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“Welcome to paradise,” said the waiter as he settled me into my seat on Thursday night at a likely looking Brazilian Churrascaria, the glint in his eye hinting at the prospect of 40 beautiful virgins being paraded before me to choose from, as well as his succulent cuts of juicy meat.
An hour later the tally read no virgins and a plate full of unfinished beef, pork and lamb, many of the offerings disappointingly dry, overcooked and indistinguishable from each other. Decidedly un-Brazilian.
There’s an art to raising expectations but delivering on them is far more preparation, technique and hard graft.
Both England and Wales fans teeming around central Cardiff on match day have high expectations, and their sides don’t let them down, throwing everything into a pulsating, brutally attritional Test match.
In the end, it is the Welsh balloons that are pricked. Despite a heroic effort, all that is left for fans now is a visit to a dodgy Churrascaria to complete their misery.
There is something spellbinding about how Cardiff’s stadium dominates the city; indeed I can think of no other major city where a sports stadium is such a central focus. Perhaps Melbourne comes close, and some may offer Wellington, but even then, there are decent walks involved from the CBD.
Inside Principality Stadium the atmosphere is everything one expects and then more. The teams line up, the goat is led away, and that most magnificent of national anthems is sung so beautifully by the home fans, with such heartfelt passion, that the roof, had it been closed, would have been lifted off anyway.
The cat and mouse that has played out all week over the roof has finally been resolved; it is England’s call and Eddie Jones wants it open. He’s a hard man that Eddie, can’t he feel how freezing cold it is?
It’s no wonder he goes that way; in ten clashes since the stadium was built, Wales have won four out of five when the roof has been closed and England have won four out of five with the roof open. Statistics are often just numbers looking for someone to make something out of them that isn’t there, but those numbers do look suspiciously like a pattern.
The consensus in the media centre is that it is essential for Wales to start well. And they do, recycling possession, forcing a penalty. Leigh Halfpenny duly nails his first opportunity from 40 metres.
Wales target Nathan Hughes, rejecting him twice before Halfpenny makes 60 metres on the turnover. The back row of Sam Warburton, Justin Tipuric and Ross Moriarty are up for the contest; Wales turn over England at the breakdown three times inside first eight minutes.
None of this deters England from offering Hughes up for more punishment. In total, he manfully makes 22 hit-ups, not all of them effective but with bruises to show for every single one.
Mid-half England enjoys their best period of the match with the ball, controlling play through an amazing 26 phases. It’s impressive stuff and the try inevitably comes for halfback Ben Youngs from close range.
Wales need some possession and they get it; Liam Williams finds an open seam and Dan Cole is done for not rolling away. Halfpenny gets it back to 6-8.
At 27 minutes Alun Wynn-Jones talks referee Jerome Garces into a TMO review, but halfback Rhys Webb is an inch short. Wales turn down the penalty and roll the dice; it feels like this is their moment.
But their scrum buckles and the chance is blown. “Take the points,” reverberates around the ground from those who seconds earlier were cheering for the opposite.
Approaching halftime Youngs is charged down, and in a rush to recover, Coles knocks on. This time Wales’ scrum is steady and Liam Williams slices through on the angle for that rare beast; a try from first phase.
It is just what the game needs, setting things up for a tense second half. With the conversion, Wales go in 13-8 ahead.
Wales pick up after half time where they left off. Another turnover, a thrilling counterattack, but a forward pass rules out the try for Dan Biggar.
Everyone knows that the way for England to win is through their bench. Jamie George is sighted early; James Haskell too, for Jack Clifford.
England finally wins the ball but Jonathan Joseph overcooks a wide pass into the third row of the stand. Coach Jones would rightly complain later; too many times England loop the ball to the wings without defenders being committed first.
Still they stay close. At 55m, a Farrell penalty brings it back to 13-11.
But from the kick-off there is yet another turnover for Wales. Seemingly endless phases later, England slow the ruck ball under their posts. Back to a five-point margin, Wales 16-11.
England hammer and hammer in response. Surely the try is coming, but Biggar intercepts on his line. He doesn’t have the pace to go all the way but Wales are again at the right end. It’s thrilling stuff, end to end.
Like last week, England revert to the maul. At 68m a penalty 10m out means decision time. They take the three to Farrell. 14-16.
Jones empties his bench. Eddie the poker player has gone ‘all in’.
What really impresses is the ability of both sides to recycle, despite the defensive intensity. At 73 minutes, Alex Cuthbert spills it in midfield, a crucial turnover. Hughes is smashed again; what’s he still doing there?
Ben Te’o busts, and it’s almost the match-winner. Superb defence on the line turns it over, but Jonathan Davies’ clearing kick skews into midfield. Farrell runs it back, finds Eliot Daly exactly where he should be, and he gasses into the corner. Farrell nails a superb conversion and England finally has their lead, 21-16.
With two and a half minutes to eat up, England inexplicably cough up the kick-off. But their defence is too resolute. Kyle Sinckler nabs a ruck turnover and Wales are left shattered. The match was theirs for the taking.
Their analysis will show eight turnovers won to two lost. But too often they aren’t clinical enough to take advantage. And with England perfect at set piece against Wales’ meagre 67 per cent, it’s that attention to detail which counts in the end.
There are good players everywhere, but this is a day for the big men. Joe Launchbury is a deserved man of the match, but Courtney Lawes and Maro Itoje aren’t far behind him.
Wales have big men heroes too in their pack. Wynn-Jones is inspirational and lock partner Jake Ball a revelation. No player hides, it’s crunch and be crunched from go to whoa.
England wins the day because not only do they have a superior bench, but Jones makes better use of it than Rob Howley does with his. Ben Te’o, for the second week running, makes a decisive impact.
Toby Faletau for Moriarty proves a net loss for Wales, a major one; Faletau in his comeback not yet ready for this pace and intensity.
Howley also holds Sam Davies on the bench when the match cries out for a game breaker. Biggar was excellent, distributing and defending, but he looked spent after his intercept. This was the moment for Davies.
England is not yet imposing like the All Blacks, but they have All Black-like self-belief. They are at a fascinating juncture; they can and will get better, but they are also there for the taking, if a side, unlike Wales and France, can play out the whole 80 minutes.
Filing out, the home fans are deflated, but their disappointment is tempered by the effort shown by their side, and the quality of the contest. It has been a classic Test match; for neutrals like me, expectations well and truly exceeded.