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Now that Michael Beer has finally been capped, we might see an end to the wild ‘punnery’ that has occurred since the left arm spinner was mooted as an Ashes option by the great Shane Warne.
Beer has joined the growing line of spinners who have worn the Baggy Green cap since the retirement of Warne.
Despite his solid workmanlike performance in the losing SCG Test, it is possible that he will join Beau Casson and Bryce McGain on the one Test wonders list, given the shifting fortunes of our spinners in recent times and the fact that our next five-day contest is scheduled for eight months time.
Whether he plays one Test or many, one thing is for certain, we will certainly remember Beer, if only for his last name.
For about a month now Australian and English journalists, sub editors, professional bloggers and forum users have been indulging in a drunken orgy of punnery. A quick look online sees some witty and not so witty beer puns worked into headlines.
Experienced writer Malcolm Conn’s piece in Monday’s The Australian was titled: ‘Well fermented Beer can torment England on wearing pitch.”
Prior to the Fourth Test, Fairfax’s Jesse Hogan had a piece headlined: “Victorian Beer could be flavour of the month at the MCG.”
I bet given the headline to that piece, there were many Victorians who might well have been ‘bitter’ when they rocked up to the MCG on Boxing Day and found that Beer was again ‘off the menu’ (a headline that was used for an article following the spinner’s non-selection in the Third Test in Perth).
Meanwhile, on December 19, West Australian coach Mickey Arthur was quoted by ABC on its Grandstand Sport website, following a Sheffield Shield match in which Beer only bowled 11 overs: “I feel really sorry for Michael Beer because he had an opportunity to come in, if our batters had possibly given him more runs, to get a really good outing before Boxing Day,” he said.
“I wouldn’t look too much into Michael’s performances simply because he didn’t have any runs to play with.”
While it was typically dry cricket commentary from the coach, Arthur’s thoughts gave the usually more restrained ABC the chance to use the following ripper as its headline: “Don’t overlook flat Beer, Arthur urges.”
The well-known ABC radio commentator Kerry O’Keefe could not resist either, however he spent a bit more time working on his gag, doing some research to find out if there had ever been a Beer and a Fagg involved in the same match. The answer? Yes.
Beer, in fact, played for the Victorian Second XI in early 2008 in a team featuring Johnathon Fagg.
Given the era in which O’Keefe played, ‘Skull’ was highly pleased that a beer and a ‘fag’ (cigarette) could still be enjoyed at the higher levels of cricket.
Some other beverage inspired headlines (and the miscreants involved) include: “Warney’s Beery-eyed advice for selectors” (The Daily Telegraph); “It’s not simply Beer money” (The Herald Sun); “Australian selectors could rue decision to avoid Beer on Boxing Day” (The Sydney Morning Herald); “Australia scrape the barrel to find Beer” (The Guardian).
Credit must also go to the English supporter who placed the quip, “Tremlett downs Beer to win Ashes” at the conclusion of today’s Test match. At least that had some timeliness.
However, my personal favourite is the headline for English newspaper The Independent, in which Stephen Brenkley’s piece was titled: “Anxious Aussies left crying in their Beer.”
It’s true, we have been crying into our beers this summer as the 24-year home soil Ashes winning streak has come to a crunching end with inept selection, poor batting, wayward bowling and headline writers who are clearly plumbing the depths for headlines.
Given this predilection for punnery, I’m amazed no one has been clever enough to notice that the Australian selectors showed a more earthy taste by picking Beer ahead of Bollinger for the Fifth Test in Sydney.
Now if only our Baggy Green professionals could play some champagne cricket…
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