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While record crowd numbers and TV ratings over the first two rounds for the AFLW might have impressed some, slightly overweight opinion-slinger Dennis Dixon isn’t having a bar of the new women’s league.
Dixon, a financial manager from Brighton has been surprisingly vocal about his opposition to not only the AFLW, but all women’s sports.
“I’m the sort of bloke that just tells it how it is. And honestly, sport should just be left to us men – sorry if that offends the social justice warriors and the PC police, but that’s the way it is snowflakes, sue me!
“Did you watch that on the weekend? What a joke! I could beat them with no boots on,” he roared, a claim which surprised many of his colleagues.
“Yeah look I was a bit taken aback when he was slagging them off again on Monday morning,” account manager Roger Wilson told The Roar.
“I went down to watch one of his fifth-grade footy games last year and it was honestly one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen.
“Every time he goes to kick the ball he looks like a baby giraffe trying to run for the first time – it’s pretty grim.”
Dixon, who conceded he might “not be in the best shape ever” was still bullish about his ability to succeed at the top level of women’s sport.
“I’d still drill it.
“I just think we should just leave sport to the blokes – except for that Lingerie Football they have over in America,” he said with a wry wink.
Dennis got particularly riled that these “chicks get to play with a crowd of 20,000 lefties and try-hards egging them on” while his sporting dreams were realised in front of 30 mothers of people young enough to be his offspring.
“Yeah I could have gone pro if I wanted to,” he assured reporters.
“I’m pretty sure I was being scouted by Carlton in my last year of high school but yeah, it just wasn’t for me – I’d rather be doing this (gesturing to his small, grey cubicle) than chasing a ball for a crust.
“I’m more of a Harvey Spectre than a Warwick Capper, to be honest.”
Despite his misgivings about women playing sport, Dennis is a part of his company’s mixed-gender AFL9s team.
While he sees himself as a star player, it seems his teammates don’t necessarily maintain the same view. Thomas Mickleson started the team and says he still regrets the day he asked Dennis to join.
“He always blames the girls, but deadset, he’s easily the worst player on the team,” Thomas said.
“He just sits at full-forward and tells everyone to ‘stay out of my way and enjoy the show’.
“The girls will lace him out on the tit, he’ll drop it cold and then blow up at them for not having ‘enough weight behind the kick’, whatever the hell that means.”
Dennis would not be drawn to comment on rumours of dropped sitters and shanked attempts on goal.
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