The Board of Control for Cricket in India has announced the signing of former Australian fast bowler Merv Hughes as a strategic intimidation consultant for its Test, one-day and Twenty20 teams.
Hughes has reportedly been signed to a three-year contract and will fly to New Delhi this weekend to begin working with Indian captain Virat Kohli and team management on a plan to improve India’s sledging in all forms of the game.
“The latest series against Australia, while successful in the end, showed that there is an urgent need to update our sledging protocols and practices, and Merv can help us do that,” said Indian head coach Anil Kumble.
“In his playing days he was acknowledged as one of the finest sledgers the team has ever known, and since his retirement he has kept up with world’s best practice in the area.”
The BCCI is believed to have taken the action after doubts were raised about the efficacy of the team’s sledging in the hard-fought Australian series, with critics within the Indian establishment concerned by what they saw as the unfocused and occasionally banal nature of the taunts directed at Steve Smith’s team.
“Before the series started we expected to win 4-0, and the prevailing opinion is that if we’d worked a little harder on mental disintegration, that might well have been achieved,” said a BCCI insider.
Hughes, who took 212 Test wickets and was once known among teammates as ‘Fruit Fly’ to denote his status as Australia’s biggest pest, was famous for being just as aggravating to opponents as he was to teammates.
Some of Hughes’s most famous sledges include suggesting he bowl a piano to Graham Gooch to see if he can play that; telling Robin Smith to turn over his bat and read the instructions on the back, and telling Viv Richards to f$%k off.
“I’m delighted to get a chance to work with the boys on honing their sledging game to its sharpest,” said Hughes in a statement.
“There’s a lot of work to do. First off, Jadeja has to know that abusing someone in a language they can’t understand is about as effective as Virat Kohli’s batting.”
Hughes also addressed concerns that his working with another country might be seen as a betrayal.
“I will always hold a special place in my heart for Australia, but this was an opportunity too good to pass up,” he said.
“In my playing days I always put in the maximum effort to irritate and enrage players from all countries, including Australia, and I see this as nothing more than a continuation of this.”
Privately, Kohli has expressed admiration for Hughes’s sledging achievements and agreed that the younger members of his team can no doubt learn a lot from him.
UPDATE:
Now that it’s after midday we can reveal that this is indeed an April Fool’s piece. SHOCK HORROR!
Check out some of the short-arm pull shots from Rocky Flintoff!
Harshal Patel was not a happy man!
David Lord has been remembered as an icon of Australian sports journalism following his death, aged 84. The renowned writer and broadcaster was an…
Sign the man up for a contract next season!
RCB have suffered a massive HEAD-ACHE after Travis Head smashed the fastest century by an SRH player in just 39 balls, as they amassed…
A brutal century by Travis Head has blasted Sunrisers Hyderabad back into the Indian Premier League play-off places in another match for bowlers to…
