Except for an hour-long stopover in Auckland en route to Disneyland many years ago, I’ve never visited New Zealand.
But I have been to France twice. And I know I will go there again before I ever venture to the land of our ANZAC brothers.
Love does these things to you.
I also knew before kick off last Sunday that I would not be supporting our black-robed neighbours. When Les Bleus (or, for this match at least, Les Blancs) began the advance on their dancing warrior opponents I knew I had made the right choice.
The manoeuvre expressed perfectly the feisty, complex and unpredictable nature of the Gaul.
Their V formation could have represented many things. An arrow (it would have been too difficult to mimic the arsenal of their great armies: the musket and cannon), the head of a spear – threatening the throat-slitting Maoris with their own weapon, or theflanking manoeuvre used by Napoleon to decimate the Russians and Austrians at Austerlitz.
Perhaps it was just a flock of Strasbourg geese.
Was the holding of hands in long white socks a homoerotic gesture designed to unnerve the New Zealanders in their macho posturing? Could the dressing in the all-white of England have been a ploy to taunt the indigenous players with a re-creation of the colonial invasion of their land?
“France, misunderstood, incomprehensible, were magnificent!” trumpeted The Guardian.
The modern phrase “surrender monkeys” coined by Homer Simpson is used now to describe the French for their meek capitulation to the Germans in 1940, but they had the self-sacrificing men and women of the Resistance, as ruthless in their pursuit of liberty as the Nazis were in propagating their version of genocidal fascism.
Of course, their ruthlessness in pursuing liberty also found them running around during the Reign of Terror with the heads of royalists on sticks.
The great Marcel Proust didn’t let debilitating asthma prevent him from fulfilling his literary aspirations. Forced to sleep during the day because of the dust he wrote his masterpiece in bed at night.
And he did it in true Gallic style, ordering takeout from the Ritz.
Its modern incarnation resides in the ruck – as Wallaby John Eales’ right eye in 1999 and All Black Wayne Shelford’s scrotum in 1986 found out.
With the Frenchies deserved reputation as both gourmets ( delicate refined palates) and gourmands (truffling pigs that eat anything that moves – or swings) it was a wonder Shelford’s shelled testicle wasn’t sampled before being sewn back into its leathery pouch
As a player, if I was asked to choose between the mighty Canterbury Crusaders (‘gateway to the Antarctic’, lettuce & tomato sandwiches, stubbies of Canterbury Lager) and the lowly Bordeaux-Bègles (gateway to the Bay of Biscay, lamb with truffles, $1000 bottles of Mouton Rothschild), I know where I’d be going – south-west France thank you very much.
As with cycling, rugby doesn’t hold much interest for the skinny artistic Parisians.
It’s largely a game of the South played by the burly sons of peasants force-fed, like foie gras geese, with their mother’s provincial fare that leaves no part of a slaughtered animal uneaten.
With a cuisine swimming in fat and cholesterol (thanks to the addition of endless “nurbs” of butter) and breakfasts comprising a couple of Gitanes and a short black, the French shouldn’t succeed in any sport really.
Les Bleus shouldn’t have reached the final.
They have warring factions within the team, and the coach and players don’t respect each other: the former telling the latter they were “a bunch of spoiled brats, undisciplined, disobedient, sometimes selfish, always complaining, always whingeing”.
Hey, I thought the French would take that as a compliment.
They did go out drinking after beating Wales but it was Veuve Cliquot, not any old plonk. OK, lock Pascal Pape did spit at photographers outside Pastis, Auckland’s renowned French restaurant, but his lambs brains had been overcooked.
The paltry scores in the playoffs were proof of the importance of great defence and mental strength in the World Cup which the French have in spades. Their present mood isn’t conducive to attacking flair.
Captain Thierry Dusautoir after the semi final win against Wales and in front of a booing Eden Park crowd admitted: We were mentally strong and it is not always skills and combinations that win games. A lot of it is mental, maybe we needed more skills.
Today we won this match because of our defence. We didn’t play so much rugby but we played with our hearts”.
It mirrored his comments following the side’s tough win over Ireland in the Six Nations: “I would give my team five out of ten for management but ten for spirit.”
Heart, spirit, and bit of thuggery. Oh, and bit of decent technology too: a big computer residing in The National Centre of Rugby that replicates the scrummaging techniques of all their opponents.
They’re temperamental, precious, self obsessed and they whine a lot.
But they whine in the most beautiful language on earth. They pronounce ‘eaux’ as ‘o’. They made the Citroen DS and gave us the film Le Samourai.
They’re mad, these Frenchmen, and I love them for it. That would change very quickly, I’m sure, if I found myself in the ruck with them.
P.S. So Auckland has a decent French restaurant and Christchurch has a Belgian beer cafe. Perhaps I’ll arrange a stopover on my next trip to Paris.
