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You’ve all seen it before, the viral Old El Paso advert where they can’t choose between soft or hard tacos.
It’s only when a little girl finally suggests that soft and hard tacos can peacefully coexist and form a super-mega-hybrid taco, that we find our break in the stalemate. Well what if we applied Taco Theory to Australian Super Rugby?
Soft tacos – aka the Force – and the Melbourne ‘hard taco’ Rebels. While we are replacing stuff, sub me in for the little girl’s role of peacekeeper.
Perhaps now you might see just what the heck it is I’m actually talking about. If not, I’ve made it simpler below.
Rebels + Force = Everybody wins. Capeesh?
“But Matt, we don’t have the depth for five teams?!” Aye, that be true.
We don’t have the depth to field five competitive teams in Super Rugby. Damn! Forget it, send the taco’s I ordered back! I was wrong about everything.
Although, what if we don’t actually need better teams – but try to make the other teams worse?
We need to force New Zealand to adopt a sixth franchise in Super Rugby.
Spread their staggering depth and player quality thin? Or as Bilbo Baggins would say “like butter scraped over too much bread”.
We will call this one ‘Toast Theory’. It’s a bold plan, one that could potentially make things even worse, with six ruthless New Zealand franchises on the loose in Super Rugby.
It could even out the playing field ever so slightly and restore balance to the rugby universe.
Australian rugby depth is pretty frail right now, but when you consider the players we have lost to overseas clubs in recent years, it’s clear we’ve taken a secret sledgehammer of a hit to our playing stocks.
Nick Cummins, David Pocock, Matt Toomua, Joe Tomane, Nathan Charles, Ben Tapuai, Luke Jones, Mike Harris, Greg Holmes, Dan Palmer, Liam Gill, Dave Dennis, Wycliff Palu, Kurtley Beale, Nic White, Jesse Mogg, Scott Higginbotham, Luke Burgess, James Horwill, Beau Robinson, Will Genia, Quade Cooper, James O’Connor, Lachlan Turner, Sekope Kepu, Adam Ashley-Cooper, Drew Mitchell, Digby Ioane, Peter Betham, Ben Mowen, Hugh McMeniman, Rod Davies, Kane Douglas, Peter Kimlin, George Smith, Richard Brown, Cooper Vuna, Sitaleki Timani and Berrick Barnes.
With just as many up and coming talents lost as well, it’s no surprise we find ourselves in a rut.
But if we can sabotage the Kiwi teams and bring them down to our level, then maybe, just maybe, we can pretend there’s nothing wrong with Australian rugby.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.