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Watching Jelena Dokic being interviewed about the domestic violence she allegedly suffered distressed me.
What she said is so sadly true for so many survivors of domestic violence. Fear. Who will believe? Who will genuinely support them?
Most victims will be in fear until they or their perpetrators die. In Australia, a woman dies every three days.
Remembering as a child how different your world was to the one you know as an adult, who would you have known that you could’ve told a story of abuse to and been believed?
Hearing from other started-as-a-child tennis stars how small their circle of contact is, who could Jelena have turned to in her situation?
Mainstream media can be negative, reporters creating fearful community perceptions. Better the devil you know than the fear of the unknown.
‘Why didn’t you leave?’
I’m so sick of this question. It really needs to be turned on the inquisitioner. Why didn’t you help me leave?
When you celebrate your next Big Mac tax cut and the ‘fiscally’ conservative treasurer gives you a budget surplus, remember this.
One organisation welcomed all domestic violence survivors (men, women, children, hetero, LGBTI) with open arms, assessed your housing and work situation, and organised the support and items to find your new normal.
The infamous 2014 budget meant cuts to this, and many other efficiently, supportive organisations. This organisation is now only able to guide you to services who can provide counselling.
And finding somewhere to go is expensive.
The enormous inflation in the housing and rental markets is probably forcing many to stay in abusive situations.
If one in ten Australian women experience domestic violence, this means that, on average at least, in every AFL team there are two players whose mum has had this experience.
Sport was one of the many factors that helped to end apartheid in South Africa. What is wrong with using sport to reduce, and even prevent, domestic violence in Australia?
Here’s my ‘Man on the Moon’ moment to achieving this aim through actions, not words.
First, we need to acknowledge that it can happen in all socio-economic, religious, and non-religious environments. No more rubbish that it doesn’t happen in rich white suburbs. No more that it’s only ice addict, housing commission tenants on welfare.
Next, we need to acknowledge that a lot of racism, harassment, bullying and domestic violence starts with a person experiencing a problem or issue that they will not admit to.
Many victims will suffer financial domestic violence and will need the assistance of a financial counsellor. Not all victims will suffer a black eye.
The process to assist a domestic violence survivor to escape from their perpetrator is not the same for everyone. The support required afterwards will vary as our coping mechanisms vary from person to person – even within the same family.
November 25 was White Ribbon Day. The organisation has received criticism for progressively wanting to assist perpetrators to reform.
Speaking as a survivor, if we shun perpetrators rather than reform, the one in ten Australian women statistic means we will be ostracising a lot of men to live in the desert.
I don’t claim to be an expert on solving the problem. This article is not long enough to begin.
I would like to put forward a suggestion for discussion in each sporting organisation, club, group and team, to plan how they’ll react when confronted with domestic violence and to help any implicated parties reach a point afterwards that makes them valuable members of the community.
Does your club have such a policy? Are people in the club aware of it? If you had reason to believe that someone at your club was a victim of domestic violence, what would you do? What if you believed someone at your club was a perpetrator?
You may be the only person who could make a difference.
If you or someone you know has any concerns surrounding domestic violence, please call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 978 (men) or Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. Alternately, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.
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