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Aussie rugby in 2017: No known unknowns now left, right?

Roar Rookie
16th February, 2017
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The Melbourne Rebels' Reece Hodge. (AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)
Roar Rookie
16th February, 2017
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1522 Reads

While it is impossible to predict if one day we will accurately be able to predict the future, one thing is for certain: it was much harder to predict the present in the past.

Armed with this robust sense of circular logic, a Colecovision game cartridge, and a robust sense of circular logic, I make the following guesstafacts about the path for Australian rugby in 2017.

1. It is not too soon to sack the next new Wallaby coach
With Michael Cheika not having won a game now for months, his removal appears inevitable to most fair-minded observers.

But with his yet-to-be named replacement stranded 17 victories shy of even Cheika’s paltry record, the question must be asked – who should be chosen to replace Cheika’s successor?

While potentially a contentious issue, I am confident that the ARU and Australian public will approach this tough decision with the cool pragmatism for which we are renowned.

2. For the Wallabies to be successful, all five franchises need to win the Australian conference, and at least three must win the tournament
The last few seasons have been erratic for Australia, with our Super Rugby teams spread widely throughout the table – some high, some low, and others in the middle.

The time has come to end this inconsistency and for each franchise to prove its worth by hoisting the cup in 2017. And if some of the new international franchises could join us at the top of table, perhaps with several New Zealand and South African teams, then that would have our Northern Hemisphere rivals running scared and be good for world rugby as a whole.

Waratahs players celebrate after defeating the Crusaders in the Super Rugby Final

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3. The new high tackle laws will lead to the demise of rugby this year
Despite it being statistically far more likely to be eaten by a shark while swimming in the ocean than while playing rugby, pasty faced bureaucrats and speccy doctors insist on introducing this maddening rule.

It is one thing to watch the game from the comfort of their ivory towers, but how many of them can honestly claim the real-world experience of sitting in front of The Roar night after night, commenting endlessly on rugby blogs?

Theory never beats practice when it comes to sporting pursuits, and it’s time to leave the tough decisions to the Experts, Gurus and Pros. Like obtaining a Masters Degree or playing second XV for a Central Coast boys school back in the early 90s, these Roar labels are hard earned.

4. NSW and Queensland fans will go back to supporting each other through constructive, mutually positive dialogue
A fan-centric Australian rugby site is no place for reflexive, team-based antagonism. It is well known that prior to 2014, the two states were standard bearers of collegial good will, a symbiotic red-and-blue rainbow showering mutual love and harmony across the country like Tinkerbell’s farts.

Somewhere along the way though, we become less Peter Pan and more Kramer versus Kramer.

Never has society seen such regressive binary opposition – apart perhaps from cola-themed soft drink multinationals, world wars, every soccer team, Apple versus PC, US and Canadian hockey, Holden versus Ford, Trump versus the media, Team Edward versus Team Jacob, religion versus science, religion versus other religions, and all partisan politics ever.

My prediction is that, after the Reds win Super Rugby in 2017, Waratahs supporters will be genuinely pleased for their brethren, doff their tweed caps, and remain in respectful silence during the muted and dignified celebrations that will inevitably follow.

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So, irrespective of how this journey unfolds over the coming year, let us link arms and sincerely appreciate the camaraderie of being on it together.

And if you don’t stop hitting your sister, I swear to god I will pull this car over and you will get out and walk!

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