resemble someone who has just been on a two-week holiday to the US and Ireland. A lone boo is thrown up – presumably an NBA fan trying to carry a distinctively American tradition to our game.

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The South Australian premier gets the first shout-out. At least we know how the draft ended up in Adelaide.

“This is your Grand Final,” Gil churlishly lobs at the club’s recruitment teams. “Don’t muck it up”. The camera briefly cuts to the Carlton War Room. See, these guys have a sense of humour.

It gets better!

“As this is the first officially constituted meeting of the AFL since the grand final, I would like to congratulate Hawthorn on winning their third successive premiership.” More boos go up, and the clubs look a little bit puzzled.

“The work has been done. Today is your day. Tomorrow, you will find a new home. Tonight, you are the headline act. This is your time to shine.”

Okay, can we start picking now please?

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7:03 – Gil runs us through how this year will be different from other years. He sounds very assured. “This draft is significantly different than previous years.” He runs through, very quickly, how the system works. Pleasepantothecrowd, pleasepantothecrowd, pleasepantothecrowd.

7:05 – Phew, I’m glad that’s over. Not as glad as the prime minister, though. Can we start picking now, please? Nope, some more pre-recorded footage of draftees. We get it. It’s hard being a prospective top 10 AFL draftee. All that time spent playing football. Not knowing where you will be paid six figures to do something you enjoy and happen to be very good at.

7:07 – “With the first selection of the AFL draft, the Carlton Football Club.” Let’s do this.

It takes all of 10 seconds for the “pick is in” watermark to appear on the screen. The system has passed its first test.

Brendon Bolton appears on stage to read out Carlton’s pick. Oh my god that smile is infectious. And it’s Weitering, as widely predicted. Weitering has the look of a man heading to the gallows. Although from what I’ve seen, that’s his general demeanour.

Brad Johnson refers to him as having “the package”. Yeah I had a bad feeling about this.

Weitering’s on-stage interview plays well; Huddo looks in a hurry to get him off stage. Must have some more pre-recorded footage to play.

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7:12 – Brisbane is next on the clock, and they also lock their pick in very quickly. But unlike the Carlton War Room, they look like a bunch of blokes down at the pub talking about who they’d pick if they were a high performance recruitment team. I think that’s a good sign.

Well this is all very boring. Schache goes at pick two – and unlike Weitering he looks like the weight of the world has just been lifted off his shoulders. Avoiding being known as “Carlton’s number one forward target” will do that to you.

7:14 – Our first academy player bid is on, and it’s Melbourne going after Sydney’s Callum Mills. This was telegraphed from some way away, and the consensus is the Swans will match. Mills is, we’re told, a very talented midfield prospect.

We’ve got a look inside the Dee’s War Room, and there is lots of head shaking going on. Meanwhile Kevin Sheehan is trying to explain what’s going on. I don’t think it’s working. Meanwhile, Tom Harley looks like 2009 Tom Harley – still despite the flurry of activity going on around him. Mills, on the other hand, looks like he genuinely has no idea what’s going to happen.

And the party is spoiled – the AFL might need to work on this next year – because John Longmire appears on stage. Sydney have matched, and Mr Mills avoids the 2017 wooden spoon. Mills has a “rugby league background” from before he joined the Swans academy at age 13, we’re informed. Again, what does that actually mean? That’s like me saying I have a human biology background because I studied it in Year 9.

So Champion Data’s new draft system passes its first major test. Somewhere out back, the prime minister lets go of the bottle of scotch he was cradling like a baby.

7:17 – Now this is where the punters will get confused. Melbourne retain their third pick, but because Sydney matched Melbourne’s bid for Mills that pick three has become pick four. It takes them no time to put their pick in the system. Paul Roos announces the Dees have selected Clayton Oliver. He looks like a tank.

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7:19 – And the Dons are on the clock. Given they have the next two picks, they’ve whacked the first one in already: Darcey Parish is the next player to Don the Sash™. No really, that’s how Woosha introduced the pick. You are dead to me, Worsfold. The highlights package prepared suggest he’ll be a ready-made player. Someone should ask him if he can play forward.

Pick six is in quickly, too. Woosha does quick about face, and announces the Dons select Aaron Francis. But he isn’t introduced as the next player to Don the Sash™. This guy can play forward.

7:22 – It’s expansion team versus expansion team, as Gold Coast go after Greater Western Sydney academy player Jacob Hopper at pick seven. It requires the Giants to use pick 11, so it’s got to be a slam dunk for a match surely. Hopper is a Giant, and far out he’s a giant.

7:24 – The Suns have another go, and this time don’t chase an academy player. Rodney Eade emerges from the shadows, and announces Gold Coast have gone for Callum Ah Chee. In stark contrast to Hopper and a lot of the other draftees to date, Ah Chee almost looks like a normal 17-year-old.

7:26 – Picks are coming in much faster now, and it’s Melbourne having another go at pick nine. It’s Sam Weideman, who is described as a player on the rise by Johnson. Well, duh. Carlton also go quickly with their selection, which has dropped to pick 10 now, and the Blues take Harry McKay. Another largely consensus pick here, and like Ah Chee he looks like a normal 17-year-old despite his height.

Gee and he’s a very tall two metres. Bolton struggles to get above nipple high.

