England set to crush India

For three Test matches now England have played the role of Jean-Claude Van Damme. India, on the other hand, have played the role of “Henchman Number 7”.

And they have accepted each roundhouse kick to the face with the same resistance as any good onscreen evil henchman.

India turned up looking the part and quite threatening (including twirling their nunchucks a few times before the fight), but in the end they have been totally outclassed.

England have been so completely dominant in this series that they have increased their winning margin with each match. This would be impressive if, for example, England had won the first Test by 50 runs and increased it to 150 runs by the third Test.

But the fact that they won the first Test by 196 runs and polished off India by a whopping innings and 242 runs in the third is simply astounding. It is evidence of England’s sheer ruthlessness as well as their skill.

The key for England has been their bowling. Andrew Strauss’ bowling attack has been so incisive that they have dismissed India for under 300 runs in every innings of the series so far.

James Anderson, Stuart Broad and Tim Bresnan have pummeled the vulnerable Indian batsmen with short stuff when required and then skittled the others with superb swing and seam bowling. Hair gel is not the only thing the three bowlers have in spades.

That’s not to take anything away from the batsmen. England’s batting has been so focused and skillful that the lineup has mustered not one, but two double centuries in the series – Kevin Pietersen’s fighting 202* at Lord’s and Alistair Cook’s 294 in the last match.

Cook’s innings has come under some criticism for being about as interesting as watching paint dry while Geoff Boycott recites the alphabet, but the sheer endurance and concentration required to bat for nigh on 13 hours (plus breaks) while still batting at a strike rate over 50 has to be admired.

These days many people struggle to concentrate long enough watch a 30-minute TV show (though that is fair enough if it’s Two and a Half Men).

Besides, I’m sure the little kid backyard cricketer in all of us can relate to his desire to continue batting and batting against inferior opposition. When there are runs to be had it’s best to capitalise.

Scoring 367 against my younger brother over the course of a weekend is one of my proudest personal cricket moments. No choking on the triple century for me. Though the quadruple was beyond me. Damn you automatic wicketkeeper rule!

Should England maintain their dominance and win this Test, India will fall to number three in the Test rankings behind South Africa.

India have injuries, Dhoni has taken to slogging, the great Sachin Tendulkar seems lost, their bowling “attack” is tepid, and the fielding has the intensity of a house cat on pethidine. There appears no hope that India can muster the courage, skill or desire to win the fourth and final Test at The Oval that starts on Thursday.

Like any group of movie henchman, reinforcements have arrived to replace the injured but will be disposed of in the same manner as their predecessors.

The fact that Virender Sehwag, who missed the first two Tests through injury, was billed as India’s saviour and ended the third Test with king pair is testament to that (It is also a relief to Adam Gilchrist. Gilchrist is no longer the best Test batsmen to register a king pair).

Best for India to just stand there, accept the roundhouse kicks to the face with a polite smile, and prepare to return fire in the one day series that starts next month.

England vs India:
Fourth Test at The Oval, London.
18-22 August 2011.
England lead the series 3-0.

England team (from): Andrew Strauss (capt), James Anderson, Ian Bell, Ravi Bopara, Tim Bresnan, Stuart Broad, Alastair Cook, Steven Finn, Eoin Morgan, Kevin Pietersen, Matt Prior (wk), Graeme Swann, Chris Tremlett.

India team (from): MS Dhoni (capt/wk), Rahul Dravid, Gautam Gambhir, Virat Kohli, Praveen Kumar, VVS Laxman, Amit Mishra, Abhinav Mukund, Pragyan Ojha, Munaf Patel, Suresh Raina, Wriddhiman Saha (wk), Virender Sehwag, Ishant Sharma, RP Singh, Shanthakumaran Sreesanth, Sachin Tendulkar.