On the eve of India’s inevitable backlash in Bangalore, The Roar are delighted to offer readers this special online lift-out, commemorating the best moments of Australia’s 3-1 series loss.
With absolutely no chance of the astonishing events of Pune being recreated across the remaining three matches, we’re celebrating the inconceivable truth of the first Test before it is enveloped within a rebounding tidal wave.
And why wouldn’t we?
When a team fails to adapt to Indian conditions, flounders to spin and crumbles twice inside three days to lose by 300-plus runs, we’re usually laughing at Australia or a South African coach’s curriculum.
But this time, we’re laughing at India and fearing the repercussions. And it feels so good.
While taking nothing away from the stunning accomplishment of Steve Smith’s team, this famous victory was aided by large swathes of anomalous frailty, putrid hands and a miscarriage of manipulation.
But whether you believe the result was a lucky conglomeration of freak events, or simply the culmination of a fortunate sequence of abnormalities, it is now enshrined for us to enjoy together, a nation agape as one.
So on behalf of The Roar, please enjoy this conceptual souvenir marking the moments that mattered. Hang it on the wall of your imagination, a keepsake as real as the chances of this ever happening again.
Stephen O’Keefe’s magic numbers
O’Keefe’s control was imperious. Not only did he net identical figures of 6/35 in each innings, he was able to break Australia’s subcontinent drought precisely at day number 4502, which also happens to be Shane Warne’s average in India.
BCCI muffs own directive
As an enterprise in corruption that dabbles in cricket on the side, the BCCI always get their two copies of Bonestorm at Christmas. So where were you the day they butchered a pitch doctoring?
Slaughtering your own surface is the stuff of first shaves, not professional swindlers. Was it in opposition to a Supreme Court order? Was it a tax write-off? Whatever it was, it was definitely one of these two options.
Steve Smith’s record-breaking emotion
In one of the most superlative performances of this paragraph, the Aussie captain scrapped to his maiden century on Indian soil. Knowing his otherworldly capacity, I’m not writing him off to repeat the record in Bangalore.
Smith’s animated reaction after scaling his toughest task will be forever remembered for one indelible lesson; there is nothing on this Earth that can make him dab.
DRS gets the tick
Australia were thrilled to behold the Indians vindication about DRS. Seems they were right all along; it is terrible and doesn’t work for them.
A small win for the hosts must be conceded though; they employed the same piece of machinery afterwards to determine man of the match.
Unholy Virat Kohli
While still managing to total 13 runs while hampered by grumpy pants, the Indian captain was suspiciously out of sorts. He shouldered arms to a straight one like it was for major shareholder rights to a cement company.
But we must savour this Kohli downturn. Frankly, he is exactly like Tony Abbott: you might keep him quiet for a day or two, but eventually he’ll be back sniping from the backbenches in his Speedos.
No flies on Matt Renshaw
The stringy Queenslander’s two measured innings were the stuff of a grizzled throwback. He demonstrated again that everything about him is old fashioned, except the refusal to freely soil himself in public.
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