Recently the NBA announced that teams could sell advertising space on their jerseys from the 2017-18 season onward. It will also mark Nike’s first season in charge of uniform manufacturing.
This got me thinking (cynically) about what familiar brands we might see on these jerseys and their connection to their franchise.
Boston Celtics: Gap
Solid, consistent and not flashy. Some would argue conservative in design.
Brooklyn Nets: American Apparel
Young and hip, but really just gaudy and poorly made. Lacks any real soul.
New York Knicks: Carlton Draught
Your dad will tell you it was a good back in the day, but every time you have one, you just can’t picture it.
Philadelphia 76ers: Delfin Realty
Supposedly will be awesome in years to come, but looks can be deceiving.
Toronto Raptors: Canterbury Clothing
A big deal across the ditch, but doesn’t quite translate elsewhere.
Chicago Bulls: MySpace
Used to be popular globally, but has been overtaken by more innovative companies.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Rosella Tomato Sauce
Has a loyal local following, despite other more superior brands.
Detroit Pistons: Ford
Despite being a local favourite, their home isn’t actually where you think it is.
Indiana Pacers: Pringles
Not a flashy team, not a boring team, nor an obnoxious fan-base. Just… meh.
Milwaukee Bucks: International Roast Coffee
Does anyone actually willingly buy this stuff? Or do you just choke it down when there are no other games on?
Atlanta Hawks: Rexona
Supposedly won’t let you down. Except after five minutes of walking. Atlanta isn’t made for the heat of the Playoffs.
Charlotte Hornets: General Pants Co
The kids love the vintage logos, the rest of us just look at it and see it as desperate for attention.
Miami Heat: Gold Coast Tourism
Looks like a great place to visit, but couldn’t stomach actually living there. Too trashy.
Orlando Magic: James Boag’s Pure
Despite some initial success, it never took off and is only mediocre at best.
Washington Wizards: Canberra Milk
Necessary staple from a place close to being hell on earth.
Dallas Mavericks: Budweiser
Sickeningly wealthy, but a team that is quite bland in reality.
Houston Rockets: James Hardie & Co
Seems to be highly innovative, except for one teensy little thing that eats away at things.
Memphis Grizzlies: Virgin Mobile
Seem like they have good deals, but why doesn’t anyone get on board?
New Orleans Pelicans: Tiger Airways
How in the world are either still allowed to function? Both have only one thing going for them.
San Antonio Spurs: Qantas
Probably the most reliable in its field, and most arrogant. Also, not always the prettiest.
Denver Nuggets: Mambo Clothing
Had their heyday when their logos were absurd and silly.
Minnesota Timberwolves: A-League
Despite being maligned by traditionalists, big hopes for the future.
Oklahoma City Thunder: Commonwealth Bank
Works quite well. So why do I feel so dirty about being associated with them?
Portland Trail Blazers: Coopers Brewery
Despite being around for ages, constantly resurfaces among peoples’ sentiments.
Utah Jazz: Telstra
Used to be a power, but any attempts at innovation fall flat.
Golden State Warriors: KFC T20 Big Bash
The next great fad.
Los Angeles Clippers: Little Creatures Beer
You think they’re unique, but in fact they are quite generic and exceedingly wealthy.
Los Angeles Lakers: R.M. Williams
Traditionally reliable and iconic, but it takes a special type of person to embrace that image.
Phoenix Suns: Rio Tinto
Nobody knows what the hell they are actually doing, but they always appear to be sweaty.
Sacramento Kings: Cash Converters
Not somewhere you’d willingly admit to going to.
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