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Yep Roarers, ’tis the season where the Wallabies, pouch packed with boots and all, hop it to the north for our Spring Tour against the old enemies. Oh, and those Northerners call it Autumn. We call it Spring. It’s on regardless.
Likewise, we Wallaby supporters will set alarm clocks to stir us awake for nocturnal viewing while alone (usually) in our sleepy abodes at an ungodly hour. That’s right, for four weekends this pattern is repeated ad nauseam. Sleep is for the weak.
And as we settle, comfy in our Italian designed, leather reclining armchairs, I am reminded of the ‘armchair’ word thingy. For, like most, we are just that, distant designer armchair supporters.
This Wallaby Spring Tour, with its tyranny of distance, affords us that. It is accepted. We automatically become armchair supporters. Critics. Critical supporters in designer armchairs. It is what we do, it is, after all, the hunting season… again.
I am also reminded of an old advertisement on television, here in Australia, where the father is driving his son to school, and when asked by son about the ‘Great Wall of China’ and, like, what was that all about, the father, hands ever tightening on the steering wheel, replied ‘it was to keep the Wabbits out’.
This comment, sadly, reflects what for most Wallaby armchair critics is their total knowledge of our Spring Tour. Basically, we haven’t got a clue as to what the enemy may be building to repel us Aussies.
Now, in fairness to this stated position, I am no different. I try to convince myself that I know what I’m talking about, but in reality, I have no idea what the Welsh, the Poms, or even those tight-fisted Scots have in store for us. Have they been busily building walls to keep the Wallabies out?
So, with this in mind, I thought it wise to have a butcher’s as to what the Wallabies are up against.
Japan
I love Japanese food. I also love the Japanese. They’re mad in the best possible way.
And, yes Charlie, the Brave Blossom can dine out on their famous 2015 victory over the Boks forever!
Surely a win here to the Wallabies!?!
Author’s note: At the time of writing, the Wallabies have now dined out on Japanese… job done. Now, only three more courses to go.
(Photo by Matt Roberts/Getty Images)
Wales
Some unkind people refer to Wales as the Wallabies’ bunnies, as it has been a while since poor old Wales has beaten Australia. Mind you, they’ve come close at times, but close is never good enough, eh? We Wallaby fans know all about coming close… damn All Blacks.
For me, as the Welsh team/squad contains only one Jones, so they’ve gotta be rubbish, right? Plus, there’s that Warren. The same Warren that was savaged by his own Lions. Yep, strike another one up for the Wallabies.
England
Geez, it even pains me to say the word, let alone write it. They say hate is a strong word, so I’ll go with that. Plus, the Poms have now got that little grinning Randwick type as their coach. More so, they even had the audacity to come down here recently, accept our hospitality, drink all our beer, and then sweep us out of our very own home!
How rude.
Suffice to say, it was a very rude awakening for the Wallabies and one that coach Cheika would be most keen to return serve at their place. Yep, Twickenham will be huge and the Wallabies must win. Please… they must, must win!
Scotland
I don’t want to talk about them. Or Murray Field. Or their Princess Anne. Just beat them.
There you go Roarers, that’s my expert take on this upcoming Spring Tour, or EOYT. And I’ll be damned if I’m calling it an Autumn Tour. You can keep that one ya northerners!
Thus, the hunt is now most definitely on against the Northern Hemisphere sides. So, let the Wallabies loose in their top paddock and hope they do the job.
Daffodils, Red Roses and lastly that prickly, thorny, annoying Thistle. I want a scorched earth policy employed here for all these three… and nothing less.
Your comments would be most welcomed.
C’arn the Wallabies.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.