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Origin time legally requires us to fulfil two obligations: magnifying the trivial and over-glorifying Queenslanders.
So because I don’t want to go to gaol, I’ll fill my quota by highlighting the magic of Mal Meninga as an international coach.
Forget the team of Immortals on auto-pilot and New Zealand’s staggering decline, he is the sole reason the Kangaroos have arrested their slide to the fatal darkness of number two in the world.
Make no mistake, besides Michael Hagan and a radical increase in match payments, he is singularly responsible for rescuing a doomed brand from imminent decay.
Meninga has restored pride in the national jersey with a number of forward-thinking innovations that nearly even justify his full-time role.
He has introduced ballsy policy by banning expendable criminals, while also continuing to bravely wade in to head-to-head battles against stiff opposition like David Kidwell and Fiji.
But his proudest accomplishment has to be driving a Kangaroos culture of unity and class.
The former Queensland overlord has rebuilt the crumbling empire on buzzy business words that have no place in the sheds, advocating “professionalism” and “togetherness” and stuff.
He urges his men to act like grown-ups, even showing the way forth by abstaining from pouring his own beers at the Normanby Hotel.
(AAP Image/Paul Miller)
Meninga has also strived to extinguish the factionalism between Queensland and New South Wales that has anchored the Kangaroos to the top of the rankings for too long.
These values are no more apparent than in the advert for Fox Sports’ Queenslanders Only program where the Australian coach wears a maroon gown and brands Paul Gallen and Andrew Fifita as “cheats” and “grubs.”
Some may see insulting your own players as inappropriately divisive, but these people wouldn’t know diplomacy if it squelched a bum-press on their windscreen.
This is Meninga proudly displaying his pride for the Australian jersey, embracing everything it encompasses exclusively north of Ballina.
Think of it as him metaphorically opening his heart to Australia with a proud rendition of the Kangaroos team song “Yippy Yippy Yi”.
Some may selfishly wish their time-rich national coach would present an unbiased front. Others may stupidly believe he should be spending his spare time more wisely, perhaps trying to conceal any conflicts of interest.
These are probably the same people unaware that the Berlin Wall didn’t fall until the West Germans called the East “mugs” and spray-painted the cement with a provocative “#OneInARow”.
This is surely Meninga’s zenith as ambassador, surpassing the time he deliberately gave Wayne Bennett the shits.
Best of all, it’s not like Fifita and Gallen are dangerously unhinged individuals who won’t stew on this for days while pulling the wings off flies.
Meninga’s $300,000 salary provides so much more than beating up on tiny island nations a handful of times each year. It’s the culture of harmony, the vibe of open arms for all Australian footballers from Cairns all the way down to Robina.
In fact, his conduct in high office is so impressive, he should really try politics.
Thank you, Mal, for fostering Kangaroos harmony by welcoming the cheats and grubs.