Selection advice? I’ll just pick me mates

Paul Potter Roar Guru

By , Paul Potter is a Roar Guru

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    People say the only cricket hat you should talk through is a baggy green, but they’re wrong.

    You can only talk through the hat you’re wearing at the time. Mine’s a Clarence cap. I’ll never forget the stirring address I received with it.

    “Here’s ya change, Pottsy”. Special stuff.

    With that in mind, I’d like to pick what I think would be the ideal team Australia could have to face England. Now, people think this series will be dominated by an express bowler who has suffered injury on too many occasions in the past, and they’re right.

    Riley Meredith, you’re in. Pat Cummins, you’re out.

    Wade, short for “Where are de enchiladas?”, Irvine is the natural replacement for the struggling Nathan Lyon. Not only were they teammates in Canberra, but Irvine works at Hobart Airport, thus saving Cricket Australia a cab fare.

    Lyon will become a subcontinental specialist, and can be spared the hard conditions of Australia. 32 off one over in the Justin Langer Tribute One-Day Cup was the straw that broke the camel’s back for poor old Garry.

    Nathan Lyon of Australia looks on

    (AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)

    Glenn Maxwell is more than a player for the hit and giggle game, he’s designed for the sit and Google era. However, Daniel Salpietro is also originally from Victoria and he actually left, as opposed to just talking about it. The swap speaks for itself.

    A swap that didn’t speak for itself was Tasmania’s decision to let Salpietro’s business partner, Jonathan Wells, go to Western Australia in exchange for nothing at all. However, since then, Wells has finished his quest for a maiden Shield ton and had a much shorter quest for his second century. Crucially, he also plays in the BBL. Matt Renshaw can’t compete with that.

    Mitchell Starc does play in the BBL. However, Sam Rainbird is the person who bought me my first drink of Midori. Starc can’t compete with that.

    Happily, Rainbird’s other state teammate will join him in the team. If Jackson Bird can miss out because of perceived batting weakness, so can Josh Hazlewood. Cameron Stevenson, you’re in.

    Australia has never won the World T20. Steve Smith is the captain of the team that the selectors think will change that, which is good considering that, since he has not played a single T20 international since the last World T20, he isn’t the captain of any other Australian T20 team.

    Ben Rohrer, on the other hand, is no longer in Australia’s T20 plans. The time is ripe for Rohrer to take Smith’s place in the Test team, so that Smith can devote all his energy to winning the one major trophy Australia has never won.

    David Warner will be another important player in Australia’s quest for T20 glory. In order to allow the Salpietro-Harry Allanby spin duo to flourish, he too will be relieved from the burden of Test match cricket. As an added bonus, Allanby is also a direct swap for the role of opening batsman.

    In another direct swap, Liam Devlin comes in for Usman Khawaja. You can never start looking at youth too young, and waiting much longer behind someone’s first rookie contract and Futures League match would be asking for trouble.

    Besides, Usman is a better writer than me, so he can take my job. Warning though: it doesn’t actually pay anything and as such is not actually a job.

    Peter Handscomb’s job involves fielding very well. Scott Kremerskothen’s job used to involve that too, and while I have not had any success in convincing him that he should play this season, surely he would answer his nation’s call?

    Also, if he plays, I can say I’ve had a Test bowler buy me a Deep Spring for losing a net challenge.

    Finally, the wicketkeeper. Matthew Wade… oh, he’s actually in the team.

    Well, whaddya know? The selectors might get an eleventh of the team right.