They wear your favourite colours, bleed for your cause, and are probably pretty nice blokes. But you just can’t help hating them anyway. Forget the invincible and the unbeatables; these guys are the unflushables.
The players in every team whose name on the team sheet is likely to send fans into a murderous, Wade-Mackinnon-like rage, but who continue to bob up in first grade week after week after week.
Sure, some of these players might occasionally get dropped or injured, and they can show flashes of brilliance, but just like Two and a Half Men, you know they won’t be gone, or good, for too long.
There are many perceived reasons why an unflushable might frustrate his team’s fans.
Sometimes it might be put down to coaching bias, whereby a player is seen to follow a coach from club to club to cling onto a first grade spot.
Many jokes are made about the relationship between said coach and player, with rumours of coaches’ daughters flying thick and fast in the grandstands. (Hey, why do you think Ben Ikin played so much first grade?)
This player really rankles on the fan; because you know no matter how much of a stinker he has, he’ll always be selected next week as ‘an important part of the team dynamic’ or ‘a contributor in the dressing rooms.’
This is coach-speak for ‘he lives round the corner from my place and his wife cooks a mean Bolognese.’
Another reason may be that the now-ageing unflushable is blocking the place of a younger, far brighter prospect. Watching an over-the-hill, fading former star being continually selected for things he did five years ago is almost as annoying as being stuck behind video referee Russell Smith at the Leichardt oval canteen (Decision Pending, Decision pending, Decision pending…).
Yes, it’s sad to see a great player dropped to Reggies, but maybe they could have some dignity and take up Oztag or write articles on an internet sports forum like the rest of us, where the only critics are fourteen year olds and blokes with dodgy knees.
The last reason a player may be seen as an unflushable is that, well, he’s just not that good. Sure, every NRL player bar Greg Smith and Garrick Morgan had some skill to make it into first grade, but not all players are created equal.
The Illawarra Steelers used to have a back-up hooker named Brad Hepi who did not exactly endear himself to the local fans (though I’m led to believe he became a cult hero in Castleford). As a hooker Hepi could not pass the ball off the ground, could only tackle from the neck up and seemed continually confused out on the field.
I remember a match where he was penalised for being inside the ten only to walk off the field thinking he had been sent off. Hepi did this sort of stuff a lot.
My father, who was usually more John Dorahy than Donnelley, refused to attend another Steelers game as long as Hepi played, and contacted the local paper, radio stations and even the coach Allan McMahon in an effort to have him removed from the team. Ah, for the days before the internet.
So, in the interest of fairness I have nominated each NRL club’s unflushable. Feel free to tell me how wrong I am.
Panthers – Adrian Purtell
Raiders – David Milne
Souths – John Sutton
Cowboys – Ashley Graham
Manly – Tony Williams
Melbourne – Anthony Quinn
Titans – Esi Tonga
Broncos – Scott Anderson
Newcastle – Joel Edwards
Parramatta – Jeff Robson
Bulldogs – Dean Halatau
Roosters – Phil Graham
Warriors – Kristian Inu
Dragons – Matt Cooper (process of elimination)
Tigers – Daniel Fitzhenry (trust me, as long as Sheens coaches, he will be back!)
Sharks – John Morris…and most of their backline
NSW – Kurt Gidley
QLD – Brent Tate
Australian cricket team – Cameron White
tigger madness
Roar Rookie
Fitzy is like the poo you flush which keeps bobbing back to the surface.
james
Guest
don't joke about Fitzfumble, I'm worried about the possible come back with all the injuries we have. and he was a horrible winger.
Jeff
Guest
Purtel would be a good player in any other team, two years ago, Bellamy wanted him at Melbourne, that's an indication that he has more promise than he is showing under thw worst coach in the league..
Wilko
Guest
the ultimate unflushable?? - fellow rugby league diehards, it HAS to be Manase Manuokafoa. We (Souths) couldn't believe the Cowpats took him off our hands after he consistently under-performed for several disastrous seasons, and they (Cowpats) couldn't believe the Eels took him off theirs! Big Manase - so much size, so little ticker ...
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
Gareth, Thanks for your reply and thanks for reminding me about Brett "Killer" Kelly, wasn't he a fan favourite! As for Purtell I monitor a few rugby league forums and it appears as though many Panther fans have a much dimmer view of him than yourself, however as you pointed out its unlikely the Panthers would be paying him a motza. Thanks for your input, Cheers Vic
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
My Generation, Thanks for the link, a fine article indeed! A great summary of rugby league's most famous 'Lobster poacher" Made me think of the great Cronulla player Jared Anderson Well played Vic
MyGeneration
Roar Guru
Ladies, gentlemen, and fellow Manly supporters, I give you the ultimate unflushable, Scott Fulton: http://www.silvertails.net/articles/ex-player-profiles/3340
Gareth
Guest
For the Panthers I'd throw in Michael Jennings. Purts is the sort of guy who will never disappoint. He wouldn't be on big money, and nobody expects much from him. Jennings on the other hand is touted as a superstar when in seems to me he's got the same lackadaisical attitude as Jarryd Hayne, but only a quarter of the talent. He doesn't create anything, can't defend, and ass of 2011 can't catch either. But he'll be around for a long time because of the myth he's cultivated. David Milne is a harsh selection from mine. He's a bloke who deserves to be playing first grade somewhere, but has Dugan in front of him. He's lightning quick, can sniff out an offload a mile away and always looks to get involved. With Brett Kelly departing, Matt Orford looks determined to take up the mantle of the Raiders unflushable. I'd have given the Roosters nomination to Ryles, with Pearce close behind. Ryles because he's more prone to brain snaps, Pearce because he's lazily coasting on his surname and is set to fill Kurt Gidley's shoes as NSW unflushable one day. Can't really fault the rest, though there's a lot of competition at the Bunnies.
