Cheika’s angelic interruption

Nick Turnbull Roar Guru

By , Nick Turnbull is a Roar Guru

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    Wallabies coach Michael Cheika puts head-to-pillow at the Sofitel on Friday night, several hours after he has held his final press conference before the third Bledisloe instalment at Brisbane’s Suncorp Stadium on Saturday night.

    As the affable yet formidable Randwick back rower fades off into slumber he recalls his answers to the journos.

    “No mate, we can’t change the past, this is one game at a time and I am not even thinking about Eddie Jones or England later this year.”

    “Good answer” Cheika affirms to himself as he drifts off into the night…..

    Several hours later he is awoken by the Rugby Gods Vice President of Communications, the Arch Angel Phil. Phil, a promising hooker with a body odor issue in his former mortal life puts it very bluntly to Cheik.

    “Mate, telegram from HQ. You’re allowed to beat New Zealand or England this year, but not both. So which one is it to be?”

    The angered Cheika, just about to demand an explanation wrapped in expletives sits up in bed, carefully removing the lukewarm sliced cucumbers from his eye lids masterfully missing the foundation on his face in the process.

    Phil interrupts and says, “Mate shut it or the big fella said you’ll get dusted by Scotland again.” Silence overcomes the room as Cheika considers his sides fate….

    “Phil, my boys have worked their backsides off this year and all but did the Darkness in Dunedin. I want them to taste victory over them even if Wonder Boy isn’t playing. It will mean something to the Australian rugby public and after all Brisbane is a great place to get on the sauce afterwards. Been to the Port Office lately? ”

    “So New Zealand it is then. I’ll let Eddie know,” quips Phil.

    At that moment Cheika thinks back to that grin Eddie Jones had on his face after embarrassing the Wallabies in an historic three-nil clean sweep in the 2016 domestic series.

    “No wait,” Cheika states in confused anguish and thinks to himself;

    “Doing England and Eddie over on home soil. Payback for Gallipoli, Bodyline, Singapore, the Safari Suit and John Farhnam all in one. I’ll be a national hero and they may even erect a small statue of me in a nondescript park in Coogee. Tempting….”

    “I can read your thoughts” says Phil, quietly filing his nails. “Shag would be happier with that arrangement also and he may even give you a tip for the Melbourne Cup? Who knows you might even end up mates?”

    “So you’re bugging my head Phil because the irony would not be lost on Shag?” Asks Cheik.

    “Shut up Cheik otherwise Folau will wake up with a bad hamstring. What’s it to be? England in England or the Darkness in Vegas?” Phil retorts.

    “You’re aware of The Roar aren’t you Phil?”

    “I am not a soccer man Michael. Those people have a special place in purgatory”

    “No, the sports opinion website. You know that one.”

    “I do. I do indeed. Sheek, Lordy, Brett and the lads. Indeed. Absolute jibber but always worth the read.”

    “I tell you what, I’ll go with what they reckon. I’ll put it to a rugby plebiscite.”

    “Plebiscite! Plebiscite, what is with you blokes and plebiscites?”

    “Yes but this one will be more binding than an Alec Evens trained front row and will deliver a result.”

    “Alright then. So be it.”

    So there it is fellow Roarers, what’s it to be the Wallabies win on Saturday, or do we save ourselves to do Eddie and the chaps at Twickers in November? Which victory is more important to Australian Rugby?

    Over to you…..

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