Once upon a time I thought the Olympics was essentially a fortnight-long showcase of good-looking people excelling at obscure exercise techniques.
I never had anything against participants or fans; I just knew it wasn’t for me.
I struggled to grasp how these activities could rise from such mainstream insignificance to the level of Extreme National Importance so quickly. This was always followed by the same sports being instantly relegated to the shadows for four more years once it was all over.
I appreciated the spotlight the Olympics placed on those deserving, hard-working athletes who had in some cases spent their careers toiling in self-funded anonymity. But I struggled to fathom the hypocritical media hype that went with it.
I doubt I was the only one; the orgasmic excitement of a pool-side Bruce McAvaney was sure to turn off most casual viewers.
Under the watchful guise of Mark Nicholas and co. at Channel Nine, I have been turned around. I have been saved, if you will, from a lifetime of never knowing what true patriotism feels like.
For example, despite not knowing how diving really even works, when I watch our Olympics coverage it suddenly comes to seem that my whole emotional wellbeing rides on the result.
I feel as if the fate of my nation rests on the broad shoulders of whoever that diver is.
Whether I cry myself to sleep in distress or jubilation that night will depend entirely on whether this athlete I’ve never heard of can jump into the pool subjectively better than another athlete (from another country) I’ve also never heard of.
It’s a wonderful thing: if they win, then suddenly I will love and worship that previously ignored, unknown athlete forevermore. Or I will at least until the swimming comes on.
In that moment of victory the Unknown Athlete will become “ours” – representative of our national superiority, the symbol of a victory to which we are all entitled.
If they lose I can wash my hands of them, disassociating myself from their failure, but still never forgiving how they have let me down.
Channel Nine understands this. At times of being so devastatingly let down by an athlete I have done so much to support, Channel Nine will bombard this tearful, remorseful athlete with probing questions about their failure. This is as it should be.
Channel Nine knows that I do not abide failure or respect losers. I want these disappointments to be asked questions about why they didn’t perform better and whether or not they feel like they have let their nation down.
I want the cameras closing in on their shameful tears: I bought a new TV for this. When I am failed, I want to see the suspect athlete’s devastation in HD.
After all, Channel Nine have built these athletes up so much they deserve to knock them down. I applaud them for taking up the cause; any Australian athlete that is only fourth best in the world at something deserves nothing less.
Unlike so many of Australia’s “athletes”, Channel Nine never lets me down.
With Channel Nine I always know that Karl Stefanovic is just a studio cross away. Awkwardly loitering in front of the cameras like a hesitant John unsure how to approach a street prostitute, Stefanovic is always waiting to dissect the failures of those who dared to wear our sporting colours so poorly.
Thanks to Channel Nine, I love or hate people I’d never previously heard of based on centimetres and split seconds.
I now drink only Coca-Cola and eat only McDonald’s. I love Australia and I do not tolerate failure.
I am a product of Channel Nine’s Olympics coverage.
Josh
Guest
"With Channel Nine I always know that Karl Stefanovic is just a studio cross away. Awkwardly loitering in front of the cameras like a hesitant John unsure how to approach a street prostitute" GOLD!!!!
Simon.
Guest
Its very difficult in todays times to control your image everybody is everywhere. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-19150505).
Bondy.
Guest
Their is a sport there where some may say is the most familiar of all sports in Australia an Olympic event but not with channel 9 its not,so silly and petulant.
MoreContentPlease
Guest
Please do we really need to be exposed to another season of half brained wannabe's. Please don't dumb down Australia even more. We all celebrated when big brother was pulled from channel 10. It was pulled for a reason. As a nation can we please move on from Big brother. Also I like Karl but during the olympics its best just to SHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just show me the footage. Ill like you more. I promise. The olympics is a time for us all to dream about how athletic we all were when we were younger. As we watch the records break for the various events we're amazed as we look back and compare what we just saw to what we could acheive. The olympics is really the most impressive celebration of the humans physical abilities. I believe Australia's athletes haven't let anyone down after all top 10 out of 3 billion people is simply amazing. I'm just happy there are people out there that put in so much effort to put on the display. Especially as there is little reward. Dont forget a gold medal is just silver with gold plating. (That's cheap.)
Bondy.
Guest
Good points more so the commercials on nine you forget were you are or maybe i'm just use to sattelite feeds "cable".
