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Heading into the final State of Origin for 2016, Queensland knew that they had already won the series.
Of course, if you switched the two teams’ players, it would be instead New South Wales who’d have the remarkable winning record over the past decade.
It seems strange then to put so much emphasis on what is effectively a coin toss of where you were born or where you played your first senior game or whatever criterion it is that applies to Greg Inglis.
Nevertheless, here are the ratings from the first State of Origin.
The nature of evil
Grade: D
Channel Nine bombarded viewers with their usual pre-game hype. Lots of that talk this time around was about the nature of dead rubbers and what motivated teams to win such games.
In the dressing rooms, Billy Slater assured viewers that Queensland weren’t content with all the success they’ve had so far and reaffirmed that they desperately wanted to win this match too.
Which raised the obvious question of what could possibly cause such immense, insatiable yearning? Is it the vast emptiness so obviously tearing at the very fibre of their soulless existence? Or are the men from North of the Tweed merely consumed with such gluttony that they are the most criminally sinful sporting team of all time, destined to live forever in infamy?
The answer became clear during the national anthem, which was held relatively early, despite Andrew Johns’ threat that he could happily watch a replay of Johnathan Thurston setting up a try for hours and hours.
During the anthem, Cameron Smith could clearly be seen instead singing words from ‘Mein Kampf’, while several of his Maroon teammates ended the performance with a hearty ‘Heil Hydra!’
So, relentlessly evil it is, then.
James Tedesco
Grade: A
Against Queensland’s sinful wickedness stood James Tedesco, the young fullback destined to lead New South Wales out of the darkness of the last decade like a shining beacon of hype.
Before the game, Brad Fittler breathlessly explained the deadly unpredictability of Tedesco, pointing out that sometimes he will run and pass the ball, whereas on other occasions he will run and not pass the ball.
Not that any of that helped when Queensland effortlessly opened the scoring via Inglis after an overlap formed on the left following Josh Dugan’s decision to wander off and hunt a Pokemon.
Penalties
Grade: B+
New South Wales hit back in the 23rd minute with a try to Tyson Frizell, who for the second time in as many matches, utilised the often misunderstood tactic of running towards the try line and putting the ball down over it. The rest of his team had no interest in Frizell’s madcap theories, though, and Queensland spent the rest of the half heroically defending their line from wave after wave of bumbling Blues attack.
Queensland ended up conceding nine penalties in the first half, along with Cooper Cronk being sent to the sin bin for, I dunno, passing notes in class? Had New South Wales merely had the foresight to bring 1980s sharpshooter Ross Conlon out of retirement for this game, they could have gone to the break twenty points ahead. Instead, they had to settle for a mere 6-4 lead.
As the teams trudged off at halftime, Brad Fittler hilariously asked James Maloney what the key was for the Blues to break the Queensland defence. As if the New South Wales halfback had the faintest clue.
Michael Jennings
Grade: F
After a halftime break that saw rugby league Immortals Andrew Johns and Wally Lewis battle with swords to take the other’s head and win The Prize, New South Wales finally secured another try via Andrew Fifita to take the lead out to 12-4.
There was some contention from the pocket referee – or Cameron Smith as he prefers to be called – that Michael Jennings had been in an offside position when the try was scored. But he was overruled by The Bunker, who decided that Jennings hadn’t had any impact on the play. A harsh call from the video referees, but we’ve all been witness to Jennings’ Origin career and we all know in our hearts that it’s true.
Soft sin bins
Grade: B-
Queensland rallied yet again, bringing the score back to 12-10 after Gavin Cooper scored out wide. Fifita was then sin-binned after a post-try scuffle broke out.
Most viewers agreed it was a harsh call from the referees to bin Fifita. Why, it’s almost as if you can’t run in from the other side of the field and try to tear a Queenslander’s head off from behind any more. I mean, Fifita can’t be expected to just disappear!
Despite the sin-binning, New South Wales somehow maintained their lead while Fifita was off the field and went into the last ten minutes two points ahead.
Until, as always, Queensland scored via Darius Boyd with just five minutes remaining to give them the match and the whitewash.
Congratulations, Queensland. Deserving 3-0 victors.
Flipping the script
Grade: A
Except, wait a moment. What was this? Suddenly, with just two minutes left on the clock now, it was New South Wales who went the length of the field, with Tedesco – hallowed be His name – pulled down agonisingly short of the try line. And then Jennings straightened and scored the actual match-winning try, primarily to shove it in the face of those snooty Bunker critics from earlier in the half.
Gallen converted the try to finish his career. Aaron Woods celebrated by high-fiving nobody at all. And New South Wales went mad celebrating a 1-2 series victory that will surely never be forgotten.