By now, everyone has thrown in their two cents about the New South Wales Origin team. Here’s what they wouldn’t say and why New South Wales really won’t win Origin.
Fullback: Josh Dugan.
Canberra’s kid on the BMX with a rat’s tail gets the nod ahead of Jarryd Hayne on a tattoo count back. Loves to follow up a length of the field try with a knock-on from dummy half in his own 20 – and doesn’t mind a phantom injury, like boils, nerve damage etc.
Left winger: Brett Morris.
Has spent most of his time this year standing on the wing admiring the rippling torso of Matt Cooper, who to this point has refused to pass him the ball. Scintillating speed has been put to good effect being the first bloke on the spot to shake fellow winger Jason Nightingale’s hand as he scores another try.
Right centre: Mark Gasnier.
A re-born Gasnier has been drafted in by fellow New South Wales legend Stuart to act as head activities co-ordinator for the Blues (bike riding in Paris anyone?) and possibly even as team bus driver in an effort to “fire up” the boys… or at least keep Gaz off his mobile phone whilst in camp.
Left centre: Michael Jennings.
An unusual selection seeing his performance this year has to date been overshadowed by teammates Michael Gordon, Trent Waterhouse… and Adrian Purtell.
Right winger: Akuila Uate.
Hoping to emulate the long and successful Origin career of fellow Knight James McManus. Andrew Johns loves to sing the kid’s praises (and err, not in the Greg Inglis kind of way we hope).
Five eighth: Jamie Soward.
The ‘milkman’ is set to be deliver a full-cream performance for New South Wales thanks to the fact that he has actually played five-eighth before. Sure he needs more hiding in the defensive line than Matt Orford’s car at Canberra’s Woolworths and needs studs to see over his kicking tee, but gee whiz don’t you love that crazy goal-kicking style? Oh, you don’t?
Halfback: Mitchell Pearce.
Has managed to burgle his way into the New South Wales side despite being outplayed on the weekend by Scott ‘Lawn Clippings’ Porter under the New South Wales RL’s quota of having to select at least one dud half in every Origin match. Can’t wait to get into camp with the boys (i.e. away from the Roosters) and get stuck into some horse riding with Dad.
Lock: Paul Gallen (c).
Head of the Blues back-row brains trust, Gallen’s selection at captain can only be put down to coach Ricky Stuart being a huge Jack Sparrow fan and Kurt Gidley’s unwillingness to captain New South Wales from his futon in Kurri Kurri. In his defence, Gallen has tried to play the nice guy of late but everyone knows that he is likely to spear-tackle the ball boy and head-butt Julie Anthony come Origin kick-off.
Second row: Greg Bird.
Blues second rower Greg ‘Empty’ Bird (aka Wally Lewis 2.0) has been placed in charge of ironic moustaches, facial massaging and proving the existence of the ‘Bob Linder’ phenomena whereby a player can play at least twenty times better for his state than his club.
Second row: Beau Scott.
Bird’s right hand man Beau ‘Nought’ Scott has been picked to stop Greg Inglis tripping over teammate Jamie Soward and ruining his funky headgear for the night. Has promised not to take anymore advice from Andrew Johns this year on account of being easily confused.
Front row: Kade Snowden.
Picked despite the fact he plays for the Sharks, is ugly as a Broncos alternate jersey and has previously punched out his front row partner… and did I mention he plays for the Sharks?
Hooker: Michael Ennis.
Loves a penalty like Jason King does cake, is dying to get back and have a crack at the antagonistic fiend Nate Myles and continue the long line of thoroughly unlikeable New South Wales hookers. If the game gets close in the final 10 look for Ronnie Palmer running out with a bottle of Valium.
Front row: Jason King.
Picked solely on New South Wales’s blueprint of copying everything Queensland do, i.e. making sure the Blues also had at least one senior citizen in the front row. Has been receiving some tips from Steve Roach, mainly in regards to forming a plan of attack for the Hyatt’s Regency’s breakfast buffet.
Interchange:
Ben Creagh:
Nicest man in rugby league according to Wayne Bennett and Justin Hodges. The nerdy prefect on school camp selected to make sure Ennis, Gallen, Bird and Scott don’t set fire to their hotel rooms or start a cock fighting syndicate.
Trent Merrin:
“Ricky, we’re one player short!”
“Gosh dang it… just pick another Dragons player.”
“Righto… you!”
Tim Mannah:
A deserved selection ’cause he’s such a nice guy and is forced to play for Parramatta every weekend.
Dean Young:
Interchange hooker picked just in case Michael Ennis misses the team bus again (turns out Beau Scott was counting the players for the driver last year).
Coach: Ricky Stuart:
Will lead the way for his players by whining, looking constipated for a week before eye gouging the match official following a loss… and did I mention he used to coach the Sharks?
Ryan
Guest
Inglis has thin skin, not Joey's fault. Inglis is an overated bum which is being proved at Souths
scott
Guest
correct me if im wrong..... but I dont believe that players were paid that much to play origin? I'd hazard a guess to say that it means more to the players to be on the field rather than to be bagging some extra $$$ for the priviledge. WIth all of them being currently under contract with NRL clubs anyway, I dont see how Gaz will be single handedly responsible for rippng food out of the mouths and clothes of the back of every NSW players family? Get a grip mate!
John Mayne
Guest
Haha, good call Johnno!
Dean - Surry Hills
Guest
Johnno - That wasn't "your 2 cents worth" - that was more like a buck eighty five in foreign currency.
