Grant Hackett should never have returned to swimming. The pool wasn’t the answer to his problems, it was only ever masking them.
Olympic medals, sponsorship deals and broadcasting positions are irrelevant now, those pretending they matter are thoughtless, drivelling philistines.
That Hackett’s problems seemingly surfaced following his initial retirement a few years ago is no coincidence. Here was a man suddenly without his comforting obsession and no longer sure of his identity or place in the world.
A man who became angry and turned to drugs and alcohol as a solution, exactly like many before him have done.
With clinical precision Hackett found trouble again last week, immediately after his comeback finished. This is no coincidence either.
In 2013, the now deceased former New Zealand cricketer, Martin Crowe wrote an insightful piece titled The Masks We Wear. In it Crowe opined how confusion and uncertainty can result in people moulding metaphorical masks to hide their fragilities behind.
Specifically, he was talking about himself, English batsmen Johnathon Trott (who was struggling with anxiety at the time) and Australian batsman Dave Warner (who was struggling with boorishness and being a bully at the time).
Yet Crowe could also have been talking about Garry Lyon, Andrew Johns, Wayne Carey, Grant Hackett and a multitude of other household names. He could also have been talking about you and I.
I played football from the age of seven until the age of 30 to a fairly mediocre standard, but I loved it and lived it entirely. Playing football gave me an identity. It gave me a sense of belonging. Now, I can see it also gave me somewhere to hide from my demons. Football gave me a mask to wear.
Occasionally cracks appeared in the mask, but these were quickly patched up with a pat on the back and a, ‘cheer up,’ or ‘pull your head in,’ from coaches and mates. That’s how it was done then.
As with the aforementioned sports stars, only when I finished playing did the cracks in my mask begin to widen.
I no longer had a distraction shared with forty other blokes to occupy my entire week. My thirties were tumultuous. At 37 I spent a few hours one sunny day sitting on a remote cliff ledge on the NSW South Coast, willing myself to jump.
The comedian in me now says that it was a good time to discover a fear of heights. The truth is, all I can remember getting me home that day was a need to feed my dog that I loved so much.
In swimming parlance, it was time for me to sink or swim.
The psychiatrist who helped save my life told me that drug and alcohol abuse are an entirely natural path to go down for those who are lost, scared, damaged or disconnected. But, drugs and alcohol only serve the same function as Crowe’s metaphorical mask, they placate the subconscious for a limited time.
So, sooner or later we must surrender to our egos, take off the masks and find the courage to have a conversation with the mirror.
It’s a conversation that those of us who are suffering must have so we can see and understand ourselves in entirety.
The conversation enables us to establish a sense of self beyond how our Olympic medals, world records, adoring fans or local footy premierships might depict us. It’s the hard way, but the only way.
This is what Grant Hackett must now do. The alternatives are bleak and repetitively painful.
Having experienced emotional turmoil myself it shines like a beacon when I see it on others.
That’s what I see in Grant Hackett. There is a chance that he could just be an entitled dickhead. But, I think not.
Following his initial problems Hackett did the natural thing. He did what he knows best and what he thought was best, he started swimming again. In reality, he was taking the easy option. Like using drugs and alcohol, swimming again was like putting a Band-Aid on Mount Vesuvius.
Now it’s Grant Hackett’s turn to sink or swim, to do the difficult, unnatural thing and have his conversation with the mirror. A conversation he should have with his mask off.
LeBron James is going back to the Olympics for the first time in 12 years. Steph Curry is headed to the games for the…
Olyroos coach Tony Vidmar is refusing to put a line through Nestory Irankunda's hopes of playing at the Paris Olympics after claiming he is…
The 2023-24 NBA season promised so much for the Australian contingent - for a few it’s been the ideal runway to the Paris Olympics…
Basketball superstar Lauren Jackson has been included in the extended Opals squad for the Paris Olympics, despite announcing her retirement from the international scene.…
The Brisbane Olympics stadiums fiasco has had wild twists and turns in just the last few days, but we still might not have seen…
Olympic swimming legend and Australian Sports Commission boss Kieren Perkins has warned that "someone will die" if a multi-sport event that allows athletes to…
