QRL memo to Ricky Stuart leaked

A document has come to my attention which I think will be of significant interest to NSW Origin fans, particularly at this crucial juncture in their teams wayward fortunes.

Through sources I am not at liberty to reveal, I have been given a copy of a memo to NSW Coach Ricky Stuart which directly implicates him as being part of a conspiracy to derail any efforts by the NSW Blues to win this year’s State of Origin series.

Obviously a document this explosive and unexpected will generate massive interest and also suspicion. For this reason I have decided to release it first to The Roar, a specialist sports website, and not one of the major news outlets.

This memo appears to infer that Ricky Stuart’s recent controversial selections are not the result of critical analysis or strategic requirements, but rather the result of inducement by the QRL to provide the weakest possible NSW team.

I can only assume this from the content of the memo itself and will leave it to The Roar community determine its veracity.

A transcript of the memo is below:

QRL MEMO – 1 JUNE 2011

TO: RICKY STUART – NSWRL OFFICES

SUBJECT: NSW TEAM SELECTIONS – DIRECTIVES FOR GAME 2

Ricky, in our conversations immediately after game 1 you indicated a wilingness to take greater direction from us in regards to team selections for game 2.

The result in game 1 was far too close for us to feel comfortable with you picking a side that was relatively strong and logical in its selections again.

While we concede that you must be the public face of the selections, we have some very specific advice for you to give to your fellow selectors for game 2. Be advised, these ideas must be appear to emanate from you.

While the suggestions we give may well appear to be “fantasy selections” from Queenslanders, it must be always implied that these were your decisions with the advice of your colleagues.

Our strategic directives related to team selections are as follows:

1. Be sure to make at least one selection which is both bizarre and completely inexplicable.

Picking a player out of position and with limited NRL experience would be preferred.

However, if you can also find a player who has no possibility of being selected for the next couple of years that would be even better.

A player defecting to rugby union for example, or a player leaving to undertake a religious mission (unlikely) are ideal.

2. Continue the NSW policy of not selecting high calibre young players with certain long-term Origin prospects.

It is preferred that you find a player who has performed well at Origin and International level but is deemed as unsuitable for this series. Jamal Idris should not be picked under any circumstances.

In his only Origin game he played very well and scored a try. He has the potential to play at this level for another 10 years so it would be inadvisable to select him now.

We personally don’t know why NSW have persisted with this policy in the past but it works so well for us that we felt it was essential that we remind you of it.

3. Continue with the practice of contradicting your blanket statements on selections made one month ago.

We particularly liked the talk about not picking players out of position.

Can we suggest bringing an extremely short back-rower/lock into the front row? This will appear to NSW fans that you have lost your mind and will work well for our players going into game 2.

4. It is imperative that you not pick Jarryd Hayne at fullback. This can not be stressed enough.

Doing this represents the most clear and present danger to a Maroons victory in game 2. He is a proven big game player, 2009 Golden Boot winner and presents an asymmetrical defensive problem for us. Regardless of injuries, do not pick Hayne.

I know this may be going too far but it would best serve our interests if you pick an ageing, some might say “past it” fullback rather than Hayne. Perhaps someone with a long run of injuries who is unlikely to be a long-term prospect.

I would even check to see if Gary Jack is available before Hayne is picked. We can not stress this enough. Despite your statements about not picking players out of position, you must not pick Hayne at fullback.

5. For our benefit, pick the smallest, most impotent forward pack you can find.

This will perfectly suit our big, aggressive pack who, let’s be fair, don’t want to have to work too hard.

Avoid picking genuine enforcers like Tom Learoyd-Lahrs. Instead, opt for small, annoying types with no traces of intimidation such as Anthony Watmough.

If you can pick Greg Bird again we would appreciate it. His pre-game tough-guy talk provides some much-needed amusement to our more fragile players like Civoniceva and Scott who are convinced he is joking.

6. Do pick Paul Gallen as captain in game 2.

Queensland teams work best when there is at least one player picked whose main aims are to start fights and give away stupid penalties and he is as good as any at this.

He can also be relied on to throw the ball away at crucial moments leading to tries which makes the work of our halves a lot easier.

We thank you for your willingness to co-operate with us. Follow this guidance and our victory is assured.

We look forward to working together for game 3.

Yours faithfully,
QRL

The above is a satirical attempt to understand just how NSW Blues coach Ricky Stuart came up with his selections for State of Origin II.

If you have a better idea or some “inside knowledge” on how Stuart dreamed up his selections, leave a comment