Gaullois
Guest
Le demi d'ouverture de l'équipe de France Morgan Parra souffre d'une fracture du plancher orbitaire droit. Très marqué, le Clermontois, qui a un énorme cocard sous chaque oeil, sera éloigné des terrains pendant un mois environ.
Gaullois
Guest
Before to say this, please traduct the full article. Each time the players say that the ABs are great. And if you don't car we respect ABs so ok for me I'm not player of the French team and I hope will break you at the next test match, as I said before no victory only vendetta.
Gaullois
Guest
You see Jerry, the newspaper say that they want to say. Write bad things is better to sold. No The french players respect ABs but there is a problem with Joubert and a disrespectful behaviour of Captain ABs and ABs managers. Respect the opponent and respect its nation. Let them play in black and we abandoned our colours for that and not even a thank you. Not a Word to the speech of the final by your Captain, it is petty and shabby.
Jerry
Guest
I don't care what the French team think of the All Blacks. I merely showed some examples of French players to refute your claim that none of them were complaining. And that was in reference to the lack of complaint about Donald's kick. You said none of the French team have complained, which is patently untrue unless multiple journalists from different organisations are fabricating quotes. And since they are complaining, why are none of them complaining about Donald's penalty kick? Because it went over. It's a non story, and you're making yourself look silly going on about it. I'm done conversing with you, goodbye.
Gaullois
Guest
As I said even if the ball is not good, Joubert should given a new penalty so no change if it's no good or good...
Gaullois
Guest
You must know that the articles are cut in your comments, so here you can read all and the respect given from French team to ABs. Nothing as your NZ press. And about color Black and the speach after match of you captain, you say nothing ? Artcile on Dimitri in french: "Et ils ne se sont pas gênés pour dire ce qu'ils pensaient à la sortie des vestiaires: "On n'a pas eu cette pénalité qu'on attendait. L'arbitre n'a pas voulu nous la donner, alors qu'il y a quand même deux ou trois rucks où il aurait pu siffler", déplorait Dimitri Yachvili. Maxime Mermoz allait plus loin : "Je me suis pris un coup de poing de Weepu en plein dans l’oreille. Je n’entendais plus rien, et maintenant je n’entends toujours pas bien. Et l'arbitre n’a pas sifflé..." Comme le résumait Pascal Papé, les Bleus ont vraiment eu l'impression d'un arbitrage "à deux vitesses" à l'Eden Park ce dimanche. Avec 12 pénalités concédées contre 7 pour les All Blacks, les Bleus n'ont jamais été en mesure de lutter dans le combat au sol. «On a essayé de les provoquer, explique Dimitri Yachvili. A un moment donné, on s'est dit qu'il ne nous la donnerait jamais. Il y avait beaucoup de pression. C'était la finale. Même s'il y a eu des rucks où c'était plus que limite. Il aurait pu nous la donner. La pression l'a bloqué. Sur certains rucks, c'était n'importe quoi. Ils jouaient les ballons au sol. On a essayé de le provoquer au maximum. Malheureusement, on ne l'a pas eu.» AND THAT'S ALL for DIMITRI Article Lievremont "En conférence de presse, Marc Lièvremont et Thierry Dusautoir n'ont pas voulu polémiquer. "J'ai rencontré Craig Joubert il y a deux jours et je lui ai dit que je pensais qu'il était le meilleur arbitre monde, que la pression sur ses épaules devait être extrêmement forte. Mais je lui ai aussi dit que chaque homme peut se tromper et je me suis engagé à ne pas critiquer son arbitrage, quoi qu'il arrive", a assuré le sélectionneur quelques minutes après le coup de sifflet final." Article Dimtri S.(full): "L'un d'eux était particulièrement indigné. Il s'agit de Dimitri Szarzewski. En colère, le talonneur du Stade français a osé dire tout haut ce que tout le monde pensait tout bas : "Kaino a fait un tas de fautes, McCaw faisait ce qu'il voulait et ils n'ont pas été pénalisés. A moins que la faute soit vraiment grossière, ils n'ont pas été sanctionnés. M. Joubert n'a pas été courageux. Il s'agissait d'une finale de Coupe du monde. J'aurais voulu que les choses soient équitables. Et ça n'a pas été le cas." Pour le joueur tricolore, la pression populaire qui entourait cette rencontre a coûté la victoire aux Français: "Ça m'énerve parce que tout le monde voulait que la Nouvelle-Zélande gagne alors les gens vont trouver ça normal. Toute la planète rugby était contre nous et il était logique que l'on perde. De grands joueurs pour qui j'ai beaucoup de respect comme Pienaar, Tindall ou Cueto, nous ont critiqués ouvertement. La Nouvelle-Zélande est la meilleure équipe du monde depuis huit ans et c'est bien qu'elle soit championne du monde mais ce soir, elle ne méritait pas de gagner." Toutefois, ce ne sont pas toujours les plus méritants qui l'emportent. Les Bleus en savent quelque chose... "Même si on le sentiment de s'être fait voler, ça fait partie du jeu", concluait, fataliste, Fabien Barcella. Face à la meilleure équipe de la planète, les joueurs du XV de France ont prouvé qu'ils méritaient leur place de finalistes de la Coupe du monde. Ça ne les consolera pas de la défaite mais ça la rendra, peut-être, un peu moins amère."