Nick
Guest
I agree with all the comments, Channel 9 coverage is sub-standard and frankly embarrassing. The ad breaks are longer than the coverage, I do not want to keep seeing repeat promos for new tv shows with the same old actors constantly being over exposed... Why so many poor inexperienced 'commentators' ? Why is Eddie Maguire commentating at the Olympics? He knows nothing about sport except Aussie Rules...James B doing the rowing?
Oracle
Guest
Read today that Leila McKinnon is Nine Boss David Gyngell's wife!!!!!!!! Now I know how she got the gig at the Olympics.
knackers
Guest
Is there any research regarding the quality of the coverage of sport and the quality of the sportspeople themselves ?. It seems a no braner to me that ignorance and incompetence are natural fellow travellers
jonno
Guest
Got up to watch the mens 10,000 meters final at 0430 ,got an interview with silver medallist Mitch Watt (acceptable) and could see the race going on in the background, but then ch 9 just had to cut away and do a pre recorded interview with swimmers from hours ago,they have Steve Ovett commentating experienced,insightful ,relevant and intelligent unlike the rest of the ch 9 crew who have very little idea of how to package their product.
Tamsyn
Guest
I am frankly revolted by the way the TV coverage is encouraging the athletes who have not taken Gold to mourn their losses in the most unsportsmanlike displays! Our mens four did indeed let their country down VERY BADLY. I have rarely seen a more disgraceful display than the one that they put on for the cameras after the race. Some of our athletes are simply too gallant to be tricked into this sort of performance. To me, a real Olympic hero is a person who can happily take bronze and say "I'll be back in four years!" or can pick themselves up off the bitumen, plaster their wounds and still smile. Thank God for Emma Moffatt, Erin Densham and Kim Crow! The Olympic spirit truly lives in them!
david medland
Guest
how bad can coverage be ?>? 60 seconnd grab of diving but two complete runs of a bick race [ admittedly a great WR] inside an hour and the same repeats equestrian and rowing adinfinitum!!!!
Russel
Guest
Their being blown out of the water by Fox pardon the swimming pun..
Oracle
Guest
Michael Slater at the Diving, Dwayne Russell at the Equestrian......................yeh right!!!!!!!!!!! Matthew Lloyd works for 9, if anybody should be at the Diving, he is the correct candidate.Lloyd wasn't called "Leganus" by opposition supporters for no reason.
Oracle
Guest
Spot on, even when the Australians were going backwards they were making a surge , according to JB!!!!!!
Carmel Barro
Guest
Ahh! Why do we have such substandard commentators??? Why is James Brayshaw commentating?? Incredibly annoying and extremely ignorant! Channel nine you have failed dismally to deliver quality broadcasting!
Oracle
Guest
Got up at 4.00 to watch a pretty good days Athletics on Nine. What I got was 45 minutes of ads, Ken Sutcliffe shuffling paper for another 45 minutes and lucky to see 30 minutes of anything live in 2 hours. This was followed at 6am by some crashing boor and a woman in a red jacket sitting on a couch talking crap for a further 30 minutes and then finally a live event, the 10000m womens final. Can someone please tell the morons at 9 that the Olympics is a live sporting event, not a Sunday magazine show with 5 minutes of edited highlights every 30 minutes. They have been quick to bag anyone in the past, but this morning's "coverage" was absolutely pathetic.
Dennis
Guest
How boring is karl Stefanovic!! Is he sleepy????? Too much for you Karl??? So boring!!!!!!!! doesn't anyone else in London want to sit with him??????????? Looks weird with him trying to commentate on that big tv stage. Not a good choice channel nine- poor Karl! Not quite up to it. Looks like channel nine can't afford the coverage they were afforded. Might go to bed now! Xxx
Caroline
Guest
When asked 'what went wrong', they should simply say "feel free to jump in that pool (get on that track, etc.) if you think you can do better" I appreciate all their efforts and I feel disappointed FOR them, but never IN them when they don't win.
Paul Spalding
Guest
Do Channel Nine really think that swamping us with their inane Big Brother ads will make us watch the moronic show ? The brain dead who will watch it don't need any prompting, but they risk the rest us reaching for the remote control to change the channel.
yewonk
Guest
very very funny post