The Roar
The Roar

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Is rugby confusing or just misunderstood?

8th August, 2011
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8th August, 2011
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As I’ve gotten older there have been many difficult things I’ve had to explain. Trying to explain the ending of ‘Inception’, explaining to my younger brother how a manual transmission works, and explaining to my mates how I ruptured my ACL building a vegetable garden were all pretty tough.

None of these, however, compare on the frustration scale to trying to explain rugby union to the uninitiated.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming to be a high priest of authority on the game – more like a casual church goer. A level one coaching certificate is as far as my official accreditation extends, however even obtaining this proved to be more difficult than insulting John Eales at Ballymore.

As a PE teacher who had obtained accreditation in sports that I couldn’t watch let alone play (European Handball, Canadian Canoeing, Roller Frisbee) becoming qualified in a sport that I had played intermittently over the years seemed like a no-brainer, and a ticket to a cushy private school gig.

This was until I was confronted with a Matt Dunning-sized examination of questions along the lines of:

– If the offensive fly-half box kicks from the breakdown and the Gilbert strikes an unbound defensive flanker before ricocheting off the uprights and hitting the corner post, at which point the assistant referee is defecated on by a seagull, should the referee;

a. Pack a scrum.
b. Award a 22yard free kick to the defensive team.
c. Buy Peter Fizsimons’ new book.

How anyone who didn’t actually attend rugby school in the 19th century has managed to become a coach or official in the game before Google escapes me (on a brighter note, the test booklet has been doing a pretty fair job of holding up one corner of my lounge for the last couple of years).

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But I digress. Years ago a friend of mine with an Aussie Rules background was coaxed along to a local rugby union training session. Being a stockily built chap, the coach took one look at him and cast him into the front row as hooker.

Subsequently in his first match practice he was elbowed five times in the face, trod on unmercifully before cracking the sads and driving home after unsuccessfully attempting to throw a legal lineout throw after 20 minutes of trying.

If this sounds like a painful rugby union experience, however, it pales in comparison to my Bledisloe Cup viewing last weekend.

Watching the match with a small group my attention was about as consistent as the Wallabies attack as the querying of rules and interpretations was interrupted only by James O’Connor artistically kicking goals in multi-vitamin ads (special effects that would put ‘Avatar’ to shame).

My mother-in-law, who successfully mastered the basics of American football after half a Super Bowl, was particularly confused as to where to look for the breakdowns the commentators kept talking about, not to mention the prolonged advantage ruling.

This was just the tip of the iceberg as everything from Quade Cooper’s seemingly endless forward passes to why play suddenly changed from ‘end-to-end’ to ‘side-to-side’ when the ball was brought out to the 22 line became a bone of contention.

By game’s end I was mentally exhausted and would have gladly stood in the way of a Maori sidestep if it meant avoiding any more rule questions.

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So with the World Cup around the corner, does the ARU have a public perception problem of the game’s laws being lost in translation?

I for one believe so and nothing short of a Federal funded fridge magnet outlining the ELV laws and a series of community consultation sessions panelled by the 1984 Wallabies backline, is needed to rectify the issue.

Failing that Channel 9 could just show the film ‘Forever Strong’ every Monday night for the next month, or Tooheys New could rehash their popular penalty explanation tickers down the bottom of the screen.

Anything to ensure those with a vague idea of what’s happening can make it till the All Blacks get knocked out of the cup without the need to disappear to a remote cabin somewhere to watch the games, emerging a month later like an emancipated Sebastian Chabal.

Because that really would be hard to explain.

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