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Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. This is the Test we’ve all been waiting for: will that cheek-faced gremlin Eddie Jones forever thwart poor blunt-spoken Michael Cheika?
A few thoughts, with no apparent theme.
Mike Brown looks as if he could be Jones’ son
This is not an assertion of fact. Nor is it a birther controversy. They both have the same pinched expression, as if each is passing a rather large load through their father-and-son digestive tracts, at all times. Brown is bigger than Jones, but maybe Jones has shrunk, or maybe Brown’s mum was quite huge.
The Wallabies’ exit game is rubbish, so maybe they should focus on entrance
Reece Hodge
When that big boy Reece Hodge looks over at the Poms’ 10-12 channel of Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie next to flat-top Owen Farrell, he must be thinking it’s a kinder, gentler passageway than he sees in the Rugby Championship midfields.
The front rows are a severe mismatch, still
Every Wallaby is a mini-me of his corresponding English opponent. Scott Sio would fit inside Mako Vunipola’s tummy. Squeaky Moore is half as talkative, a third as mean, and a quarter as nasty as Dylan Hartley. Dan Cole has a head at least 175 per cent larger than Sekope Kepu’s.
White is a fine and crisp colour to start any conflict wearing
But bodily fluids can form a tableau on it, too. I would encourage Kane Douglas to sneeze on George Kruis at the first lineout, after eating the old Vegemite-bangers-and-mash breakfast at the hotel.
Is it just me, or do the Wallabies have the stronger, faster, fitter bench?
Sean McMahon, Nick Frisby, Quade Cooper, and Henry Speight can put the hammer down on their opposite numbers in the last stanza.
I am concerned about how much better – in every way – Ben Youngs is than Nick Phipps
So much better. Youngs has no beef with physios, shoes, or refs. He is the dummiest dummier I have ever seen, too.
Chris Robshaw and David Pocock almost never completely close their mouths
I would like to see Michael Hooper and Joe Marler fight in a cage. With a few rules
Lopeti Timani versus Nathan Hughes? Any ideas? I have no idea
Bernard Foley
RAF Lieutenant Bernard ‘Tally Ho’ Foley looks oh so World War II British when he grows a modest little moustache. He looks like he would be the officer who welcomes young Corporal Ford into the barracks. Corp. Ford is the only flyhalf in world rugby less imposing than Lt. Foley. And if it was a film, the audience would know that Ford would not make it back from the Front.
The English love islands
They occupy a very famous and mostly happy island. They also like names from other islands: Te’o and Vunipola. No man is an island, but sometimes I think Tom Wood looks like he’s been stranded on an island for a while.
Jonny May is wild when he runs
Or passes. His wildness exceeds the wildness of the great Dane Haylett-Petty, but not necessarily the exotic style of rugby played by Israel Folau. I would like to see a lot of interactions between Brown, May, Haylett-Petty, and Folau in the air and on the ground and it would be quite nice if many of those exchanges and battles were looked at by TMOs.
Mumm’s the word
Dean Mumm has replaced Cooper as the flashpoint, the scandal waiting to happen, for Wallaby fans. He has 56 caps, so he must not be as bad as people say. Then again, I’ve never seen him do much, really. I mean, he’s not poor. But not great.
Game plans are all the rage
The Springboks are trying to find one. Everyone wants Joe Schmidt’s. Cheika sent his bugging team over to Dublin. All they’ve recorded so far is Beauden Barrett singing the Dropkick Murphys. But the problem is rugby is about match-ups, and no one game plan works.
Best of luck to the Poms and the Wallabies. Swing low versus down under? Sounds like a golf lesson.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.