The short answer? You can’t.
The upcoming Kiwi Union/League boxing event, headlined by Jonah Lomu against Manu Vatuvei, is being billed as the final word on which is the superior code – but it should be just the start of a new inter-sport battle for supremacy.
The charity event pits the rugby union great and he of the ‘Maori Sidestep’ against rugby league’s ‘Beast’, and could generate as much interest as the entire Rugby World Cup.
But wait. Former Wallaby Sam Scott-Young is tipped to fight Warriors hardman Monty Betham and, if you believe the pre-fight hype, a team of former All Blacks including Troy Flavell, Carlos Spencer and Christian Cullen will fight a team of Leaguies including Issac Luke, Awen Guttenbeil, Joe Vagana and Jerry Seuseu.
Far more valuable than the William Webb Ellis Cup or the Ashes are the bragging rights that will come from such an event.
True believers from the winning side will use the results of these bouts to once and for all claim that their code is the sport of choice for the brave, the hard, the finest athletes.
But no sooner will the schooner bet be settled than an AFL fan will wander in to proclaim: Luke Hodge is harder than either of them.
“Prelim Final against the Saints – cracked ribs, coughing up blood, played on.”
Well, let’s get him in there I say. Perhaps against Adam Blair, of Brookvale brawl fame?
Hard men don’t go soft so we can pair up a few from yesteryear.
Soccer vs AFL perhaps?
I say we get Duncan “Disorderly” Ferguson down under. I think he is now out of Barlinnie Prison for assault.
He might give away a bit of size to Tony Lockett so perhaps it might have to be a cage fight.
Pretty boy Harry Kewell is in Melbourne challenging the supremacy of born-again pretty boy Shane Warne? Let’s get it on.
I think every sports fan should play matchmaker.
Pick one from your sport and match him with one you hate from another sport.
If it’s a charity event, we’ll raise enough money to solve world hunger.
But the real money will come when we sell the broadcast rights to the ultimate inter-sport battle.
Ladies and Gentlemen, clear your diary and send your credit card details now for the pay-per-view mega event that is “The Big Boss Brawl”.
James Sutherland, Andrew Demetriou, David Gallop, John O’Neill and Ben Buckley in a no-holds-barred battle for primetime free-to-air coverage of their sport.
The winner gets to fight the winner of the “Clash of the Commentators”.