- Video
-
Club Roar
Captured a great grassroots sporting moment? We want to see it!Content Collections
The Roar Community
- Join
- Login
Right now, match attendances are rank. So what is the NRL doing to force more people to attend against their will?
Experts say one way to fix the crowds is to get more people to congregate at games.
The NRL must employ this strategy forthwith, especially considering they are currently skint enough to be borrowing cash, hocking clubs and bumming smokes.
People have coin, and this is why Todd Greenberg needs the crowds back. Not for atmosphere, not for appearances, but to make as much money as humanly possible at their expense.
However, this will only happen once certain insidious factors preventing attendance are eliminated. Will the NRL have the stones to make the below changes?
Abolish television
Some say telly is the game’s chief source of revenue and a crucial platform for reaching new markets, but really, it’s choking the game with a noose of greenbacks.
A prompt cancellation of all television broadcasts will force the public to attend matches in person.
Until the people begin to flock, the networks can share one game a week. And just to prove seriousness, it will only be broadcast through Periscope. And that’s not Twitter’s video stream, I mean an actual periscope.
Abolish venues
Until ANZ Stadium is upgraded to dust or there are guarantees against detonating a kidney while waiting to pee at suburban grounds, venues will continue to be a human-repellent health risk.
We must make games more accessible by bringing them to the people. Play matches in more fan-friendly accessible venues, starting with living rooms and back patios.
Family homes provide all mod-cons like start-of-the-art roofing, screens and walk-in wardrobes for sheds. Better yet, they are roomier than Leichhardt Oval.
Abolish pricing
This does not mean opening the gates to allow the awaiting flocks of 8000-odd to overrun the Olympic Stadium. This is just a proposition to simplify ticketing with a basic one-size-fits-all model.
Ticketing must be streamlined to one category of prices capped at zero or free, whichever is lower. This model is based on historical demand.
[latest_videos_strip category=”rugby-league” name=”Rugby-League”]
Abolish distance
There is no greater downer to the match day experience than being racially abused on a bus or catching hepatitis on a train.
All fans need to be personally collected from their doorstep and transported to the game, free of charge. Sure, it would be expensive, but it shouldn’t cost more than John Grant’s driver service.
Abolish appetites
The need for nourishment at football is the single most detrimental factor to attendances after those listed above. Unless you’ve got the spare cash to conduct a plebiscite, forget about a pie.
In light of this issue, those hungry or thirsty will be banned from attending matches. This includes binge drinkers, sugar addicts, comfort eaters and fun lovers.
On the other hand, complimentary seating upgrades will be provided to supermodels, vegans and other unsavoury types like narcotic addicts.
It’s simple; ban people from attending, and watch the crowds skyrocket.