Australia’s coaching staff have instructed an out-of-sorts David Warner to “get back to basics” and “show more aggression” – and maybe score some runs, too.
Pressure has mounted on the vice-captain following his lean run with the bat, with teammates on their fifth consecutive week of excessively highlighting how excellent his fielding has been.
However, team hierarchy is confident he can turn the corner by simply “rekindling his old attacking instincts”.
Deep technical analysis has confirmed Warner has merely bogged himself down by showing too much respect to the bowlers – and the batsmen, fielders, umpires, seagulls, equipment, everything really.
Further investigation then revealed his two-month lean patch has coincided with a decision five years ago to swap his ‘Bull’ persona for the more palatable but less prolific ‘Reverend’ image.
For this reason, coaching staff are encouraging the opener to “back himself” and be a bigger a-hole.
Photo: AAP
In an attempt to firstly rediscover his all-important ‘triggers’, Warner has been placed on a modified hubris diet with the plan to hit Sam Newman-levels in time for New Zealand tonight.
While already residing in the eastern suburbs, the veteran will further boost his repugnance by replacing his bibles and June Dally-Watkins manuals with Ozzy Osbourne tomes, or something less brainy.
One insider highlighted the importance of Warner going into verbal relapse, especially in a non-contact sport full of cynical bravado.
“Blokes like Dave, their value to the team can’t be measured in runs and wickets. It’s more like match fines,” the insider said.
“We believe that with a good start and a bit of luck, an hour of trolling and he’ll be away.”
A fired-up Warner has privately promised to attack the game in the field and with the bat, firstly by being a pain in the ring, then by arguing with his opening partner before taking guard with his megaphone.
He has also been working hard on withdrawing in the delivery stride to move the sight screen, plus offered his services as a medium pace exponent just for the opportunity of a Mankad.
However, Warner stopped short of pledging a return to hyper-acerbic episodes of yesteryear, just like the time “I told Rohit Sharma to speak English – which I regret, even though he should’ve.”
While the option of a much-needed rest was also proposed, coaches believe this idiotically-masculine strategy will see him arrive in South Africa at peak fitness, which is reportedly around 95 words per minute.
RCB have suffered a massive HEAD-ACHE after Travis Head smashed the fastest century by an SRH player in just 39 balls, as they amassed…
A brutal century by Travis Head has blasted Sunrisers Hyderabad back into the Indian Premier League play-off places in another match for bowlers to…
The Indian veteran came to the crease inside the final over before casually despatching three balls over the rope to get Chennai over the…
With only two wickets in four games leading into the game, the Aussie paceman finished with 3/28 as his Knight Riders recorded an eight-wicket…
The bowler conceded that the ball never touched his hand - but it seemed like the on-field umpire didn't believe him.
There was no communication between the Rajasthan players until they let their frustration out at each other when the ball went to ground.
