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I used to enjoy the IPL. That’s right, I used to. It is not so hard to admit now as a 17-year-old Test tragic, but we all made mistakes when we were younger.
That was before last summer when I joined a touring team from the UAE for a week-long academy in the UK. Curiously, I was one of two white people at the academy.
This led to me earning the not-so-affectionate nickname of ‘Whitey’ purely because I was pastier than the Greek bloke who joined us.
I was somewhat relieved to have shaken the nickname of ‘Glenn’ and/or ‘Big Show’ purely due to my somewhat unfortunate name of Maxwell. Granted, they had increased their creativity levels.
In the afternoon of the first day, I was eating lunch and in my very limited Arabic kept hearing the words ‘IPL’ ‘IPL’ ‘IPL’. I sat there with a confused look on my chubby mug until someone said ‘You okay Whitey?’
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I responded with a muffled ‘Yeah I’m just trying to understand what the hell is going on.’ A kind, acne-ridden 15-year-old then informed me that an IPL player from Royal Challengers Bangalore would be coming to train with us.
I later found out he was there to lose weight, not only to train with 15-year-olds named Whitey who also needed to lose a few kilos.
Being the nervous little five-foot-nothing, pasty Australian I knew little about the bloke who rocked up in a full Royal Challengers Bangalore kit. So I did a sly Google under the table and found out he had captained India at the under-19s level.
I figure we would have something in common considering we have both captained international cricket (Slovenia U-13 and U-15s, not to brag).
I also saw the big names he played with, including the likes of Virat Kohli, Mitchell Starc, Chris Gayle, AB de Villiers and my favourite player, the highly underrated South Australian captain Travis Head.
Everyone loves a little bit of Travis (AAP Image/David Mariuz)
After being bowled out for a golden duck by a kid eight years my junior and a quick late night dip in the pool, I was feeling defeated in many senses. I decided to try and hang with the cool crowd, namely Mr IPL, his brother, as well as some of the tall quicks.
I had slyly dropped that I had, in fact, lived in Bangalore as a kid. Naturally, they responded in Kannada, I responded with silence and topped it up with saying I lived in Ahmedabad, Gujarat when I was a baby.
This somehow allowed me into the elusive group. Whitey was now not so white anymore, but still pretty white.
As we were walking back to the grammar college we were staying at, Mr IPL bluntly asked me who my favourite player was. I quickly replied ‘Travis Head’, made easier since I was in my Redbacks attire.
As soon as I said Travis, one of my you-could-kind-of-call-a-mate mates motioned a throat-slitting sign telling me to shut up. Being an advocate of free speech, I continued in defiance only to be asked ‘Who?’ by Mr IPL.
In expert linguistic fashion, I rolled my r in Travis and put a hard D in Head to add a subcontinental flare to try and explain.
Still nothing from Mr IPL. I figured okay, that’s weird he doesn’t know considering they play on the same team.
Travis was by no means a household name in Australia let alone India, so I figured no biggie and changed my answer to Mitchell Starc.
Still nothing. Surely he must know of the best bowler in the world? Apparently not. He asked me what sponsor he has so he can try and put a face to the name. I had no clue but somehow one of my ‘mates’ did. He immediately remembered and blurted out. ‘Oh yah, Mitchell Starc, very beautiful wife.”
It was in that moment I stopped enjoying the IPL. As a naive child, I thought that they played as a team and all had the passion to win and to succeed for their club, as those are the values and reasons I was playing cricket for. As is turns out, they are just in it for the money and don’t even know their teammates’ names.
I also would have thought that a Indian domestic cricketer would be a little more starstruck and proud to represent his town (although turns out he wasn’t originally from Bangalore) but no.
Oh well, At least I still have the PSL.
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