I’ve had it. I’m sick of flat pitches being Test cricket’s staple diet in Australia.
Flat pitches where the ball consistently falls short of a properly positioned keeper on day one are rubbish. I’ve asked cricket to give bowlers a chance before. But that was too mild.
For instance, I said, “There shouldn’t be any pitch in the world in which 150 is a par first innings score, although it is a lot more interesting than a pitch where the par score is 550.”
Normally I would still agree with that. Over several seasons, it would breed the emergence of lesser-skilled medium-fast bowlers who rely on those conditions, bad technique, and fewer spinners.
But for one season, it would do more good than harm.
As Roarer Liam rightfully said in the comments section of my article on pitches, the bowler-dominated Hobart Test between Australia and New Zealand in 2011 was superb to watch. I was privileged to be at the ground to watch that Test, and to enjoy that match was human nature.
Those conditions benefitted bowlers. But those conditions are rare indeed. Since the 2011-12 season, batsmen have received far more help from the pitch than bowlers.
Bowlers deserve a Test season of love.
In run-laden draws where there is an average run rate of over four runs an over, bowlers are emasculated creatures and a result is about as likely as Steve Smith telling Peter Nevill to have a bowl.
When South Africa comes to Australia, I want pitches that trigger Dale Steyn’s crazy eyes. I want pitches that cause Morne Morkel to turn from a genial giant to a three-headed dragon. I want pitches that force Steve Smith to enlist the help of his nine other teammates to pluck the ball from James Pattinson’s right hand. I want pitches that might lead to Josh Hazlewood bowling all session at one end, and giving Steve Smith the same treatment Glenn McGrath gave Ricky Ponting when Ponting took him off on the second day at Lord’s in 2005.
And when Pakistan comes to Australia, I want conditions that cause Wahab Riaz to start clapping even though Shane Watson has retired. I want conditions that make Mohammed Amir virtually unplayable. I want conditions that make Mitchell Starc feel this is like ODI cricket, but much better.
When the series reaches the SCG, I want conditions to help out Nathan Lyon and Yasir Shah, and maybe even a third spinner.
I like roads. When I’m trying to get to work. Or study. Or a family gathering. Or a mate’s place.
In Test cricket, roads are needed occasionally, especially when it is part of a ground’s well-established tradition, provided it is balanced against grounds of differing traditions. But not constantly. And when there have been too many of them, the only answer is to go cold turkey for a while.
I detest how it has been taken for granted that the only time fairer conditions can be expected is when there is a day-night Test. I’m exasperated at pitches that would only significantly deteriorate if the nation’s top sprinters were employed to run up and down the pitch during the lunch break. Enough is enough.
And if you, sensibly, think my heightened levels of rage are not good reason for bowlers to have a season of love, consider that bowlers come up with two ways of redressing the balance that cricket did not like; Bodyline and underarm. In a world where being a bowler is no fun, then the next reaction will be more like underarm than Bodyline.
What’s wrong with that? Whatever you think about Bodyline, it was a strategy where the first priority was to get the batsman out. The underarm ball was based on a desire for fewer runs to be scored, where a captain was planning based on the potential of his bowler to be hit for six, and not his strengths.
Cricket needs strategies to be based on the strengths of bowlers, and conditions that allow for bowlers to recognise and even inflate their strengths in their own minds.
Conditions in Test matches in Australia need to be rebalanced more than they need to be overcorrected. But after years where the conditions have been batsmen-friendly, it’d be nice to see an overcorrection before a rebalance.
And it would be sad to see neither a rebalance nor an over-correction. Sad, and predictable.
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