Day 15 – Does Brazil have an extradition treaty with Indonesia? Miss Kitty insists that the nine Australian athletes detained for hours, and then charged with falsifying documents are merely innocent victims of an administrative snafu.
If that is the case, why are they then paraded in front of the cameras like they are the ‘Bali Nine’, complete with hoodies pulled up to hide their shamed faces?
It’s a shocking look, almost as bad as the news that the four Australian officials apparently responsible are whisked away to the airport on the quiet, so that they are safely on the plane home before local police come looking for them.
Caster Semenya races to a convincing win in the women’s 800m final, seemingly oblivious to all of the controversy surrounding her participation.
Over on Channel Seven, Bruuuce handles it with consummate professionalism and even-handedness; today is all about celebrating the athletic achievement at face value, without an asterix. If there is another day of reckoning ahead, so be it.
IAAF President Seb Coe later signals that that day of reckoning might not be far away, with a strong case being prepared for the Court of Arbitration around the setting of an appropriate maximum level of testosterone for female athletes.
Semenaya does her own cause in the court of public opinion little favour, by posing like she is ready to take on Mike Tyson in the ring. And win.
It’s all a bit like that age-old poser of how Cadbury get the Caramello inside the chocolate – some things in life really are too difficult to solve.
Chloe Esposito comes out of nowhere to claim gold medal hero status, lifting Australia’s final gold medal tally from a less than respectable seven, to a less than respectable eight.
Her sport, the modern pentathlon, needs a bit of work however. Far more exciting for viewers to have the shooting combined with the equestrian rather than the running.
The women’s golfers do their sport proud, a lesson to their self-centered brethren who found it beneath them to grace Rio with their presence.
Gold medal winner Inbee Park describes her win as the ultimate, which may now precipitate her retirement into having babies. Silver medal winner, a beaming Lydia Ko, declares that she won’t take her medal off, and will even shower with it on – hey what did those New Zealanders do to get hot water in their section of the village?
Notably, all three medalists are of Asian origin. Despite all of the indifference around it being added to the Olympic roster, watch for golf to be a headline act in Tokyo in 2020.
Brazil captain and national hero Neymar immortalises himself, scoring in normal time, before nailing the winning penalty, in the men’s football final against Germany.
He promptly puts on a headband that says ‘100 per cent Jesus’, then has a big sook. So Brazil. So Soccer.
Day 16 – Australian Olympic supremo John Coates comes out swinging against the heads of various Australian sporting bodies, as being unsuited for their roles.
Unsurprisingly the impugned, Malcolm Speed, John Bertrand and Leigh Clifford, swing right back, subtly reminding the Australian public that Mr. Coates’ annual remuneration of $700,000 would buy a lot of schoolbooks for poor Brazilian children, or even a deposit on a 1br apartment in Sydney (without a parking space).
Australia firms as early favourite for the new event of finger-pointing, for the Tokyo 2020 games.
Mo Farah and Usain Bolt cross paths in the athlete’s tunnel, in between events on the final day of track. It’s a wonderful moment, an exchange of mutual admiration and respect between two of the greatest ever.
Australian Athletics head coach Craig Hillier, a glass half-full kind of guy, points to a strong performance by his team, with 19 athletes registering top ten performances.
Which is one way of measuring it. The other, a tally of medals, paints a slightly different picture; only a silver and bronze medal apiece, both won in distance walking, away from the action inside the stadium.
Hillier isn’t asked how that stacks up against New Zealand’s four medals in track and field. Maybe he was too busy watching the Bledisloe Cup.
It is thoughtful, rational and transparently honest. Anyone who reads it is left in no doubt why she is a gold medalist.
And then, seemingly as quickly as it had begun, it is over. Normality slowly washes over the streets of Rio again.
So long Rio it’s been nice knowing you. These may not have been the greatest Olympic games ever, but considering how your economy has gone down the toilet so rapidly, you didn’t smell quite as bad as some over-sensitive rich folk made out.
And the lawless rogues who rule your streets? They were almost outnumbered by the spoiled, petulant brats who made false claims to being victims of crime.
And who cares if you can’t spell properly (Brazil has a “z” in it dumbo, not an “s”)
The Olympics may never grace your fair city ever again – it takes a long time to get that sort of cash and that number of brown paper bags together for the IOC members.
But you, with guidance and direction from our own Miss Kitty, got there in the end. It’s the taking part that is important, not the winning.
Australian medical room condom update; original allocation 10,000, current stock 2. As expected, a flurry of activity in the last couple of days as Australian athletes realise that they may never see another Swedish volleyballer/Jamaican sprinter again in their lives.
The final one is taken from the bowl by Chloe Esposito, just as the male athlete who took the second last one turns around to face her. It’s her brother Max. With the vibe killed, they both put them back.
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