There are two things of interest on television tonight: the Royal Wedding, and the AFL. One is a world-changing event, surrounded by time-hallowed traditions, and watched by millions of devotees the world over. The other is a couple of toffs getting hitched.
Obviously, the timing of these two events has caused some consternation amongst whoever the people are whose job it is to become consternated at televisual timetables.
For instance, as this article on TV Tonight notes, “Coverage of the Royal Wedding itself will begin at 4pm on Seven, but in AFL states it will be on 7TWO due to match commitments”.
Obviously an event of such world-shattering importance should be sanctified in poetry and song, and some people might be interested in the royal wedding as well.
Therefore, I have taken the liberty of penning the following summary of the events as they will eventually eventuate. It is true that discerning readers may find some disparity between the poem and reality, but if that is the case, then it is undoubtedly reality that is at fault.
Big shindig. Royal wedding.
PMs in three-piece. Queens in crowns.
Down the streets of London heading
Stars and starlets, glitzy gowns.
Bigger shindig. AFL.
Boofy men run on the ground.
Crowd roars. One thousand voices swell
And fill the stadium with sound.
Westminster. Choir voices, pure
Fill God’s chapel with their verses
While “OOH YAH BASTARD” doth abjure,
One side cheers. The other curses.
London. Service. Bishop preaches.
Sydney. Players do their thing.
London. Poetry and speeches.
A wedding ring!
Great wonder at the final score,
Tears, cheers, cries, shouts, worldwide acclaim –
William v Kate – a brilliant draw!
Now let us sing:
GOD SAVE OUR GLORIOUS FOOTY GAME.