7:30 – Oh. Oh gee. Oh no. They’re making them walk out on stage in their new jumpers, with dress pants and shoes but without their Sunday best shirts. But wow a couple of these boys are absolutely ripped. They are 17-year-olds, right? The difference between Ah Chee and some of his fellow draftees is, well, it’s noticeable.

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7:32 – Adelaide are on the clock, and the crowd goes wild! Sort of.

Brad Johnson – I knew this was a bad idea – says the Crows have to be wary of the “go home factor”. That’s the first time said factor has been mentioned tonight, and I reckon it won’t be the last. The pick is in, and as Don Pyke makes his way to the stage the crowd give him a really warm welcome. Nice touch Croweaters. Wayne Milera is their pick, and he joins what looks to be one of the best few forward lines in the competition.

I almost think they had to pick a non-midfielder, because this was the Patrick Dangerfield pick. So far, the phantom drafters have nailed it.

7:33 – Woah we’re straight into pick 12 – no on-stage action if you’re not a top 10 pick apparently – and Carlton are on the clock.

There’s some deliberations, which is the first time tonight that it hasn’t looked like a pick has been preordained. The Blues take bad boy Charles Curnow, who was tipped as a late slider following a recent late night indiscretion. He did not slide. So far, so good, Blues fans.

7:35 – Richmond are up next, and Damien Hardwick has his Hardwick face on. You know the one I’m talking about. It’s the last quarter fade out face. The elimination final loss face. The ‘that’s a really good question’ at a press conference face. Once the pick is in, Hardwick face becomes a smiley face; the Tigers are bidding for a GWS academy player in Matthew Kennedy.

All it’ll cost the Giants is a couple of those mid-table picks they acquired during the trade period, and they match with no delay.

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7:36 – Hardwick face is back, as the Tigers reveal they’re bidding for Brisbane’s Eric Hipwood. Like the previous bid, all Brisbane have to give up is picks they acquired explicitly for the purposes of academy bids, so it’s got to be a match. And so it is.

Richmond just don’t get what they want in the AFL, do they.

They get another go, and this time decide to pursue a non-academy player. It’s Daniel Rioli: aka The Bolter!

7:41 – Adelaide bid on Giants academy player Harrison Himmelberg, and coach Pyke is so confident they’ll get their man that he runs towards the stage. But the Giants play spoiler, which is a massive surprise.

Himmelberg wasn’t expected to come into play until the second round, and you get the feeling the Crows were expecting the Giants to let him go for the price. It’s only early on, but I see this as a bullet dodged. How many forwards do you need, Adelaide fans?

The Crows get another go, and it’s Tom Doedee. Hehe. Doedee. Wow, this draft is taking a while, isn’t it?

So in checking on Doedee, it looks like he’s come from the clouds. The first real draft bolter!

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7:44 – St Kilda don’t surprise anyone in selecting Jade Gresham, and the Hawks are on the clock. Cue the concerns about an aging list and that Hawthorn have started replenishing. Ummm, guys, there’s 45 players on an AFL squad. One medium-high draft pick isn’t going to do that. And have you watched this group of players play football? This poor kid will be lucky to play for Box Hill before he’s 26.

Al Clarkson struts on to the stage, and segments of the crowd applaud. Not like a rapturous fan applause, but a reverent, you-da-man applause. It’s Ryan Burton, who is the Jake Stringer of this draft according to Kevin Sheehan. Please don’t say he’s got the package.

But seriously, Burton had been touted as a super high, top five pick before a bad leg break last year. So he’s a more traditional slider in that sense – an injury-driven slider, rather than an indiscretion-driven slider. And of course freaking Hawthorn get him at pick 19.

Hawthorn have another pick after a couple of best available/”we like this guy” selections from Gold Coast and North Melbourne, and take the diminutive Kieran Lovell. Lovell is a Tasmanian native, and a ready-made AFL player. Of course he freaking is. Lift, AFL clubs.

7:52 – Carlton are here to wrap up the first round, with their original pick 19 becoming pick 23 after the academy bidding processes. Some genuine discussion going on, and coach Bolton’s face looks remarkably serious – stark contrast to pick one. And the Blues go with David Cunningham, who was expected to slip into the second round. So Carlton end their first round bonanza with Weitering, H. McKay, Curnow and Cunningham.

Aaaaand that’s the end of the first round of the draft. Exhale.

8:02 – Fox Footy’s coverage shifts into post-game mode, with draftee and draftee family interviews. Unbelievably, they’re still making the kids wear their team jerseys. Weitering is up first, and as the camera cuts to pick 77 Ben Dixon interviewing Darren and Tania Weitering, something happens in the background.

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Luke Beveridge is on stage, presumably to announce the Dogs’ pick at 25, when he all of a sudden throws his hands up in the air. Then he quickly ducks off the stage. I later learn that there’s a minor technical hiccup, and the microphone has stopped working. The draft has stopped, if only briefly.

8:05 – The Weitering interview ends, and Jason Dunstall informs us that there are some very interesting things going on right now. The Dogs’ used pick 25 to bid for Josh Dunkley, a Sydney Swans father-son player, and Sydney didn’t match. That’s the first time a father-son bid has been passed in.

Speaking of passed in, I reckon that’s a wrap.

Now, the real work begins. Or whatever Browny said.

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