Johnno
Guest
Good team but NSW can beat it, but now i will in my 2cents worth about Mark Gasnier and why he may let QLD get some momentum in Game 1 and have QLD win series, and i think Mark gasiner will be big reason for costing NSW momentum and losing game 1 of series. And Mark Gasnier Gasnier should resign tommorow May 18 before he gets to emotionally distracted later in the week as the team camp and bonding develops and game plans are worked hard at training. Otherwise he will only increase the chances of a QLD series win. Congrats to Gaz and your family on your 1st child. But also lets get real and honest here to, and do away with the fake nicities and cut to the point . Many other people have had children before, Gaz and his wife will not become the 1st parents ever on planet earth. Many of his blues team mates and coaching and blues management staff are family men to. Now we NSW have an origin series( And we NSW have lost 5 straight it’s embarrising just writing that lol) and these blues coaches, players livliehoods (in other words money to pay for morgatges and put food on the table), will be impacted if they lose. Pro sport is not just a game, as soon as money comes into it which is what pro sport is as opposed to amatuer it is not just a game because you are dealing with human beings sources of income livliehoods in other words. So winning and money become everything, no mercy can be shown you have to be cut throat and ruthless sometimes and make tough desicions if you want to win, no tolerance for disruptions or sentiments, when it is proffessional as opposed to amatuer , due like i said before when money is involved and a persons livelihood is at stake. Is Mark Gasnier going to give his teammates his blues match payements if he is not fully focused only 50 percent there mentally, or some other form of financial compensation as them losing for whatever reason will impact on there potential future club contracts, league is 13 man sport not a 12 and half man sport. Gaz and his family are not the only family who need money to. Him being 50/50 there will disrupt the whole team set up, and the blues can’t afford serious distractions of this nature. It will impact the whole mood of the camp. Either he says “I play no matter what regardless if I miss the birth and comitt to being fully focused” eg like Paul Gallen when he had 2nd child or doesn’t play, and put in Idris who has no distractions and will be fully focused. It’s as simple as that in my opinion and Gaz would be selfish to put his family ahead of the blues teams who also have families with bills to pay and are playing for potential future big money club contracts(deals that could set them and there own families up for life) and playing future at rep level.
Mauzzie
Guest
Ahh yes yes I remember now. That was a well written article, very funny. I'm looking forward to your thoughts on the Qld team Vic
Dean - Surry Hills
Guest
Hillarious stuff, keep up the good work. Vicarious punishment for NSW fans who the read The Roar. I've just seen the QLD team - it has to be the worst centre and wing pairings that I've seen in years. Gasnier to run riot. NSW by 13+
Chris Chard
Roar Guru
Hi Mauzzie, Last year when the whole racial furore about Tahu/Johns was swirling about it came about that Johns was in the process of giving Inglis a 'wrap' (talking him up to others) when he let fly with some outdated racial terms to NSW players. Johns has been quick to wrap Uate as a great talent, I was just saying that when he's given Uate a wrap I hope he's chosen his words more carefully (lest we be all be dragged into another Tahu saga pre match) which I'm sure he has ("Its not his go" etc etc). Cheers, Vic
scott
Guest
are you off your meds lollies? I dont see how 7 reigning premiers and the current comp leaders can be a bad thing for a side, but then again QLDers arent known for their logic. Hayne is undisciplined, overrated and most of all a massive cry baby. Whether the blues are better off with Dugan is debatable, but they are better off without Hayne.
BennO
Guest
Yeah I never understood that selection either. People carry on about wingers being good cos they score lots of tries...er, they just have to catch a pass and run straight. Big deal. I always thought the same about Brett Stewart. I don't think I've seen him create tries in the same way hayne or slater can. But then, I hate manly, and I'm from qld.
Mauzzie
Guest
A very funny article - good read. I didn't understand the comment regarding Inglis getting advice from Johns? I like lollies - I agree that it is rude and arrogant for Stuart to be telling Hayne where to play. For me Hayne should have been in the team in any position. He can play anywhere in the backline and always has an impact in origin games. I just cannot believe that NSW would leave their best player for the last 2 series out of game one. They should be picking a side and supporting it the whole way through the series - but it definitely should have had Hayne in it. It's sad that NSW can make so many selection errors. I hope Dugan plays well - go the Blues!!
howiroll
Guest
You must be talking about the tigers game when they got thumped 49 -12 , and Dugan scored two tries that weren't really tries, and then let in two tries. Or was it this week when he was a class above when he let in another two. The class above his team mates tag should really go to hayne, if you watch any other game then canberra. I'm not a painter!
ilikelollies
Guest
Ricky Derpert, Super Coach....hahahahahaha. Queensland will be way too good for this team. I mean sending 7 dragons up agaisnt the Maroons, theyll get flogged. Leaving Hayne out is unforgivable as well and the arrogance of the bloke to say its because he's not playing 5/8......WTF....remember you werent cut out to be a club coach Rick so STHU so your opinions means 0.0000
Ticker
Guest
Are you sure you're a Raiders supporter? Because if you really were, you'd know that Dugan has looked a class above his team mates during that horrible losing streak, despite his limited playing time. I guarantee that he will not let his team, coach or supporters down. Isn't Haynes a type of paint?
Roarr
Guest
i only wish ennis got a harsher wrap
howiroll
Guest
Dugan on form, what a joke Ricky! ! he hasnt been playing and when he does ,he's been to busy looking and complaining at the ref. Haynes or Dugan in any side ??? I would pick Haynes every day of the week and thats coming from a raiders supporter.
Robbo
Guest
The disturbing part is that it probably wouldn't involve any roosters...
Benz
Guest
An excellent unbiased read
Tony Mac
Guest
Big Mal will fine tune the QLD team to overcome anything NSW can dish up. His biggest decision will be to convince XXXX Brewery that it is ok to put XXXXXX on a Fourex can when we win - Go the Maroons
Not London Enough
Guest
I see all your players and raise you a David Williams. In hindsight, picking a player because he had a funny looking beard wasn't such a great idea.