Ambush at Homebush

bigbaz Roar Guru

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    On Saturday, August the 19th, a platoon of Australian Wallabies were cowardly ambushed by a group of New Zealand All Blacks.

    The unaware Wallabies strolled onto the ANZ field at Homebush bay at around 8pm and almost immediately were set upon by 15 Kiwi warriors. A UN observer was present but did nothing to help the hapless Australians. Indeed, he seemed to encourage the Kiwis.

    Devastation ensued. Some Wallabies, still in shock from this unwarranted attack, went MIA. Patrol captain Sergeant M Hooper tried to rally his troops but they just wouldn’t listen. He went over the top anyway but cut a lonely figure 50 metres inside the front line.

    After about 40 minutes of fierce fighting by the Kiwis, they withdrew to reorganize their attack.

    The Wallabies used this lull to fly in their commanding officer Colonel M Cheika. He brought with him some reinforcements and tried to formulate a counter attack.

    The counter attack plan was to do exactly what was done in response to the earlier attacks. That was to fall back as far as possible and make long range attempts at breakouts, but don’t use long range bombs, just short range pop guns when resorting to artillery.

    The Wallabies rallied gamely when hostilities resumed but for some reason, the reinforcements were held back until the battle was well and truly lost.

    Some observers wonder why alarm bells weren’t sounded that an ambush was imminent when it was noticed that a bunch of New Zealanders were doing a war dance immediately prior to the attack.

    When questioned after the battle, Sergeant Hooper said they had prepared very well for a battle with the New Zealanders, it was just they had been surprised by the ambush. Further more the troops are in good spirits and will be more aware next time around.

    Colonel Cheika didn’t have much to say, but he did think it was disrespectful of the Kiwis to surprise us.

    In Canberra, Prime Minister Turnbull and opposition leader Bill Shorten promised bipartisan support for a Royal Commission into the incident. They are also exploring what their options are for sanctions against Kiwis living in Australia, especially those gloating over the cowardly attack.

    There has been no statement from the ARU headquarters bunker in St Leonards and none is expected for about two years.

    Fittingly, the eight members of the Waratah battalion have been mentioned in dispatches and promotions are expected.

    Unfortunately, some members of other battalions just didn’t hold up their positions and demotion or even court marshalls are probable.

    It is believed that the Wallabies are planning a revenge attack in New Zealand in the very near future, but given the New Zealanders’ formidable group of spies in Australia they are probably already aware of this plan and will be waiting for the Wallabies, probably to ambush them again.