Let’s be honest: if form and ability are anything to go by, Queensland will finally terminate this forgettable reptile of a series tonight with a God-awful clean sweep.
So besides Paul Gallen’s gold watch presentation to mark a decade of diligent series losses, that means the only relevant feature of this useless 80 minutes is whether or not Daley will still be on the payroll come curtains.
Yes, despite the small matter of him being contracted for next year, this game will reportedly be the decisive element in the NSWRL’s decision to either swipe left or right on Laurie’s love for 2017.
This is because down here in the south, we make significant decisions based on the outcomes of games of scant motivation, preferably using murky benchmarks.
That’s why the corner tip is that his future will all come down to one vague, intangible factor tonight: the manner of defeat.
More Origin
» Why NSW will win Game 3
» Why Queensland will win Game 3
» Final NSW Blues and Queensland Maroons line-ups
» Expert tips and predictions
‘Manner of defeat’ is not only a depressing measuring stick that reflects how desensitised to failure our state has become after ten malnourished years, it is also a curious term and it requires defining.
Many are speculating this refers to the team’s gentility in the face of inevitable despair, but I don’t think we’re hoping our boys will be slaughtered wearing pocket napkins.
I’m almost certain ‘manner’ refers to the severity of the de-pantsing quantified in the margin of the loss. That’s right, Daley will live or die on cold, hard scoreboard points, and how many his team falls short by.
As the bosses have created this deliberately ambiguous target so they can spin it anyway they please in the aftermath, we need to help Laurie to help himself.
This subjective directive needs to be demystified, because one man’s one-tonner can be another man’s Suzuki Jimny.
Which number holds the answer?
Using my powers of imagination and BS, here’s how I see the NSWRL bracketing tonight’s outcome.
New South Wales are pipped by less than six points
Congratulations, Laurie. You’re safe for another campaign. The only things being given the arse are Greg Bird and Coffs Harbour.
It is obvious that by finishing within one try of our opposition, pride in the jersey is still strong. We know your recipe for the future, and we can smell what you are cooking.
We remain besotted with you. We give you our unwavering guarantee there are no white-ants destabilising your post.
After all, you did win us a series in 2014. Just yesterday, only 735 days ago.
New South Wales are honourably rolled by seven to 12 points
You’re safe, Laurie, but only on a technicality. That being, we can’t afford Phil Gould.
Another admirable effort, but we’re really starting to regret that contract extension we agreed upon. Must learn to not negotiate workplace agreements while taste testing in the wine cellar.
We are beginning to suspect our brand has been slightly soiled, so we need to see immediate change in 2017. And don’t suggest axing Bob Fulton and moving our training base back to east Sydney’s booze huts, because they’re our grand ideas.
It hurts to say it, but it seems pride in the jersey is flickering. As for whatever it is you are cooking, we suspect we can smell something encouraging, but we’re unsure if it’s hot chips or an electrical fault.
Still no white ants, but geeeez, 2014 was a while back now. Almost over 700 days ago, wasn’t it?
New South Wales are comfortably conquered by 13-24 points
Laurie, we’re going to be frank. On the back of the pain and suffering being felt by our shareholders, we, the board, are seriously considering going on the public record to give you our full support.
But firstly, we are waiting to see if Shane Flanagan is available. Or Fatty Vautin. Or a car tyre. Seriously, we’ll take anything.
We are reticent to place the entire blame for our demise at your feet, but we’ve found that Origin has become a yearly funeral on your watch. There’s no pride within the jersey, only the torsos of unmotivated, ill-advised footballers.
Awaiting legal advice on the legal ramifications of transferring you to a role in the mail room.
Until then, holding on tight to the memory of 2014. Only footage I recall is in black and white.
We also think we can smell white-ants.
New South Wales are utterly destroyed by 25-plus points
Unless this is an extraordinarily rare 76-50 defeat, there is nothing you can do for us any more, Laurie. A colony of white ants have arrived, along with a large fleet of rats and filth, and they’ve all managed to devour the tiny sliver of support that remained for your services.
We thank you for your tireless tenure as state coach. Your legacy will live on strong, and we will never forget your iron-willed commitment to smoke and mirrors and your famous pioneering of the camp booze ban, even though ultimately we played better drunk.
Despite all this, you have now been officially outlawed in this state, alongside late night long-necks and greyhounds.
Please forward your preferred bank account details so your leave entitlements can be paid. After this transaction is complete, these will then be passed on to Maroons payroll, as per their persistent requests. Apparently you’re due a long-service bonus.
We have changed the locks, but you are always welcome back to Coffs Harbour.
All the team list information for Round 8.
Tipping last round was supposed to be an easy one. But a Friday night of carnage ruined the round for most tipsters. The Warriors…
The younger brother of NRL star Nathan Cleary, Jett, has inked a three-year deal with the New Zealand Warriors to start in 2025. Cleary,…
The rugby league community is in mourning following the sudden death of former Kangaroos centre Terry Hill from an apparent heart attack in the…
Amid Dale Finucane's forced retirement call, NRL 360 co-host Paul Kent said teams should be forced to alter their tackle technique through significant suspensions,…
Dale Finucane will go down as one of the most honest, hard-working and inspirational players of his time. He’s what we want out of…
