Algorithm now required to determine Australia’s strongest T20 side: Scientists

Dane Eldridge Columnist

By Dane Eldridge, Dane Eldridge is a Roar Expert

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    With the team a perennial potpourri of availables after a decade-long experimental phase, scientists now believe Australia’s best T20 team can only be determined by algorithm.

    In a white paper titled ‘Remedying Australia’s history of not giving a shit about T20’, research has revealed years of slipshod strategy and a devil-may-care attitude has cultivated a bloated and bastardised core of players that can only be profitably streamlined using maths.

    The report recommends that for Australia to emerge as a force in the upcoming World Cup, a team of researchers is required to mine the data from their limitless flux to unlock a calculus on who should take the newie.

    This would also involve forensic examination of selectors’ behaviours, plus wading through the ocean of blokes back to Travis Birt who were “thrown in for a look” after a single cameo of 42 (26).

    By adopting the recommendations of a sound algebraic formula for the 1000+ selection pool, the report guarantees it would not only stabilise the seventh-ranked side, but also promise them “pumping 10’s at the death.”

    Conversely, should Australia choose to continue with their current strategy, they risk nosediving to depths where they could possibly know less about T20 cricket than the Channel Nine commentary team.

    While the silver bullet of a complex arithmetic strategy compiled by world-leading brains could seem too easy to be true, the research does acknowledge there could be initial teething issues.

    An effective algorithm for Australian selection would need to smoothly incorporate the Steve Smith element- who has seen 15 new slower balls come and go since he last played for Australia- and other factors like Chris Lynn’s one arm and Glenn Maxwell’s zero support.

    Glenn Maxwell Sad

    (AP Photo/Jon Super)

    Researchers will also need to exercise care if borrowing from aspects of Facebook’s algorithm- which can predict when users will pick a nose- as this will require wading in to the murkiness of selectors’ likes and dislikes, friends and susceptibility to marketing.

    Initial testing revealed some formulas capable of settling on a pool of 345 openers, before struggling with the swathe of allrounders data.

    Bug errors of ‘404.is-watto-still-available.exe’ were persistent, before the algorithm would miscarry to recommend a line-up entirely of Adam Zampas and his 11 different haircuts.

    While Cricket Australia are encouraged by the recommendations, it is not believe they will be adopted anytime soon.

    Following two wins at home in a tournament with low exposure, they believe Australia is already back on track to meet its usual T20 World Cup KPI of a quarter final bombout.

    Dane Eldridge
    Dane Eldridge

    Dane was named best and fairest in the 2004 Bathurst mixed indoor cricket competition. With nothing in the game left to achieve, he immediately retired at his peak to a reclusive life ensconced in the velvet of organised contests. Catch the man on Twitter @eld2_0.

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    The Crowd Says (18)

    • February 10th 2018 @ 4:49am
      Mitch said | February 10th 2018 @ 4:49am | ! Report

      Strongest T20 team

      Khawaja
      Short
      Lynn
      Maxwell
      Warner
      Carey
      Agar
      Nair(if cleared to bowl)
      Starc
      Tye
      Stanlake

      S

      • February 10th 2018 @ 9:27am
        Adam eels2018 said | February 10th 2018 @ 9:27am | ! Report

        That team is really weak.

      • February 10th 2018 @ 12:04pm
        Simon said | February 10th 2018 @ 12:04pm | ! Report

        I like it, it’s hard to leave Stoin out though and Finch as well

      • February 10th 2018 @ 4:17pm
        Jack Russell said | February 10th 2018 @ 4:17pm | ! Report

        Nair? The guy from the Thunder?

        Shouldn’t even be in our 3rd XI.

        • February 10th 2018 @ 9:43pm
          Mitch said | February 10th 2018 @ 9:43pm | ! Report

          Was one of the top wicket takers before he went under investigation and has a batting strike rate of 133 what is so bad about this guy?

          • February 11th 2018 @ 2:34pm
            Jack Russell said | February 11th 2018 @ 2:34pm | ! Report

            He’s not bad, just not national team good.

    • February 10th 2018 @ 8:08am
      Bazza said | February 10th 2018 @ 8:08am | ! Report

      Gotta love the is watto still available.

    • February 10th 2018 @ 9:37am
      Paul said | February 10th 2018 @ 9:37am | ! Report

      I often think an under 11 side has more insight into T20’s judging by some of the comments these highly paid Channel 9 “experts” come up with.

      Dane, any chance you could team up with a selector to write an expose on how they make decisions? Would be an amusing best seller for sure.

      • February 11th 2018 @ 1:14am
        Reg said | February 11th 2018 @ 1:14am | ! Report

        I’m hoping 9 gets BBL. After all its the home of cricket, its a shame that JB is no longer there! Nothing better than the 9 commentary team!

    • February 10th 2018 @ 11:12am
      GD66 said | February 10th 2018 @ 11:12am | ! Report

      Working beautifully, Dane. There was quite a bit of head-shaking during Wednesday night’s commentary. The deficiencies of the ch 9 coverage illustrate what a capable job Ten have done with the BBL….apart from their seemingly-endless use of Fleming : wish he’d enter the corridor of STFU….

    • February 10th 2018 @ 11:36am
      Bill said | February 10th 2018 @ 11:36am | ! Report

      Dane,

      You are a very unattractive man.

    • February 10th 2018 @ 12:06pm
      David said | February 10th 2018 @ 12:06pm | ! Report

      I think CA already adopted this program for the test selection prior to the Ashes. Fortunately, it worked ok but the selectors had trouble coming with an explanation of the Shaun Marsh selection – it appears now that it was a sticky button on their computer. This same button has been giving them trouble for years and perhaps it is time for a new computer or at least a new keyboard to prevent S Marsh from lining up for Australia forever (hamstring permitting).
      PS Bill, not sure about you – I’ve never met a man who was attractive!!

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