I once met a man sat in his gaol cell,
You’ll never believe how I got here, said he,
So I sat and I listened to Big Bill’s last story,
It all began with a ten-leg multi.
The Ashes were won and would stay in Australia,
But Bill fancied England at the SCG,
A dead rubber, he said, would start things off sweetly,
T’was the year of 2003.
Next the Open on the hard-courts of Melbourne,
And Bill declared Andre Agassi,
He started favourite and won each match quickly,
T’was the year of 2003.
In April, Bill thought, there’s only one winner
Of the Donny: the horse Grand Armee.
He was ridden a treat by young Danny Beasley,
T’was the year of 2003
Next Big Bill turned to the rugby,
Tipped it to go to the ACT,
There was no stopping the might of the Brumby,
T’was the year of 2003.
The next leg for Bill was the Doomben 10,000,
He’d had a daydream while he sipped on his tea,
That the race would belong to the colt Bel Espirit,
T’was the year of 2003.
Big Bill always loved guessing who’d win the Brownlow,
And he took the big odds on offer with glee,
It was shared, but a winner, was Nathan Buckley,
T’was the year of 2003.
Bill turned his wisdom to the rugby league,
I can tip the team with no chance, said he,
And he said the wooden spoon will belong to South Sydney,
T’was the year of 2003.
Bill also took odds for Ben Kennedy,
To win the Dally M despite injury,
He was gone, but a player revolt saved Bill’s money,
T’was the year of 2003.
Big Bill had always had a flutter on the snooker,
Mark Williams to win and win easily,
Indeed he did, beating a brave Kevin Doherty,
T’was the year of 2003.
It all came down to that day in November,
Big Bill’s bet at odds of a million to three,
Rode on the guts and some luck from Boss and Makybe,
She got all the breaks to beat She’s Archie.
(AAP Image/Joe Castro)
Now Bill had a multi for five million dollars,
And he walked on air into the old T.A.B.,
But a maximum payout existed in their T and Cs,
10 thousand was all they would pay that Tuesd’y.
Well Bill took issue with the clause being cited,
He had never before become so angry,
Big Bill demanded that he see Glen Munsie,
Or he’d set fire to that old T.A.B.
The man at the counter claimed not to be sure of,
The exact whereabouts of his boss Glen Munise,
So Bill sprayed petrol from a can liberally,
All over the walls of that old T.A.B.
When Bill brought out his box of long matches,
He should have looked about more carefully,
For a drunken punter slept so peacefully,
In the carpeted corner of that old T.A.B.
Big Bill was soon charged with culpable homicide,
They locked him up and threw out the key,
The judge made no reference to Bill’s ten-leg multi,
And received a credit with a certain bookie.
I sat there and stared in deep sympathy,
That was quite an amazing story,
I asked him to give me some tips quietly,
Give me the form and some coffee, said he.
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