Christmas. The Superbowl. Your birthday. As far as annual events that you’re looking forward to go, they all pale in comparison to my Melbourne Cup fashion ratings.
Let’s get one thing straight: if there’s one thing on this earth that I don’t know anything about, it’s horse racing. And if there’s something I know even less about than that, it’s fashion.
If you don’t believe me, check out my Brownlow Medal and Dally M Medal red carpet fashion ratings for proof. They were written at home in my pyjamas, which are(n’t) the height of fashion.
For a weekday affair like this, I’m stepping it up with the snazziest office attire I own – that’s right, we’re talking t-shirt and jeans.
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I’m gonna make a few good-natured jokes along the way, but the truth is, people, you’re all beautiful. No hard feelings, OK? Let’s jump in.
(AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)The crown both looks imperial and would be remarkably effective in the event you need to headbutt somebody. 9/10.
(AAP Image/David Crosling)
Now that’s what I call fashion. Bam! 9/10.
(AAP Image/James Ross)
A tribute to poorly constructed UFOs everywhere. 7/10.
(AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)
I feel like a hat made of holes kind of defeats the purpose of a hat. 5/10.
(AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)
Yeah, that’s the face I make when I see most Melbourne Cup fashion too… 5/10.
(AAP Image/Dan Himbrechts)
Highly practical. If you forget what general category of event you’re at, all you need to do is look at the pattern on your clothes, and you’ll remember again! 7/10.
(AAP Image/James Ross)
Think of how many lorikeets died to make this hat. For shame. 6/10.
(AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy)
The face you make when someone gives you a new dress and it’s, like, this weird reverse-leopard-print thing? What? 6/10.
So this man made my coffee. Apparently he plays football… But he’ll make a great barista one day! Thanks, Christian! @melbournefc @Lavazza pic.twitter.com/0OXYLa1LkG
— Glynis Traill-Nash (@GlynisTN) November 7, 2017
Hmm. Is it just me, or does Christian Petracca look damn good in blue and white? Wink. 8/10.
But… it’s not Wednesday? 7/10.
I always approve of a pair of heels that it looks like you could stab someone with, and the rest of the outfit is unusually reasonable by the standard of the Melbourne Cup. 9/10.
(Photo by Daniel Pockett/Getty Images for the VRC)
Being able to see is for suckers. 5/10.
(Photo by Paul Rovere/Getty Images)
“Do I look like I’m made of money?” 8/10.
(Photo by Quinn Rooney/Getty Images)
Where exactly would one go about buying a red top hat and matching bowtie? Asking for a friend. 8/10.
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