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In an era where we see so many rugby league players looking like they have freshly swallowed a pregnant, lactating water buffalo, I find it refreshing to see a player begin their transition back to normal mortal before their career has even ended.
I am, of course, alluding to the weight loss of Mark Gasnier.
Gaz has decided to opt for the Jenny Craig route early, and I am here to declare that the NRL needs more of it.
I have grown weary of watching musclebound gargantuans rebounding off each other like personified water mattresses. We need to get a little more bone action back into the game.
Modern rugby league players need to model themselves on the great Brett Hodgson, the only man to successfully compete in NRL weighing a meagre 65kg.
He was all skin and bones and we loved it!
I am sure when Brett turned up to training, he recoiled at the vulgar thought of lifting dumbbells for three hours followed by the glutenous consumption of 38 Vitabrit biscuits with lashes of powdered steroid on top.
I’m sure he was simply happy just to have a bit of a kick around and nibble on a few TicTacs. I mean, sure there were times when we feared for Brett’s life. For instance, when he charged back a kick-return at full speed only for Rubin Wiki to hit him with such force we could hear Hodgson’s clavicles rattle.
But that’s all good stuff!
Gasnier should be proud of his new anorexic look. Furthermore, so should the rugby league public. He should be paraded on the cover of Rugby League Week along with the caption “Mark Lankier”.
The Dragons should sell only middy sized light beer at home games to honour the great man.
I call on all NRL players to follow in Gasnier’s now emaciated footsteps. Lose a few kilos and show us all that you still have a neck.
Prove to us that you are more than just a collection of hardened muscles tissue, congealed together, and given eyes to make you life-like. Let’s see a little more ribcage, and get back the big hits that prove there is nothing more manly than snapping your sternum on another player’s scapula.
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It might have been that simple all along. As much as the structures, coaching and roster come under pressure at the Roosters, the solution…
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