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Once again, the NRL’s traditional Anzac Day fixture between the St George Illawarra Dragons and the Sydney Roosters is under fire.
This seems to happen every year, as pundits, opinion-makers, Matty Johns and other media thought-leaders fall over one another to point out how ludicrous it is to compare the trauma and horrors of war to a game of rugby league.
It makes one wonder how the NRL hierarchy and the respective sides have got it so wrong. After all, the traditional Good Friday clash between the Bulldogs and Rabbitohs doesn’t draw anywhere near as much criticism, despite the fact that in the history of those clashes, fewer than half a dozen players have been nailed to the cross bar.
So what can NRL CEO Todd Greenberg do to help the Dragons and Roosters make their Anzac Day match a more accurate, and hence more respectful, simulation of the battlefields of war?
The obvious first step is to loosen up some of the rules designed to curb injuries in the game. For one game a year, let’s bring back shoulder charges. Let’s reinstate spear tackles. And if you want to chicken wing, squirrel grip or even weasel wedge in a tackle, then you should be allowed to do so without fear of penalty.
In fact, why even have referees on the field at all? The diggers didn’t have some clown blowing a whistle whenever things got out of hand, and there is therefore no reason why Tyson Frizell or Jared Waerea-Hargreaves should be subjected to such indignities in this most solemn of matches.
And obviously, the off-field officials can be removed as well. There are much better uses for a bunker in an Anzac Day game than having it occupied by some jokers watching the game on television and sprouting forth drunken opinions on the obstruction rule.
No, if there are going to be any restrictions on what takes place in this game, let them be enforced after the event. In a war crimes tribunal. And limited solely to infringements of the Geneva Conventions. That’s how you show respect.
Secondly, let’s do something about the names of the players. One of the reasons we can’t properly compare the Roosters-Dragons game to actual World War I trench warfare is the incongruity of so many modern names scattered among the teams. There are far too many Joshes, Dylans and Blakes to take the players seriously in an Anzac Day game.
Let’s instead select some players with good old-fashioned names. Why, as recently as the 1970s, the Dragons had a five-eighth named Tony Trudgett. Are you telling me that you can’t see somebody named Tony Trudgett charging the fields of Gallipoli? Because I sure can.
And in a similar vein, can’t we get more Turks playing this match? Now, I’m not sure how many players of Turkish descent are registered to play in the NRL, but however many there are, let’s get them released from their teams for one round and integrated into this match.
Sure, the coaches of the other sides won’t be happy about this. But they’re rugby league coaches – they’re never happy, by definition. I mean, look at Wayne Bennett. Just look at him.
And speaking of coaches, if we’re going to properly bridge the gap between this Anzac Day match and the actual events at Gallipoli, then Paul McGregor and Trent Robinson need to play a role.
As the non-playing leaders of their respective sides, they need to be emulating the British commanders from a century earlier, disregarding the strategic merits of the game and showing complete indifference to the safety of their men. Ideally, at least one of the pair will enact a gameplan that, on later inspection, will be revealed to have been erroneously cribbed from, say, the Brisbane Bullets NBL team.
Finally, if we’re going to make this game a proper reflection of war, then we’re going to have to raise the stakes.
Nations go to war for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s a battle of political ideologies. Sometimes it’s to gain control of new territories. Sometimes it’s based on religious fanaticism. Sometimes it’s based on revenge for historical wrongs.
Sometimes it’s to gain control of resources. Sometimes it’s defensive, to prevent other more aggressive nations from striking against you. There are myriad of factors why countries will engage in mankind’s ultimate act of brutality.
But rarely do nations go to war for two NRL competition points. And, frankly, it’s disrespectful to even think about comparing the Dragons-Roosters Anzac Day match to the seriousness of war when the stakes of the conflict are so low.
So let’s make it four competition points and put this debate to rest once and for all.