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While people who switch allegiances are usually viewed with the same distrust as those who give themselves nicknames, choosing another club is the only way for Demons fans to ensure their lives aren’t wasted.
Melbourne are so bad that Paul Roos was roundly praised for achieving absolutely nothing during his tenure as coach. Just think about that.
The Western Bulldogs couldn’t repeat their extraordinary performances of 2016, even with the last-minute assistance of Sam Newman. Still, the future is bright enough for the Bulldogs and they should win another premiership before 2054.
It is often said that pity is worse than hate, and sadly everyone pities St Kilda. If you had to go into battle for your life it is the St Kilda Football Club you would like to be the opposition.
Hawthorn hit rock bottom this year and it was quickly predicted they would spend years in the doldrums. But Hawthorn aren’t Melbourne or St Kilda, so rock bottom lasted only five weeks instead of 60 years. Hawks fans will enjoy their first stress-free September in nearly a decade, though on the negative side aren’t due to win another premiership until 2019 or 2020.
In a staggering demonstration of the absolute power wielded by Eddie McGuire, Collingwood reappointed Nathan Buckley for a further two years. The pair’s relationship is a cautionary tale illustrating why people who are blindly in love shouldn’t be trusted to work together.
Collingwood can now look forward to at least another two years of being referred to as the ‘biggest’ football club in Australia which is about as complimentary as having the ‘smallest hands’ in America.
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Fremantle being rubbish is good for the competition, well at least for people who enjoy the psychological torture of a Ross Lyon press conference following a Dockers loss. These are always far more entertaining than watching Freo play. Lyon’s methods have recently come under fire, but as far as I can see his only weakness is that he fails to understand a team needs to score more than the opposition. Once he gets that, Fremantle should quickly return to being mid-table non-entities.
North Melbourne finishing 15th for the year only goes to show how dreadful the three clubs that finished below them are. I’ve seen hire mules flogged less frequently than the Kangaroos and somehow Brad Scott remains a coach in demand. If Dustin Martin goes to North Melbourne he is crazier than he looks. The money is irrelevant Dusty, neck tattoos aren’t that expensive.
According to Brendon Bolton, Carlton have improved this year. I would expect nothing else of a man who exudes more positivity than Tony Robbins.
Gold Coast’s culture could only get worse if they offered Jarryd Hayne a contract. At least the Suns can take comfort in the knowledge that they spent in excess of $5 million on a player who in recent years chose to lead from the sickbay instead of the front, ran away from the media, and is still probably hotfooting it back to Geelong.
To be fair to Gary Ablett Jr, homesickness is one of the reasons he wants to go back to the Cats and if a 33-year-old adult gets homesickness, running away from journalists like an immature child makes perfect sense.
The amount of praise being heaped on the wooden spooners of 2017 has seen a surge in my daily alcohol intake. The Brisbane Lions are bullish about their future and fair enough too, there is only one way to go from the bottom. On the downside though, being satisfied with uselessness is what got Melbourne and St Kilda to where they’ve been for the past 60 years.
I can’t imagine the same thing happening to the Lions though, as they may not be around in 60 years. And, if by chance they are still around, at least I won’t be.
Next, a harsh but fair appraisal of the finalists.
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