Michael Maguire shares his favourite recipes

Dane Eldridge Columnist

By , Dane Eldridge is a Roar Expert

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    G’day, this is hard-as-nails free agent Madge Maguire. I’m here to tell you about the exciting new book I penned using the spare time I had set aside for being employed.

    It’s a collection of my favourite recipes, and it’s ready just in time to scoop your disposable Christmas dollar!

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    Sure, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Food is for the mentally weak, why would Madge need it? This book is just a convenient outlet for the sizzling antagonism he now harbours towards Russell Crowe, and he’s going to use it to dump his rage because it is almost uncontainable.’

    But you would be wrong.

    Contrary to the truth, I’ve got no problem with South Sydney. Their decision to blindside me with an immediate termination was one mutually agreed. Why would I have an issue?

    If anything, being unceremoniously dumped in the gutter has been a positive.

    Frankly, running rugby league’s greatest club was getting in the way of my two true passions: performing stomach crunches until I vomit, and cooking.

    Check out a selection of my favourites below. Bon appetit!

    Michael Maguire smiles. What's he up to?

    Former South Sydney coach Michael Maguire (Photo: AAP)

    Grilled salmon
    I really like salmon. It does things the tough way. It swims against the current and never cracks under pressure and commits turnovers. If salmon didn’t pair so stunningly with a Beurre Blanc, I would’ve played one in place of Dave Tyrell.

    Classic chicken schnitzel
    Easy to make pub grub. You just need to tenderise the chicken first. Overwork it and overwork it and overwork it again until it is tired and lifeless and then lets you down. Serve with a side of ice chips.

    Le D’amien risotto
    Rice is so reliable and underrated. Yet, oddly, risotto remains uninspiring. I’m still unsure if I really enjoy this dish. Maybe try to liven it up with something Mediterranean on the side, preferably cheap and somewhat spicy.

    Burgess bratwurst
    Not a dish I’m familiar with, but the publisher insisted on it being included. Still confused; the Burgess boys aren’t German?

    Rich slow-cooked stew
    This is nourishing comfort food that will fill your house with heady aromas. For best results, use a protein that is brittle and sinewy, like goat shoulder or Adam Reynolds.

    Madge’s mixed grill
    If you’re like me and harbour a deep intolerance for feebleness, you’ll get a thrill out of roasting a large group of surrendered animals. Like I did when the team conceded 64 points with my job on the line.

    Fresh Caesar salad
    I love a simple Caesar salad. The recipe has never changed. It refuses to yield to trends. With a good Caesar, you can do the same thing over and over and over again and you’re always guaranteed a serviceable, unexceptional meal. For a predictable twist, try stale croutons!

    Braised game meat with side greens
    For an easy preparation, try one of the weaker game animals like pheasant, dove or anything Gen Y. Exception: Angus Crichton. He’s too bony.

    Shane Richardson pot pie
    No, this is not a cheap crack at the weight of the man who ended my dream. This is just comfort food at its finest, best prepared in a dish similar to Richo’s word: a crock.

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

    This crunching tackle is the most viewed Club Roar video of all time! It's in the running to win a share of $10,000.
    Watch the full video here