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Rather than the conventional code wars, I took a more novel approach to see which code is best. I thought I’d look at the mascots/nicknames of the teams and see which code, in my opinion, would come out on top.
Scores are out of 5, then I took an average for the code to see who comes out on top.
Let me preface this with the following:
1) I prefer animal nicknames over human ones
2) Predatory animals are better than domesticated animals or herbivores
3) Colours are not a great mascot
4) American style word based nicknames such as “Power” are rubbish.
5) This is entirely subjective.
Disagree with my scores? Let me know.
NRL
North Queensland: Cowboys is too American – Jackeroos may have been better 2
Brisbane: Broncos again is too American, and now Rugby has taken Brumbies 3
Gold Coast: Titans is better than Giants / Seagulls / Chargers, but not much 2
Newcastle: Knights works well with the ‘castle theme, and the double N sound is nice 4
Central Coast: Bears is traditional, and a top animal nickname 5
Manly: Eagles is great, but the Sea a bit superfluous. Just makes it difficult to say with the double “ea” 4
Parramatta: While eels are particularly tough, it’s unique and with the river it suits 4
Penrith: Another big cat, perfect for a mascot, especially with the real life panther around 5
Wests Tigers: Best mascot in sports 5
Canterbury: Whilst there are less ugly canines, tenacious and good for headlines 3
Souths: A bloke who kills rabbits and sells them. Unique, historical, maybe scary, but still dumb 1
Sydney (Easts): Poultry aint tough 1
Cronulla: Apex predator in seaside suburb. If only the team was as good as the nickname 5
St George Illawarra: Dragons fits perfectly with St George. Point off for the secondary saints nickname 4
Canberra: Ripoff of Oakland from the NFL. What do Vikings have to do with the ACT? 1
Melbourne: Storm good for headline writers, but how do you dress someone up as a storm for the kids? 1
A League
North Queensland: Nickname spelt doom for the team 1
Brisbane: Trying to keep touch with the historical Lions I know, but a vocal noise is not a mascot 1
Gold Coast: United is a traditional if uninspiring nickname 2
Newcastle: Jets is fairly middling 3
Central Coast: Seaside so it fits, but a Mariner is just some bloke who goes out to sea 2
Sydney: FC again a traditional but uninspiring nickname 2
Melbourne: Victory has the big V associated with it, but otherwise rubbish 1
Melbourne: Heart are lucky I’m not doing negative numbers. Soft as 0
Wellington: Phoenix rose from the ashes of the Knights, so appropriate 3
Adelaide: see Gold Coast 2
Perth: Marketing team must be pretty influential 1
AFL
Brisbane: Love the big cats 5
Gold Coast: I know they are playing on the whole beach thing, but pretty disappointing 2
Sydney: Could they pick a wussier bird? (maybe the sparrows) 1
GWS: Western Sydney Wolves would have been much better 2
Carlton: Colours are weak nicknames, and another shade darker and they would not longer be blue 1
Collingwood: Whilst magpies aren’t the most predatory of birds, colours are perfect and as a blond haired kid I know they are aggressive 4
Essendon: Bombers is much better than the more common jets – a bit more unique 4
Hawthorn: Hawks is perfect – predatory bird, alliteration (knew high school English would come in handy one day) 5
Melbourne: Demons are evil and a hint of the supernatural 3
Nth Melb: An Australian native which is good – just not a particularly scary one 3
Richmond: See Wests in the NRL 5
St Kilda: Saints are supposed to be goody goody holier than thou types 1
Western Bulldogs: See Canterbury in the NRL 3
Geelong: Cats can be spiteful, but not too fierce normally 3
Adelaide: Crows are carrion feeders 3
Port: More yankee tripe 1
West Coast: Eagles is a top choice 5
Fremantle: I know it is a shipping centre, but Dockers are not particularly scary. Smelly perhaps 2
Super Rugby
Queensland: Reds is an insipid choice 1
NSW: Only gets a point as it is the floral emblem. Still, it’s a floral emblem 1
ACT: Brumbies much better choice as it is in the local lingo, rather than broncos 3
Melbourne: Rebels ties in well with Eureka 3
Western Force: The force is not with this nickname 1
Cricket Big Bash League
Not even bothering 0
So, based on this, the code wars results in reverse order are (on average):
Cricket – 0;
A-League – 1.63;
Rugby – 1.8;
NRL – 2.941;
AFL – 2.944.
The AFL wins the code wars!
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