Australian Michael Beer fields on the boundary during play on day 2 in the Fifth Ashes Test. AAP Image/Paul Miller
In recent times you may have noticed the predilection for punnery based on the name of the latest addition to the Baggy Green honour roll, Michael Beer.
A fellow poster suggested that in line with that, it might be a good idea to pick a team based on beverages. So, here is a team, which I’ve dubbed the Thirsty Fielders.
As with any teams selected around a theme, it can often be hard to pick a balanced line-up, and I reserve the right to use poetic license.
Let’s raise a drink to the Thirsty Fielders:
Opening the batting is Reg Duff.
Unless you are a seasoned cricket follower, you might ask, Reg who? Duff earns his spot in the side as he shares the name of Homer Simpson’s favourite drop, Duff beer. The right-hand batsman scored a hundred on debut, batting at number 10, and was promptly moved to the top of the order in his next Test.
He is joined in facing the new ball by David Boon, the Tasmanian legend who earns a spot in the side due to being known as the ‘Keg on Legs’.
But it is his well known drinking record of knocking over 52 tinnies on the flight to England for the 1989 Ashes that actually gets him the nod. He was also the face of VB at one point, with the beer company producing a ‘Talking Boony’ doll.
The batteries have run out in mine, so sadly I can’t recall any of the witty sayings the great man’s likeness sprouted.
After all of that writing, I feel like a Tooheys and New South Wales batsman Peter ‘Rats’ Toohey fits the bill. Toohey received his chance when the world’s best cricketers took part in World Series Cricket. A stubborn batsman with an awkward style, Toohey, unlike many of the other replacement players, kept his spot in the national side upon the return of the top players.
Peter Burge earns his spot as he shares his surname with the winemaker Grant Burge, who is a major supporter of South Australian cricket and whose son, Trent, has been a Redbacks squad member. Burge’s batting record is also quite handy, scoring four centuries. Later in life he became a match referee.
Whenever you head to an outdoor event, whether it be a concert or sport, the best place to strike up a conversation while enjoying a brew is where?
If you said the booth, you were spot on and that is how former Australian skipper Brian Booth finds a spot in this team. Booth had a top score of 169 and averaged over 40 in his 29 Tests. He was also a handy medium pace bowler and represented Australia in hockey at the 1956 Olympics.
Taking the number six role and his spot behind the stumps is Bransby Cooper, who played in the very first Test way back in 1877. Cooper didn’t take the gloves in that Test (that honour went to the ‘Prince’ Jack Blackham) but in this discussion, the name Cooper cannot be overlooked.
A Cooper, by profession, makes the big kegs in which wine and beer can be stored. A handy fellow to have in any Thirsty Fielders outfit. He also shares the last name of that great South Australian brewing family that produces a wonderful Pale Ale which, incidentally, is topped by a green cap.
The tail in the Thirsty Fielders team is fairly lengthy. Opening the bowling is Max Walker, who was no mug with the bat, although not considered an allrounder, and he has been drafted (or should that be draughted) into this line-up due his bowling skills being more useful than the useful mediums of his little mate Dougie Walters. Walker, along with Walters, appeared in the famous ‘I feel like a Toohey’s’ advertisements from the early 1980s.
When I was a kid, I had a poster from the advertising campaign signed by the pair. I wish I still had it.
Next in the batting line-up is Michael Beer, the man whose name inspired this team.
If you have a nice stock of beer or wine, you need somewhere to store it and this gives one Test wonder Rex Sellers his spot in the team. A googly bowler, Sellers made his sole Baggy Green appearance in India in 1964/65 and became a respected administrator.
Joining Walker as the opening bowler is current day advertising agency favourite (for this season at least) Doug Bollinger, who shares his name with some high-class champagne.
The final member of this team is that wonderful and ill-disciplined left-arm wrist spinner Chuck Fleetwood-Smith, who gave Shane Warne the template for the playboy lifestyle he lives today.
Fleetwood-Smith was a wonderful turner of the ball, who is best remembered by most cricket fans of his time for his colourful lifestyle. The man gains his position in the side, not for succumbing to alcoholism, but due to his mother’s family making its wealth via ownership of a soft drink company.
After all, sometimes you need a break from alcohol, don’t you?
As with all sides of this type, there are some honourable mentions to be made.
Already Doug Walters has gained mention, while the team did not need two Coopers, so Paul Sheahan’s great grandfather William misses the boat.
Rod Marsh’s drinking exploits are famous but we already had a keeper in Bransby Cooper, while Cameron White (wine) also just misses a spot.
So, without further ado, I propose a toast to the Thirsty Fielders, a team that due to its very nature will never go thirsty.
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