When the England rugby team run out at Twickenham on Saturday afternoon, they do so bearing the colours of the patron saint of England, St George. Born George of Anici, to a noble farming family, he was so named because George meant “worker of the land”.
These days his brawny descendants in the England pack plough up the turf with their boots in tribute.
St George once killed a dragon, and if you ask a native Englisher to recount the story, they’ll do so in a charming dialect. My cockney is limited to the alphabet (a-for-‘orses, b-for-chicken, c-for-yerself, and so on), but I have attempted to reproduce the story of St George in cockney to give you an idea.
Ahem.
“Ere’s the Daily Mail. Once a dragon made ‘is uncle-ned at the edge of a shake-and-shiver near the city of Silene in Libya, and settled down for a bo-peep. The townspeople ‘ad to dislodge the bandwagon from ‘is uncle-ned each day in order to collect half-and-a-quarter.
So each day they offer the bandwagon a weasel-and-stoat, and if they can’t find no weasel-and-stoat, then a twist-an-twirl ‘as to go instead of the weasel-and-stoat.
“They choose the twist-an-twirl by drawin’ straws, an’ one day, this ‘appens to be the king’s bricks-and-mortar. The ring-a-ding-ding begs for ‘er life wiv no result. She gets served up to the bandwagon, but the saint appears on his bottle-o-sauce with a big sword across ‘is fleetwood-mac. He airs-and-graces the bandwagon an’ protects himself with the sign of the cross.
Then ‘e whacks it one on the errol-flynn, kills it brown bread and rescues the tutti-frutti. Bright an breezy.”
Or something like that.
So it’s easy to see why the British have adopted him as their patron saint.
St George was born in Palestine, allegedly killed a dragon in Libya, joined the army in Rome, was martyred on the shores of the Black Sea and entombed in his birthplace of Palestine, so um yeah.
As folk singer Billy Bragg so aptly put it. “St George was born in the Lebanon, how he got here I don’t know.”
Interestingly, St George is not only the patron saint of England, but also the patron saint of Lithuania, Malta, Portugal and … wait for it … Germany.
Don’t mention the war.
As for being the patron saint of skin and syphilitic diseases, the less said the better, although certain England players from the 2008 New Zealand tour may be glad of the added protection.
St George was also responsible for one of Australia’s greatest moments in Test rugby in the UK in 1984 when the Aussies won a Grand Slam by defeating all four Home nations.
I’m referring now, of course, not the venerable dragon-slicer, but to the mighty rugby league club from Kogarah in Sydney’s south. Not too many people know that the move Mark Ella called to put himself over against England at Twickenham, was actually a move that the Wallabies had borrowed from the mighty St George league team and dubbed “Leaguie.”
With the score at 3-all in London on November 3, 1984, Mark Ella called “Leaguie,” as a scrum packed close to the English line. Ella passed to Lynagh and looped, before noticing that the defence had moved up quickly. Upon receiving the ball again, he dummied to Gould who would normally have received the ball, and went behind the defence under the posts.
Ella said after the match, “The Pommy papers screamed blue murder and alleged that the move was obstruction. Cheating they called it. I never called that move again on the whole tour. It worked when we most needed it, and that was enough.”
Ella retired after the Grand Slam, and was almost lured to rugby league, by a massive offer from a Sydney club which would have made him the richest player in league, earning more than Australian captain Wally Lewis.
Which club? St George, of course.
This weekend, the George theme continues.
Australia’s own Patron Saint of the Openside, George Smith, becomes the second-most-capped-Wallaby-against-England behind another legendary George, George Gregan. Gregan faced England 16 times in his career, and George Smith will take his tally to 11 with his return to the starting lineup this weekend.
No other Wallaby has played England more times than the two Georges.
Unfortunately for Gregan, his otherwise stellar career was an unhappy one against England. His first Test against England was the quarter-final loss in the 1995 World Cup. His final Test, both against England and for Australia, was the quarter final loss in RWC 2007.
He was also captain of the Wallabies when they lost to England in the RWC final in 2003, although he did exact some small measure of retribution when he captained the Wallabies to a 51-15 win over the English in Brisbane in 2004.
Smith’s career against England would hardly afford him many better memories than Gregan, although he would take comfort in the fact that the England players would definitely prefer he wasn’t there.
