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Folks, we are losing at the border. We have signed possibly the worst Super Rugby deal ever with South Africa and New Zealand. We need to make rugby great again!
If Donald Trump was an Australian Rugby fan, he would probably be pretty angry. He’d rightfully point out that we don’t win anymore, that we send weak negotiators, but most importantly, he’d point out that New Zealand and South Africa are ‘nasty guys’, and we should not be nice to them.
Take Steve Tew. Nasty guy! The CEO of the NZRU has been relentless in the pursuit of New Zealand’s rugby interests, and is not afraid to stomp on toes in the process. Last year, when New Zealand discovered a bugged chair in their hotel room during the week, the NZRU waited several days to report it.
In fact, they waited until the day of the game, for maximum destabilisation of the Australian camp. What a foul and nasty thing to do to a supposed business partner. Later, it confusingly emerged that it was an All Blacks security consultant who planted the bug.
In all likelihood, the bug was probably a ‘false flag’, and could be the workings of a rogue security guard, or could be the workings of a Watergate level political operation designed purely to disrupt our Wallabies, that could possibly have come from the top of the NZRU itself.
Whatever the case, the failure to report the bug until game day was indicative of a foul organisation seeking to ram home whatever advantage it had. The response from Bill Pulver was weak. “We are very disappointed in the decision to release this information on game day,” he said.
He might as well have been Neville Chamberlain telling Adolf Hitler not to annex Czechoslovakia. Bill Pulver should have called a press conference and demanded an apology on live national television from Steve Tew for their disgusting behaviour, or for him to resign.
But such is the dovish nature of the ARU, they have set the precedent that they will allow their neighbours to invade and pillage the sacred ground of rugby in Australia. It is time we get tougher at negotiating.
One such method, employed by notorious former US president Richard Nixon, is called Madman theory. If you give the appearance that you are crazy and irrational at the negotiating table, you can often get a better deal. Players, convinced you might actually do something nuts, will often agree to negotiated terms not in their interest.
Nixon employed this tactic when negotiating for peace in the Vietnam war, saying, “I call it the Madman Theory, Bob. I want the North Vietnamese to believe I’ve reached the point where I might do anything to stop the war. We’ll just slip the word to them that, for God’s sake, you know Nixon is obsessed about communism. We can’t restrain him when he’s angry — and he has his hand on the nuclear button!”
Nixon, and chief diplomat Henry Kissinger, used this tactic to get a more favourable peace treaty in the Vietnam war. Likewise, it is time for the ARU to go nuclear and use this negotiating tactic in our quest for peace in Super Rugby.
The ARU should give the indication that such is the rotten, off state of Super Rugby, that it has become convinced that unless the competition is reformed in a state which appeases the ARU’s interest, the ARU is not afraid to go it alone and ditch SANZAAR in its entirety.
Of course, the threat needs to be credible, which is why the ARU is sending hawkish vice chairman Brett Papworth to do the dirty work. Whatever the case, the ARU must cease to be the nice guy of Super Rugby negotiations.
We should remember the NZRU’s total lack of hesitation to throw the ARU under the bus on Bledisloe Cup game day, we should remember the SARU’s outrageous demands for previous negotiations (as well as sinister game day tactics like turning the lights out in the warm-up rooms).
And we should get tougher. We should stare Steve Tew in the face and demand a better deal for Australian Rugby. It’s time for the ARU to go nuclear. Turn up to Super Rugby negotiations with your finger on the red button!
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.