Jerry
Guest
The French started complaining after the match and some of them are still complaining. Yet none have complained about the kick. Look, you can believe what you want - you're coming across as a crackpot, and frankly I don't really care what you think. But if you want to talk about honour, take note how few All Blacks have actually criticised Wayne Barnes performance 4 years ago with how whiny those French players have suddenly become.
Gaullois
Guest
http://www.rugbyweek.com/news/worldcup.asp?id=32600 this page is not available...Strange not, maybe a bad article. I continu
Gaullois
Guest
Jerry, I'm looking for this articles in french papers if you agree. And I verify the date, because If this is true these articles are not old.
Gaullois
Guest
He yes Green Lanterns "Afrikaners" are also French. And the langage was near of Deutch. So 100% SA is not only the people which are 100% Deutch but also can be 100% Deutsh or 100% French or 100% scandinav. And also 50/50 French/Deutsh/Deutch/scandinav...etc. Le bonjour !
Jerry
Guest
"You must know thatbefore now, no french player or manger said something bad about ABs or Ref." Except all the ones that have. http://www.rugbyweek.com/news/worldcup.asp?id=32600 "Dimitri Yachvili said that the referee's in general did not want France to win. "The referee was under a lot of pressure," he told the Guardian. "He did not want us to win. That said, I think New Zealand deserved their win because they are the best team in the world." http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/rugby/5885875/French-player-hits-out-at-McCaw-Lievremont Harinordoquy wasn't impressed with Joubert's work, especially when it came to keeping an eye on the breakdown work of flanker McCaw. "He was only looking at us," Harinordoquy told Midi Olympique. http://thescore.thejournal.ie/french-accuse-joubert-of-favourtism-towards-new-zealand-263097-Oct2011/ France’s Dimitri Szarzewski led the protests, controversially suggesting to reporters that the referee had favoured the hosts: “Mr. Joubert was not brave. It was a World Cup final. I wanted things to be fair. And that was not the case.” "He [McCaw] played the whole match in our camp. He did a lot of [bad] things and nobody told him anything. "Three minutes from the end of the game, I saw him dive on the side of a ruck and he stayed there for ages."
Jerry
Guest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcWPTyzm0y4 If the ball went wide of the right hand post, how come it then appears to cross behind it a second time? If it were wide of the post, when the camera pans around, it would still appear to be wide of the posts. If the French thought it had missed they'd be shouting the house down. You are absurd and do a discredit to your more gracious countrymen. Honestly, your complaining is pathetic.
Gaullois
Guest
Jerry, You must know thatbefore now, no french player or manger said something bad about ABs or Ref. It's like this in French rugby, we don't speak about ref. But us the Fans we can speak. I would like so much seen the penalty since the back, as usually there is on the tv during a match. Why not this time ?
Gaullois
Guest
Oh a new, one french player say that he know that the Donald's penalty was not good but never a team go to see the ref for this..Me, never I've seen this before and you ? It's not like football (soccer). He said that perhaps the both refs have been prevented by a photo flash there. For me it's not important because if this penalty is no good joubert given an other later....
Jerry
Guest
The ball is about a split second from going through the posts in that second photo - the French are watching it. Do you think every single one of those guys turned away in that split second? They often only show one angle of a conversion - for instance, the James Hook one that caused a similar controversy earlier in the tournament was based off one misleading replay - no others were shown then. And the reason no other replays were shown is that the Donald kick wasn't even slightly controversial. Ask yourself this - a few of the French players & officials have complained about various things since the final - Dusatoir, Hairy Donkey, Lievremont for instance. Yet not one of them has so much as mentioned the Donald kick. Why is that? Because it went over and they all saw it go over. It's be
Gaullois
Guest
Ask your TV images of back of poles and doubt will be lifted once for all.
Gaullois
Guest
Jerry, Have you find video (not the same as TV during final) but others video with the french V. I 've seen on a French channel of NZ tv images taken with some other cameras but which have not been selected for the live. Ditto for Donald, why the NZ TV does not show the other side poles as is usually done? have you it? It is this that caused the controversy. To note, the French watch no more when the ball go near to the Poles (can see it in the video), it is the 3rd photo that lacks it is sobering.
Jerry
Guest
Get over it, for fuxache. You're sounding like a little girl.
Gaullois
Guest
An error in mpy english "advice" is not the good word (because it seems à "avis" in french). It was "point of view" sorry.
Gaullois
Guest
No I seen it again. It's the same advice. JOUBERT is an ABs