His first Test against England was the 22-19 loss at Twickenham in 2000, when Dan Luger scored in the 8th minute of injury time to win the match. The news didn’t get any better for Smith in 2001 and 2002, losing both matches at Twickenham – 21-15 and then a heartbreaking 32-31 result, despite Smith putting Wendell Sailor over after a delightful chip and chase.
In 2003, Smith continued to finish up on the wrong side of the ledger, losing in Melbourne 25-14 and then again in the World Cup final 20-17.
In fact, it wasn’t until Smith had been in the Test side for nearly 5 years that he tasted success against the English in Brisbane 2004 under his captain Gregan.
But this time he is at the height of his powers, having been a standout performer in almost every Test he has played for the last 3 years. His flick-along to Drew Mitchell for a Wallaby try in Hong Kong showed that his skills are as good as most elite backs. His work and intuition on the ball have rarely been better, and his weight is perfect, now that the ghastly Smith-as-number-8 experiment has faded into distant memory.
He has around him a resurgent pack, led by the most unlikely of candidates in Al Baxter. Baxter and Smith have been touring together since 2003 and are leading a forward pack intent on rewriting recent history. They would take heart from the words of another George (Bernard Shaw) who said, “We learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.”
Quite true, and in any case there is not much to see in the recent past against England.
George Burns got it right.
“Look to the future,” he said. “That’s where you’ll spend most of your time.”
Sam Fitzgerald
Guest
MYO are doing their bit for Movember! http://bit.ly/4Fh9b1
Sluggy
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"What do the Kiwi and the Aussie crowds sing? The Maoris Farewell and I Like Aeroplane Jelly." Surely 'Happy little vegemites' would be preferable?
Benjamin
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double check that... sorry, watching a film. Bellini for Italy, I'm not sure that's immediately clear in the above threads.
Benjamin
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check that... Bellini, not Bellinin. I'm not sure how far the Parisian sense of irony stretches. It would be very postmodern though.
Benjamin
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Id rather like to see the Parisian crowds sing Les Champes Elysees. Not as cool as Bellinin but it would be nice to hear that on an autumnal evening.
Urbanonic
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ANDREW - we all know you're a movie fan, and as a sports writer, you'll probably recall Jerusalem being used in two movies in which sports played a huge part - The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, and Chariots of Fire. It's a great hymn, but then they don't make lyricist like Blake anymore. I only wish he'd designed the England team's jerseys. I think you've hit on something re.anthems, patriotic songs etc: if people at home internationals were charged with singing a great work written by one of their compariots, it would do wonders for rugby's image. For example, Wales could sing something from Under Milk Wood, Ireland could trot out Molly's Lament from Ulysses, Scotland a rollicking shanty from Treasure Island, Italy Nessun Dorma, and France Non je ne Regrette Rien. What do the Kiwi and the Aussie crowds sing? The Maoris Farewell and I Like Aeroplane Jelly.
OldManEmu
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Wait a second, wait a second. I know I'm a bit low blow (keeping the cockney theme going till its brown bread) but I have jut read the English team for tonight, and there he is Michale Lipman - born in England but certainly bred and schooled and Rugby educated in Australia, and another product of the famous St Jospehs College Hunters Hill. Pretty good club player, might have got a Super 14 contract if he had stayed around. I know he got a few minutes off the bench a few years ago in Brisbane, but is this his first starting test against Australia at twickenham? If it is this is a bit of an under the radar story. Good luck to him, I hope he goes well tonight.
Benjamin
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Leftarmspinner, would you care to explain how Cipriani has floundered?
Rowdy
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Good stuff, Andrew. Unfortunately for us St Georgians, I suspect Aus will win, with Smith being the difference.
Sluggy
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"Interestingly, St George is not only the patron saint of England, but also the patron saint of Lithuania, Malta, Portugal and … wait for it … Germany." I've almost recovered from reading that, but only almost. Who else thinks the Poms are foxing in the press this week?
OldManEmu
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Great article Logie.