Sam H
Guest
Vic, speaking as a long time Fitzy lover/hater, he did do all that bad on the wing, and he was even worse in the halves, where (despite his ineptitude) he was regularlarly selected during his two stints at the Tigers. Sheens eventually had to craft a specialist position for him - the 77 minute benchie who impedes forward rotation and can fill in capably in zero positions in case of injury. Still, he's no Beau Ryan.
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
Hi Mark, Thanks for the feedback. Agree with you about Fitzy, Tigers fans have a love hate relationship with the bloke i.e. they love to hate him! I don't think he did all that bad on the wing myself, it was when they tried to slot him into the halves or play him off the bench as an impact player where things went a bit Frank Spencer. I'm sure he's good for at least one more comeback... Cheers Vic
Mark Young
Roar Guru
Ahh Fitzy! The venom directed towards him by the Tiger Diehards is quite something. I always found him very vanilla, in no way exciting, but in no way offensive. Just there. Unflushable! Great stuff Vic, I always enjoy your articles. Long may you write
Goat Boat Driver
Guest
Didn't mind John Plath actually. Your right about Frawley though. Another winger in the mould of Scott Minto.
Wendy from Rockhampton
Guest
No room for John Plath? David Mapp? Craig Frawley?
Wendy from Rockhampton
Guest
Kris Kahler, Laea Paea, Brad Davis, Luke Capewell, Paul Gale.....
Goat Boat Driver
Guest
Can't believe i forgot a great unflushable, Ashton Sims, although the less said about him the better. Cost the Broncos the 2008 premiership. Seriously. As for souths i'm sure there are a few coaches in the past who could be regarded as an unflushable. Also feedback from Raiders fans suggests that Orford has reached unflushable status too.
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
GBD, Lucky you didn't follow Souths in the 90's, you wouldn't have had enough space for all the unflushables! Cheers Vic
Goat Boat Driver
Guest
Some past and present examples of unflushables (note i am a broncos and QLD supporter): Joel Clinton - admittedly was on a hiding to nothing replacing petrol seventycentsalitre but was still unbeliveably ordinary Brent Tate - maybe its the car seat he's never gotten out of but if there is a gumbier player in the NRL (Ben Jeffries is no longer playing) i've yet to see them. Don't really understand why i hate him so much but just do. Steve 'turnstile' Michaels - Made me want the Broncos to offer Tate an Inglis like contract if only to keep Michaels out of the team. Cheered when he was dropped to the reggies. Dane Carlaw - should be a gun. Isn't. End of story. Stuart Kelly - Vaguely remeber him captaining the Broncos one game. First time i've ever cheered for the opposition. Steve Rivett - a bit of a smokey here but a winger who never defended on his wing, let in a thousand tries, made Steve Michaels look a good option Scott 'Wayne Bennetts lovechild' Minto - the original unflushable. Absolutley no idea how he ever played as much first grade as he did. Admittedly did see him score a try against the raiders one afternoon but that was an exception. Shane Perry - premiership winning halfback, seriously. Lockyer had to get shoulder surgery at end of 2006 season after carrying this nuffie all year. Other notables from opposition teams: Luke 'no pass' Delany - set his winger up for plenty of tries, problem was never passed it to them. was talk of him getting an origin gig, unfortunately didn't happen. Ben Jeffries - mentioned earlier but when he scored an absolute fluke of a try the overwhelming feeling from the crowd was that he should immediately retire while on top and walk away from the game. Instead he celebrated with a thousand beers then drove home..... Kurt Gidley - knights fans love him, NSW fans hate him Gavin Cooper - made the first years of watching the titans good fun as we all waited for the inevitable error from cooper Michael Bani - pretty sure the cowgirls signed him after one good game with Manly. Repaid them with 2 seasons of nothing Brenton Bowen - Not Matt Bowen Ty Williams - origin player when QLD were ordinary. Only claim to fame was when he scored a try in origin after 6 knock-ons and video ref pressed wrong button. Paul Gallen - Have to get shark fans feedback on this i think. do something good, follow up with penalty to opposition in front of the sticks Jason Ryles - Cut by Bennett. the same man who gave scotty minto and steve michaels first grade gigs. 3 mins left, dragons up by 2, Ryles attempts offload 20 out with 4 people in the tackle, doesn't come off..... Sure there are plenty more
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
Hi LeftArmSpinner, Two words; Corey parker! Cheers Vic
Ken
Guest
Hey Vic Was definitely happy to see Kyle Stanley re-sign the other week - I think this guy is an out-and-out star in the making and it would have been sad to see him go. Next backline spot that opens is his, with Boyd likely taking off next year would be interesting to see him tried at no.1. Not overly excited about his brother coming back, if he wasn't injured so much he probably would be a regular first grader by now but I'm not sure he's anything more than that. Was disappointing to lose FaiFai Loa, he had some eye-catching performances in his few games for us in the top grade and seems to have carried that North but, hey, life as a Dragons fan involves losing a lot of promising up-and-comers to other teams. Salary cap at work. So I see where you are coming from but Cooper is a veteran 1 team man in great form, I think most of us are happy to have him around for a while yet (he's signed up for next year at least I think).
LeftArmSpinner
Roar Guru
sadly, your unflushables look like my underperforming fantasy team!!!!!!!!