Has anyone mentioned the Olympics will be a sex-fest?

I’m thinking the real reason so many athletes lodged appeals over their non-selection for the 2012 London Games had nothing to do with Olympic glory. The real reason athletes were desperate to board the plane was because the media has been building up the Olympic Village as hot-bed of booze, sex and drugs.

And I’m pretty sure the Independent Olympics Appeal Committee knew that too.

I’d be appealing my non-selection. Looks like this Olympics is going to be off the hook!

I’ve counted more than 50 separate articles foreshadowing rampant promiscuity at the London Games. I’m not sure if that’s more of a reflection on me as a consumer of web content or on the mainstream media itself.

The London Games will see some 10,000 athletes – all in their prime of their physical lives – bunk down together for three weeks, with 150,000 of free condoms to be made available.

The Daily Mirror helpfully points out that equates to 15 condoms per person – or, according to researchers, four hours of pleasure with R&B star Usher.

The sexual angle has dominated all reportage on the Olympics so far. Sex-starved journalists are furiously channelling their inner E.L. James (author of Fifty Shades of Grey, for those with literary taste) in describing how the village is set to descend into a frenzied, no-holds-barred orgy not seen since Roman times.

Little has been made of the actual events themselves, with most athletes apparently viewing the competition a mere curtain raiser to the inevitable sex romp.

Who cares about the number of medals we’re expected to take away from the Games when we can discuss the ratio of condoms per athlete?

With all this in mind, I can only feel for Nick D’Arcy and Kendrick Monk, who were ordered home by the Australian Olympic Committee for their part in the firearms photo controversy.

I’ve heard that D’Arcy is set to take matters into his own hands on the flight home, but that can’t be the same as being there.