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A 256-team World Cup in 2066?

There's no bigger sporting event on the calendar than the World Cup (Photo: Flickr)
Roar Guru
11th January, 2017
20

Did the 2026 World Cup expansion to 48 teams take you by surprise? Have you speculated on how big the World Cup could become?

The Roar sent its humble right-side hack, 70s Mo, forward in time to the year 2050 to interview the incumbent FIFA president, Innit Phormyself, who has just called a press conference.

Mo: Good Morning, Innit. Can you tell us the exciting news?

IP: Hi there, Mo. Yes, I would like to announce that the 2066 World Cup will be expanded to 256 teams.

Mo: Wow, that is a surprise. This announcement is not just a knee-jerk reaction to ensure China qualifies?

IP: Certainly not. China did make the last World Cup you know.

Mo: That’s right. They qualified via the new groupings. What was it called again?

IP: The CFC – Chinese Football Confederation.

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Mo: But there was only one team in that confederation.

IP: It doesn’t matter. They still had to top their group.

Mo: But tell me, there are only 211 countries playing football. How did you come up with 256 teams?

IP: Here, have a look at this sheet.

Mo: Hmm. Looking at the names on this list… Pluto, Neptune, Trumptopia… surely these are planets, barely even colonised yet.

IP: Our boffins predict in 100 years there will be 10 billion TV sets in the outer rim of the solar system. It’s never too early to go after new markets. Besides, we need to get in first before rugby and cricket.

Mo: With all these teams, won’t there be a dilution in skills. Aren’t you concerned with quality?

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Innit: Of course broadcast quality is important. All matches from the 2066 World Cup will be broadcast in XUHD – to maximise advertising revenue.

Mo: The 2066 World Cup will be a logistical nightmare. Is there any country on Earth that can even afford to host it?

IP: No. That’s why we took the decision to host the tournament on Mars.

Mo: What? Why would you do that? Cheap labour?

IF: It would be of lasting benefit to the Martian economy.

Mo: Aren’t you worried about labour exploitation? What about the #MartiansArePeopleToo movement?

IF: Don’t believe all the fake news you read. You should only pay attention to FIFA-sanctioned fake news.

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Mo: Let’s turn our attention to the tournament itself. The 2066 World Cup is scheduled to run for 322 days. Surely people will get bored halfway through and the European clubs won’t like it. Doesn’t this seem overly long to you?

IP: Absolutely not. It fits perfectly into the season.

Mo: The football season?

IP: No. The ratings season.

Mo: What about drawn games, how will they be decided?

IP: Ratings.

Mo: Say again?

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IP: It’s simple. In the event of a draw the team with the highest TV ratings will go through. Look, we considered penalty kicks but the outcome is too unreliable. We have to pay the bills you know.

Mo: Some pundits have suggested that the 256-team World Cup is just a money-making exercise. How do you respond to that?

IP: It’s just nonsense. We want to grow the world game. Our 256 markets… err members are all that we are concerned with.

Mo: Some have also suggested that there is a whiff of corruption and that FIFA officials are greedy and arrogant with their noses planted firmly in the trough.

IP: Another fabrication. Look, all my neighbours on the Cote d‘Azur are FIFA officials. They are the loveliest people you could hope to meet.

Mo: With so many chateaux in the south of France owned by FIFA officials, is there any truth to the rumour that FIFAland might enter a team in the World Cup?

IP: We are always open to new markets… err members.

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Mo: But that would create an odd number of teams. Which team would you kick out to make way?

IP: Personally, I would boot Uranus.

Mo: That’s all we have time for. Thanks, Innit Phormyself, it’s been a pleasure.

IP: Treasure?

Mo: Pleasure. Good night folks!

OK, the above “interview” is a bit of a cartoon, highlighting the perceived negative aspects of the expanded World Cup.

Many people, myself included, have been quick to form an opinion but the 2026 World Cup is still ten years away and to be fair to FIFA they have given us a long time to get used to it and perhaps 24 hours is too early to judge. Who knows, the expansion to a 48-team tournament might prove to be the most enlightened decision FIFA ever made.

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