Gerbs
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Sheek, to call Rob Andrew dour simply shows you never saw him play club Rugby. Watching him in 1993 proved the class he was, unfortunately this never transferred to his England days. Was this the management and the style of English Rugby? I think so. Sadly the international community did not get to see what he was capable of.
jam
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Hilarious Ben C! It would end up like that ten pin bowling movie with Woody Harrellson and Bill Murray where they both have combovers that unfurl when they bowl. (BTW does anyone remember the name of that movie?) The sight of Nathan Sharpe with a combover sounds pretty scary in a bad way. Melon, I agree with the shaved heads and handlebars but would add that they should all go on a float at the next Mardi Gras looking like that. How's that for an incentive to win?!
Ben C
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Melon Shaved heads if they lose except those already with shaved heads (Mortlock, Brown etc) have to grow a comb-over.
Bring Back Melon
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Thanks Ben C. As someone who is sporting a handlebar moustache this very second (as part of Movember) I 100% agree. It should be added incentive: Shaved heads and handlebar moustache for the whole team if they lose. Mortlock would be in. Sorry - one too many drinks at lunch today. Good luck to all players. Let's have a cracker. Game on! Let's hope some forwards stand up so I can stop calling myself BBM.
sheek
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Leftie, There was another running flyhalf in English rugby just before the dour Rob Andrew won his battle with the more adventurous Barnesy. Les Cusworth, he of the spindly frame, bald head, but what a mighty player. Of course, it's a myth England have never been attracted to running rugby. Arguably their greatets flyhalf, for those willing to delve into history, might have been Dave Davies, who graced the Rose's #10 either side of WW1. Apparently Davies liked to give the ball as often as possible to flying winger, tryscoring machine & War flying ace Kit Lowe. Lowe did it all long before Underwood came onto the scene - RAF pilot & tryscoring winger, that is. It was also Lowe who predicted a great future for Mark Ella when he was part of the Aussie schoolboys in Britain back in 1977-78.
LeftArmSpinner
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Here's an irony. If this Cipriani is as good as he is said to be, the English might become more interested in running rugby and ELV's. nothing like self interest. Of course, Cipriani is not the first ball running fly half or back to attempt to run england ball and yet flounder in the England set up, Barnes or the silky Guscott.
Mart
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Andrew - fair point, the Welsh and Poms do like a tune or two. Jerusalem is a sensational hymn, the words and music very inspiring. Nowt beats the Welsh signing at the old Arms Park though. The Aussies have got better at signing since the lst Lions tour here in my opinion - not sure why, maybe got taught some songs and how to bellow at top voice whilst also consuming ale ?
Mart
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Brilliant new mockney Andrew ! My personal fave is "bubble and squeek" (that wonderful Pommy delicacy) for Greek, hence George Michael being known as 'the Bubble with the stubble' (amongst other things....). Looking forward to Sat as there are so many variables that it will be hard to call (better Eng backs but no experience, better Aus scrum and weker Eng one, new coaching setup for Eng, Aus backs injuries etc) but I suspect Aus will get up. Who' have adam and eve'd that eh ? One nit in the posting above - Pom fans have long sung Swing Low, it's just the blasted worldwide trnd of stadium jocks / unions or whoever that seem to thing that "moving with the times" means playing nationalistic music at every possible oppotunity (even during the bloody game). Every instance of this is dreadful but my personal bete noire is parading Williamsom around the pitch singing Waltzing Matilda before Wallby home games. Please evrybody - enough already !
Andrew Logan
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Urbanonic - you're right about the English having so much quality to choose from. There is little to compare with a Twickenham crowd singing "Jerusalem" (And did those feet in ancient time, walk upon Englands mountains green...). It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, it compares with Land Of My Fathers for tear jerking. I have been known to wheel it out in the bar after several Jamesons and plenty of rugby blather - it just feels good to sing it. Australians have very little to work with in this respect, so it is not surprising that we don't really sing as a crowd. On a comedic note, one of the better efforts I have heard is from former NSW coach Dick Laffan, who does a wonderful rendition of Barry Humphries' classic "(I chundered in) The Old Pacific Sea". After much badgering, he wheeled it out at a Hawkesbury Ag College rugby lunch I was at a few years ago, and it brought the house down. I also used to play Tens with a side which included several players from overseas including a former Wales Universities centre called Nick Jackson. Every year after a tournament we would hassle him to sing something in Welsh, and it was always sensational. The Welsh and English just know how to sing - unfortunately for us.